I hate being married and a mom
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Adults understand that life is about compromises and trade offs, working productively and cooperating with others to fulfill your dreams and responsibilities.
I think you're having a hard time with adulthood, not marriage or motherhood. |
Anonymous
OMG THIS. This is perfect. OP, your authentic self will be waiting for you, I promise. Just get through this time. It's tough on everyone. And don't judge yourself for not enjoying it! |
Anonymous
|
Look, many new parents ask these questions of themselves in the first year of having a baby.
Take a few deep breaths. Being who you are will come back - think about how this is a side trip detour that will help you continue to grow into who you are. Children are in your life forever, but this part where you are wholey devoted to them is short. Use it to ponder, love, journal, and experience new things. As your child grows, your relationship with your partner will change, too. New parenthood is often a shock to marriage and things can get murky and disappointing for the first year. You'll have time again to think about WOHM or SAHM and what both mean for you - and what decisions to make. And you will be able to do month long yoga retreats - how soon is up to you. For now, just realize that this is a different period of your life. I highly suggest lots of pictures and videos of you, your baby, your husband. You will look back on them with a greater joy than you feel now. I felt similar to you after our first child, I now have two. Things change fast - that quote - the days are long but the years are short? It's true. Feel better, take care. |
Anonymous
| I think to myself constantly that being a wife is the most thankless job ever. I hate it. I love my kids but am so overwhelmed with taking care of everything and having a spouse who helps with hardly anything and belittles and insults me constantly. I try to tell myself, hey, at least he doesn't beat me, and try to hang in there for now |
Anonymous
And you never learned compassion so you missed a critical life lesson as well. |
Anonymous
Yep. If you've also moved, then you probably don't have a support system in place either. |
Anonymous
I hope you aren't doing his laundry, picking up his dry cleaning, cooking for his benefit, etc. don't take care of HIM. |
Anonymous
|
OP, you are not a bad person. You're a person who needs help. First, you need to see your OB or your primary care Dr. ASAP for a full check-up...AND you need to tell the Dr. what you've posted above. You may have PPD and need treatment.
Next, being a SAHM is hard work with few breaks. WOH is also hard, but a different kind of hard. BOTH types of moms need breaks. Yes, your DH can/should be pulling his weight, but you need a competent parent/relative and/or babysitter on a regular basis. Even if you cannot "afford" it, you cannot afford not to do this for yourself & your sanity. Finally, as another poster said, you need to ride-out this life stage w/your DH, seek marital counseling, and evaluate in another year +. It is too soon to be making life-changing decisions unless there's abuse/neglect in your home. Give DH a chance, but please, please be clear with him on exactly what you want, how burned-out you are, and allow him to express his feelings, too. Marriage counseling will allow you to do this. Get to a Dr stat - and you need help with that baby immediately. This does not make you a bad person at all. Parenting is incredibly hard and why people try to sugar-coat it is beyond me. |
Anonymous
|
What is wrong with sleeping in on weekends when dad is home and able to care for baby? I sleep in on weekends as it gives dad/kids alone time. Its great. Kids know weekends are dad time and they wake him up.
I don't do a weekend Yoga retreat but have no issue with someone doing it especially if they are a SAHM 24/7. Having a baby is an adjustment. After they are 3-4, I found it much easier to leave them and be ok with it. |
Anonymous
| Yes, it is very hard. However, the good part is: adjusting to hardship will make you a more interesting, thoughtful, empathetic, and real human being. So, think of this as a transformational process to help you become something better than you were before. (but, believe me, I know: transformation is no fun while you are going through it.. it is the hardest thing you can do) |
Anonymous
|
How old are you OP? If you are in your early twenties, do you feel like you are sacrificing your youth for the domestic life here?? If so, that is completely understandable. Completely.
Perhaps there is still life that you wanted to experience and now you feel tied down. While you will not have your freedom back anytime soon (sorry!), you can have little respites now and then. Have the hubby watch the baby so you can enjoy lunch out with a friend. Or a spa day with your Mother. Etc. I just think you need some balance in your life right now. Hugs to you. |
Anonymous
| How is your husband feeling? Is he frustrated? Feeling like he sacrificed? Feeling left out? Are you validating his feelings? He's a person in your marriage and his needs and wants are as legitimate as anyone else's are. |
Anonymous
Did I write this? I totally agree with you. I am stopping at one child and if I ever get divorced, I will not remarry. If you are an attractive, financially independent woman, there is literally no reason to invite drama into your life by giving a man a legal hold on you. Penis is free. Also, I love my baby, but if I could redo motherhood, I would not. Childbearing takes a far greater toll on women. There are a lot of wives/mothers who feel the way we do. I wish someone had been honest with me before I got married and had a child. |
Anonymous
Holy crap,pp. It definitely sounds like motherhood is not your cup of tea. But you are coming to that conclusion a little late, no? However, your particular attitude might not be best shared with a new mom who is in the throes of one of the biggest transitions life can throw at you, in a new place without a support network to boot. To the OP, don't despair. It gets better. You feel horrible about a lot of things, but as the other pp noted, take photos, lots and lots of them. Change your routine. Find new places and new people, find a mommy group. Refuse to throw in the towel and something will break for you. And above all, don't think about your relationship right now. As someone who has been ready to divorce since I was pregnant, I can now say that our youngest is three and the cloud is lifting. We are starting to have a relationship again. There really isn't any way around t)it, only through. And I would wager that nearly every mom who is not in some sort of cult goes through what you are feeling. Take solace, it is not you, its just a big phase. You can't really get out of it anyway, buy get creative to get through. Hope that helps. |
Anonymous