I hate being married and a mom
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Anonymous
| I feel bad even typing the subject bc I love my little baby to bits. But I hate being married. I like my DH ok- he's a fun person but if I had a do over I wouldn't marry him. We are so incompatible. I hate all the trade offs and compromises I have to make in marriage. I love my little baby so much and have a hard time with motherhood. I miss sleeping in and keeping whatever schedule I want. People say live authentically - I don't know what my authentic self even looks like...is the authentic me a person who abandons her husband and child just so she can sleep in on the weekends and plan month-long yoga retreats? The irony is that before I was married, I would pray to meet someone and get married. Now I realize how dumb it was to want that so bad. I miss living in the city, keeping all my money, having my time to myself. Now I'm a SAHM living so far from my authentic self, and I don't know how to find my way back. Single gals, embrace it! I miss it. |
Anonymous
| How old is your baby, OP? If still an infant, it's understandable that you feel this way. Adjusting to being a parent is hard and at the beginning it feels like a lot of work and not a lot of payoff since infants can't interact with you or give a lot back. You will adjust and the baby will get more interactive as he/she gets older so things will seem less one-sided. Can you also revisit your decision to SAH? I am a SAHM and I really enjoy it, but I don't think its the right choice for everyone. Some people are happier parents with a different balance and their kids thrive because they are thriving. A different balance in your own choices might help you feel differently about motherhood and marriage. |
Anonymous
| You're probably just not cut out for SAHM living. I thought that it was what I wanted too. |
Anonymous
| The baby is 5 mos and the best baby ever. I'm desperately looking for a job. Never intended to SAH but ended up doing it bc we moved and I had to quit (breeding more dislike of being married). |
Anonymous
+1. You're a WOHM of an older kid trapped in the body of a SAHM with a baby. |
Anonymous
| Okay, you are a FTM to a five month-old and an accidental SAHM. Your unhappiness is probably temporary and situational. Your baby will get older (even an easy 5 month-old is still a lot of work) and you will get a job. Try to manage your resentment at your husband until this period is over and you feel like you have your footing back. Explain to your husband that you need to spend some time and probably some money focusing on your job search, even if that means getting a babysitter a few hours a week so you can network, hiring a career coach, contacting a head hunter, etc. Things will look different this time next year. The first year of a baby's life is hard on a marriage if one parent isn't happy with the way their life has changed. |
Anonymous
This right here. You have undergone a lot of change and stress and not all of it if your own making. You might be dealing with PPD in the mix too. Start with something...a babysitter a few hours a week, a therapist, a physical with a new GP and talk about your symptoms. Start some self care, and go from there. |
Anonymous
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First ditch the authentic self crap. It will only make you bitter. You can live as your authentic self when your kids leave home.
Going back to work may help you a great deal. If you don't go back to work-- and can afford it-- get a sitter and find a hobby. Something that you are doing only for yourself. |
Anonymous
| Any regrets about marrying your husband were too late as of 14 months ago. You have a child now. Go to counseling or banish the thought that your husband isn't right for you. He's a good man, so you need to figure yourself out, not leave him or your child behind. |
Anonymous
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Get to the doctor. This sounds like PPD.
You should definitely go back to work, but working is going to stretch you even more thin. If I were you I would get the most out of staying home another 6-12 months then go back to work. Soon, your baby will start sleeping better and getting more interesting and you will be able to do things like go to the gym and leave her in childcare. Whatever you decide to do you should start getting some help now. DH should be giving you time off on the weekends, or you should have a few hours a week babysitting. |
Anonymous
Agree. "Authentic self" type advice is not really helpful when your authentic self has responsibilities or situations that make like difficult, like being sick or having a newborn. I don't think anyone's authentic self gets 5 hrs of broken sleep a night and is covered with spitup! |
Anonymous
| "Authentic self"? How old are you OP? |
Anonymous
The grass is always greener. If you actually went back to that lifestyle, I'd put money on you very quickly wanting something more in terms of relationships. |
Anonymous
| Op, I hear you! I was in the same boat until recently. I just started working full time again and am finally happy with our move to the DC area, being a mom and wife. |
Anonymous
| OP, we share so much in common. I had severe PPD, which I medicated and it helped, though I would encourage you to keep up the job search. I didn't and it was a mistake. My son is 3.5 and I still have those feelings. If I'm very honest with myself I can admit that I married due to low self-esteem and anxiety and it feels horrible. |