Is it ever worth not having a relationship with family over ideological issues?
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Anonymous
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You need to face off with your MIL and tell her what you think. How dare she not think the way you do ! Don't talk behind her back like a coward.
Come back and tell us how it went. |
Anonymous
| Comparing Hillary Clinton to Hitler is worth cutting off family over? I've heard everything now. |
Anonymous
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Don't discuss politics or religion with people you love.
Ignore their political or religious leanings unless they try to convert you or your kids. Rinse and repeat. We will soon be in the throes of a very awful political season- gird your loins now. Also, no politician is your friend. R or D or I or whatever. They are politicians. You do not know them on a personal level. Their number one goal, overriding everything, is to get elected. Embrace morals and values, and vote for those with whom you agree. But don't ever cut a loved one off because of a politician. |
Anonymous
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Yup. Done this repeatedly with racist and homophobic family members. Yes, you are free to have your hateful opinion. And I am free to not associate with such people.
I explain to my children (and my DH agrees) that when we do not call people out for this sort of thing, we are condoning it and allowing it to continue to grow and hurt people. We are complicit. And you folks who are like "grandma's nice but racist" are complicit. You are feeding this fire of hate. Ugly but true. |
Anonymous
| OP here - so I should have written this differently. I would never "cut her off". I think what I find is that these sorts of opinions and statements (another one of hers is that "they" should just bomb all the mosques because "some people are just bad") make it impossible for me to put effort into the relationship. Contrasting that with SIL who makes effort anyhow because it's family. I on the other hand would rather not be around her with those sorts of statements (on FB but also in person) and while our kid is too young to understand, that will change. I think these comments are pretty unforgiveable. (And not a particular Hillary fan, but I think she's just fine and not exactly a Nazi.) |
Anonymous
+1 No way you would OP, just admit it. |
Anonymous
And I'm free to say how sad I think this militant stance is for your kids. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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I wonder whether you're being played by your SIL. She probably knows you draw lines in the sand based on people's political beliefs and is hoping you'll make a scene of sorts while she plays the dutiful DIL.
P.S. Hillary isn't worth it. She may not be Hitler, but she's dishonest and calculating. |
Anonymous
| OP here...I don't know if I draw lines in the sand. More like the offensive comments reach a critical mass and I find it hard to smile and feel warmth toward a person who exhibits such hatefulness. ILs are far away and don't visit often (maybe every year and a half or so) and we don't visit often either. So maintaining a relationship characterized by any kind of emotional closeness obviously requires effort. I find it hard to want to put in this effort when I see/hear these statements and can't just forget them or separate them from the less ugly sides of her. Do I think it's great that I have a hard time not holding things against her or holding grudges for her ignorant and hurtful statements? No. But I can't seem to force myself. |
Anonymous
I don't see what's "militant" about this stance. When your kids turn out to spout racist/homophobe beliefs, don't scratch your head as to where they got it from of you're the type to just ignore it because you want free babysitting and baked goods from your extended family. |
Anonymous
| ^^ if you're the type |
Anonymous
My question to you is: How is this stance different than being racist or homophobic? I come from an extremely conservative religious family, and they are quick to cut out people who don't follow their beliefs. If I cut them out, aren't I doing the same? Honestly, this is a struggle for me. But I want to communicate to my children that I love them unconditionally. How do they learn that from me if I'm cutting off my family because I don't agree with them? My actions speak louder than words. We do discuss the issues together, my kids and I, about why things are strained. Tolerance goes both ways though. |
Anonymous
| If they are beliefs held by another older generation, why not explain it that way to your child? There are plenty of people who don't like Hillary. |