How long would you wait for a proposal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's 13 years later now. He's headed toward 50 really soon and still not married.

You say as that's a bad thing.


]

Hmmmm I meant that it wasn't just that he didn't want to be married to me.

[Anonymous]

I was 38, DH was 39. We started talking about marriage in general almost immediately. Not in a "I want to marry you" kind of way. But a "I see marriage this way, how do you see it?" We were testing to see if we were on the same page about marriage, kids and long range stuff. But still not talking about this stuff happening with each other.

Both of us were weary about jumping into "i want to marry you" right away. He was divorced, I had been in too many burn fast and get burned relationships.

But I also made it very clear, I would not live with someone until engaged and planning a wedding (with a date set). Best decision ever!

After 10 months we talked for 2-3 months about what would marriage to each other be like. Then we decided to get married. Took him 4 months to propose (I was already starting to plan the wedding). 2 months later we moved in together and 4 months after that we were married.

So less than 2 years from meeting to marriage.

After age 30, 1-2 years until engagement and 1 year of engagement until marriage.

After age 35, 2 years until marriage (6 months to 1 year of engagement).

[Anonymous]

At least 2 years is about right if you're under 30. Not much more than 2 years if you're over.

[Anonymous]

What is preventing you from proposing?

[Anonymous]

For me it was 3 years when I was under 30 and out of college. That 3 years is a "he's talking about it" and just waiting for the right time to propose versus him saying he isn't ready for marriage or radio silence. If he is saying he isn't ready for marriage or not sure he ever wants to get married and we have been dating 2 years, I'm not sure I would stick around and hope something magically changes between year 2 and 3.

The timeline would have been shorter in my 30's because I would have wanted to try to have kids. I'm not quite sure what it would have looked like in my 40's if I was past having kids with that guy and /or we had kids from a previous relationship and wanted to wait until the kids were a certain age. I could easily see wanting to wait 4-5 years if for example he had a kid in high school and I had kids in elementary school and we both had joint custody of our kids.

[Anonymous]

I got married after 6 months because we were both ready and knew what we wanted. You're either both ready or you aren't but either way there's no sense in putting an arbitrary timeline on things.

[Anonymous]

I would t wait more than 18 months, on the very outside perimeter. They love you that much, or don't. Many men won't out a ring on it, if you. Permit them to. It will be a good life, without legal protections and societal accepting, which will seem charming in the first years, but as time goes on, it will make you feel worse. And if. You have children, you're f'd persoally, although you children may be taken care of.


Don't do it. Love is love, yes. But love puts a ring on it. I'm a long term "cohabitatior". Is our love as strong.. Yes. But I worry twice, because if something goes south, I have no protections.

You know when they say that if a man loves you, he will move the heavens and earth? If a man loves you, he will move pen and paper, even if it's the two of you. Believe that. Because if he loves you, he will put half where his love apparently is.

No more than 18 months, maybe two years. Or move on when it doesn't break you to do it.

[Anonymous]

^^pp here. Apologies. Apparently iPad hates my literacy. Apologies for punctuation and grammar.

[Anonymous]

This is a very broad question and it is nearly impossible to answer since every relationship varies.

There are not hard and set rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older than 27 = 1 year and not a minute more.

Are you serious? That isn't enough time to really know someone.

That's plenty of time to know somebody .And you can still divorce 10 years later after dating for 8.Dont you know that?

[Anonymous]

PP and after 27 it's 1 or 1.5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older than 27 = 1 year and not a minute more.

There you go!

[Anonymous]

I waited for over 3 years in my late 20s. That was way too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older than 27 = 1 year and not a minute more.

Are you serious? That isn't enough time to really know someone.

That's plenty of time to know somebody .And you can still divorce 10 years later after dating for 8.Dont you know that?

No, it isn't.

This is speaking from experience. This is also seeing enough relationships in my lifetime, every single one that got engaged in a year or less did not make it.

[Anonymous]

My mom and step dad got engaged after 3-4 months. They've been married 25 years. They agree they rushed into it, but they're happy and have 6 kids between them.