Boyfriend threw shirt in my face

[Anonymous]

OP, dial down the drama. If you want to break up, then go home, pack your clothing and personal belongings, and go to a friend's house or a hotel or something. Look for a new apartment. You and your boyfriend sound very immature and like you do not know how to communicate well. That's clearly not going to change with the continuation of the conversation you just had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I tried to break up with him.
He told me I over react and he still doesn't know where that shirt came from, even though I told him how it was most likely mixed up.
He said i'm clearly not going to change my mind and that I've got him all figured out, that he is a piece of shit (he has said that exact thing before, in many previous arguments).

He then laughs at me when I try to express myself about how he mistreats me.

It's a conversation that will be continued apparently, because he said he had to go we hung up.

There's no need to continue the conversation. Just tell him to leave.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. This is exary why people say not to move in together or buy a house together before you are engaged or married. What's the penalty for breaking the lease? You know what you need to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you move in with men too quickly.

She said they have been living together 3 months, doesn't say how long they have been together.

NP here but I got that impression as well. I mean, how is there still stuff left behind from someone that used to live there? Presumably she dated this guy for several months before having him move in and she didn't notice men's clothes in the apartment during those months?

[Anonymous]

OP that's not a normal conversation. Bad news all the way around.

[Anonymous]

You don't understand why your boyfriend would be upset that he found another man's clothing in your home? Hmm.....if you found a bra, wouldn't you be upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I tried to break up with him.
He told me I over react and he still doesn't know where that shirt came from, even though I told him how it was most likely mixed up.
He said i'm clearly not going to change my mind and that I've got him all figured out, that he is a piece of shit (he has said that exact thing before, in many previous arguments).

He then laughs at me when I try to express myself about how he mistreats me.

It's a conversation that will be continued apparently, because he said he had to go we hung up.

How to break up with someone:

1. Say nice things, but also say it's not working out.
2. Break up nicely, but unequivocally. If he tries to hook you into an argument, back away and say, "I understand. I'm definitely not perfect. I think it's clear that we're not meant to be."
3. Do not in any way engaged in an argument or debate about who did what, when, where, how, who is at fault, and so on. That is not the point. The point is to be clear that it is over.
4. If you are afraid for your physical well being, make sure a friend is over or do this in a semi-private place where you are not alone with him.
5. Because he is a massive dickwad, obviously--assume he could get violent. Make sure you have a place to stay, even if that means you have to keep paying rent. Can you stay with family? A friend? Have this arranged before you break up. Remember to break up in a place that is not private. Do NOT enter the apartment alone with him. Always have a buddy backup.
6. Don't let the animals make you stay. You are your first priority.
7. Contact the manager if you trust him/her and explain what is going on very briefly. Say that you are moving out due to untenable circumstances with your boyfriend. Ask them to let you know if he is not paying his share of the rent ASAP? <-- ask a lawyer about this. You really don't want to be screwed by having to pay your AND his rent, since I'm guessing you're jointly and severally responsible for paying it.

[Anonymous]

You're right, which is why we our finishing our conversation later (in person) not over the phone.

He often shuts down and closes his eyes (pretends to sleep) when we have serious conversations or leaves for hours and when he comes back (conversation unfinished) he goes straight to bed. He did this the last time we had a discussion about the issues in our relationship.

[Anonymous]

It's been awhile, but don't most rental agreements include early termination clauses? Read your lease agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't understand why your boyfriend would be upset that he found another man's clothing in your home? Hmm.....if you found a bra, wouldn't you be upset?

My ex's socks are among our collective socks that we share. He has never said anything. The shirt was left behind and was mixed in with his shirts eventually in the move.
It's not a pair of boxers. it's a generic white t-shirt.

And he has a some girls lipstick still in the back of his car of which he has no recollection of whose it is (it was there before we started dating.

So I understand why he might be upset, but the first thing he did was throw it in my face and tell me it's my other boyfriends (as in i'm cheating on him)

I don't think that's okay.

And when I saw the lip stick, I asked him who might it belong to, I didn't throw it at him and tell him it's his other girlfriends. I respect him too much to do that, and care about our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been awhile, but don't most rental agreements include early termination clauses? Read your lease agreement.

Unfortunately our's does not. Looked at it last week while we were at odds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I respect him too much to do that, and care about our relationship.

Well, your audience here on DCUM doesn't see any reason for you to respect him (nor does it seem that he respects you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't understand why your boyfriend would be upset that he found another man's clothing in your home? Hmm.....if you found a bra, wouldn't you be upset?

In any case, throwing an article of clothing at (or "near") someone crosses a boundary of respect and self-control.

[Anonymous]

OP, just DTMFA. Everything you've posted says "this guy is a total loser." What are you waiting for?

[Anonymous]

OP ~ Do you like this behavior?

You have a choice. If you don't do anything, you're just as much a loser as he is.

What do you want? You decide.