my father sneaking into my home..advice please

[Anonymous]

wow, this is shocking. change the locks? really? how about assisting him to find somwhere to live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow, this is shocking. change the locks? really? how about assisting him to find somwhere to live?

Maybe all of you should read OP's original thread before judging.

[Anonymous]

after 5 months of him not contributing anything financially or making any effort to work

OP gave her father reasonable parameters for his being allowed to stay. He chose not to follow them. Then he sneaks into her house and hasn't come clean about it. Just because someone is family doesn't mean there isn't something to be cautious about - if OP's gut is saying her dad staying there is not a god idea, so be it. Who are any of us to judge.

[Anonymous]

good idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

after 5 months of him not contributing anything financially or making any effort to work

OP gave her father reasonable parameters for his being allowed to stay. He chose not to follow them. Then he sneaks into her house and hasn't come clean about it. Just because someone is family doesn't mean there isn't something to be cautious about - if OP's gut is saying her dad staying there is not a god idea, so be it. Who are any of us to judge.

I am sorry but finding a job isn't that easy if you don't have the tools. Op should help her father. He is clearly desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

after 5 months of him not contributing anything financially or making any effort to work

OP gave her father reasonable parameters for his being allowed to stay. He chose not to follow them. Then he sneaks into her house and hasn't come clean about it. Just because someone is family doesn't mean there isn't something to be cautious about - if OP's gut is saying her dad staying there is not a god idea, so be it. Who are any of us to judge.

I am sorry but finding a job isn't that easy if you don't have the tools. Op should help her father. He is clearly desperate.

Don't you get the feeling there is more to this story, more history of her father's behavior. I may be wrong but I seem to think there is.

[Anonymous]

I would probably tell your dad it is creating an issue with your landlord and you may be asked to leave. If that doesn't work, change locks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

after 5 months of him not contributing anything financially or making any effort to work

OP gave her father reasonable parameters for his being allowed to stay. He chose not to follow them. Then he sneaks into her house and hasn't come clean about it. Just because someone is family doesn't mean there isn't something to be cautious about - if OP's gut is saying her dad staying there is not a god idea, so be it. Who are any of us to judge.

It's obvious there is a backstory, because no normal person with a heart would ever throw out their own Dad after 5 months of unemployment. OP, it took my husband, who holds multiple degrees in a hot field and is eminently marketable, 18 months to find a job. I know you expect your father to get any kind of low-paying job and I know you said he wasn't even making an effort, but... still, it seems harsh.

How old is he? He may have given up already, and not be up for fighting anymore.

[Anonymous]

If my father were homeless, I would let him sleep on my couch. I just can't imagine doing anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

after 5 months of him not contributing anything financially or making any effort to work

OP gave her father reasonable parameters for his being allowed to stay. He chose not to follow them. Then he sneaks into her house and hasn't come clean about it. Just because someone is family doesn't mean there isn't something to be cautious about - if OP's gut is saying her dad staying there is not a god idea, so be it. Who are any of us to judge.

I am sorry but finding a job isn't that easy if you don't have the tools. Op should help her father. He is clearly desperate.

No she shouldn't if it prevents her from taking care of her own family. I think OP's first post said that her father chooses not to work because he doesn't like working and has been this way for some time. He is a dependent type of person who freeloads.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry but finding a job isn't that easy if you don't have the tools. Op should help her father. He is clearly desperate.


No she shouldn't if it prevents her from taking care of her own family. I think OP's first post said that her father chooses not to work because he doesn't like working and has been this way for some time. He is a dependent type of person who freeloads.

OP has already helped her father. He's not holding up his end of the bargain and, as with a child, she needs to follow through on the consequences. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. And, if you can't imagine this scenario, you have too little life experience for your opinions to be of any value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am sorry but finding a job isn't that easy if you don't have the tools. Op should help her father. He is clearly desperate.


No she shouldn't if it prevents her from taking care of her own family. I think OP's first post said that her father chooses not to work because he doesn't like working and has been this way for some time. He is a dependent type of person who freeloads.

OP has already helped her father. He's not holding up his end of the bargain and, as with a child, she needs to follow through on the consequences. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. And, if you can't imagine this scenario, you have too little life experience for your opinions to be of any value.

My, my, PP. There are no polite words to describe you. You weren't responding to me, but let me tell you that most people live through such hardships and experiences that they grow in compassion and wisdom.
Of course elderly people can't change or help themselves. Of course some of them are freeloaders. And yet, despite all this, most people would choose to shelter or otherwise care for their own parents.

I have personal experience with this. My grandmother, a self-centered, ignorant and deeply prejudiced woman, who had repeatedly told my mother that she was unwanted and unloved, and who had neglected most of her children, went bankrupt through her own fault and SUED HER CHILDREN FOR MONEY. Her children, my mother included, were declared not at fault during the trial, but still chose to pay for their mother's care until her death. Because she was their own mother and not *all* bad.

OP's story may be different. You, on the other hand, as well as anybody who responded with a casual "change the locks", should be ashamed of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am sorry but finding a job isn't that easy if you don't have the tools. Op should help her father. He is clearly desperate.


No she shouldn't if it prevents her from taking care of her own family. I think OP's first post said that her father chooses not to work because he doesn't like working and has been this way for some time. He is a dependent type of person who freeloads.

OP has already helped her father. He's not holding up his end of the bargain and, as with a child, she needs to follow through on the consequences. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. And, if you can't imagine this scenario, you have too little life experience for your opinions to be of any value.

My, my, PP. There are no polite words to describe you. You weren't responding to me, but let me tell you that most people live through such hardships and experiences that they grow in compassion and wisdom.
Of course elderly people can't change or help themselves. Of course some of them are freeloaders. And yet, despite all this, most people would choose to shelter or otherwise care for their own parents.

I have personal experience with this. My grandmother, a self-centered, ignorant and deeply prejudiced woman, who had repeatedly told my mother that she was unwanted and unloved, and who had neglected most of her children, went bankrupt through her own fault and SUED HER CHILDREN FOR MONEY. Her children, my mother included, were declared not at fault during the trial, but still chose to pay for their mother's care until her death. Because she was their own mother and not *all* bad.

OP's story may be different. You, on the other hand, as well as anybody who responded with a casual "change the locks", should be ashamed of yourself.

Judge not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am sorry but finding a job isn't that easy if you don't have the tools. Op should help her father. He is clearly desperate.


No she shouldn't if it prevents her from taking care of her own family. I think OP's first post said that her father chooses not to work because he doesn't like working and has been this way for some time. He is a dependent type of person who freeloads.

OP has already helped her father. He's not holding up his end of the bargain and, as with a child, she needs to follow through on the consequences. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. And, if you can't imagine this scenario, you have too little life experience for your opinions to be of any value.

My, my, PP. There are no polite words to describe you. You weren't responding to me, but let me tell you that most people live through such hardships and experiences that they grow in compassion and wisdom.
Of course elderly people can't change or help themselves. Of course some of them are freeloaders. And yet, despite all this, most people would choose to shelter or otherwise care for their own parents.

I have personal experience with this. My grandmother, a self-centered, ignorant and deeply prejudiced woman, who had repeatedly told my mother that she was unwanted and unloved, and who had neglected most of her children, went bankrupt through her own fault and SUED HER CHILDREN FOR MONEY. Her children, my mother included, were declared not at fault during the trial, but still chose to pay for their mother's care until her death. Because she was their own mother and not *all* bad.

OP's story may be different. You, on the other hand, as well as anybody who responded with a casual "change the locks", should be ashamed of yourself.

So you have a family with no boundaries. Got it.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you post about your dad a few months ago?