How long would you wait for a proposal?

[Anonymous]

I'm 27 years old and I've never received a marriage proposal.

I feel extremely unlovable after reading this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 27 years old and I've never received a marriage proposal.

I feel extremely unlovable after reading this thread.

I am 40 years old and have never gotten a marriage proposal. I have custody of my child 24/7 so I know that has scared quite a few guys away. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

I think people, if at all marriage-minded, talk about it and make arrangements by the two-year mark. If I wanted marriage, I wouldn't wait beyond that.

[Anonymous]

We've been together 9 years and there's no ring involved. He had military aspirations and I had academic aspirations we wanted to achieve before marriage. I completed my PhD a few weeks ago, and he finishes his current training in a couple months, and then it will be time. There has never been a question of if, just when.

[Anonymous]

Four seasons and not a day longer.

[Anonymous]

So for the people who have strict prerequisites, i.e. "If must be married by xx years of age" or "If you're not willing to propose before xx date then its over", I'm curious what the mindset is with regard to compatibility. I mean if you're with someone who you click with is that irrelevant if they don't propose or make you a mom by in xx years? Is there ever a point when your personal goals/expectations don't supersede the reality of having a comparable companion - which from what I understand isn't exactly easy these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 27 years old and I've never received a marriage proposal.

I feel extremely unlovable after reading this thread.

i say this in the nicest way possible - this is not a competition.

FWIW, i did not get engaged until 30yo. now that i am looking back at the age of 42yo, i still think 30 was young to be engaged!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 27 years old and I've never received a marriage proposal.

I feel extremely unlovable after reading this thread.

No, you just haven't found the right person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for the people who have strict prerequisites, i.e. "If must be married by xx years of age" or "If you're not willing to propose before xx date then its over", I'm curious what the mindset is with regard to compatibility. I mean if you're with someone who you click with is that irrelevant if they don't propose or make you a mom by in xx years? Is there ever a point when your personal goals/expectations don't supersede the reality of having a comparable companion - which from what I understand isn't exactly easy these days?

I'm curious too. What if there were legitimate circumstance roadblocks like saving for a ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people, if at all marriage-minded, talk about it and make arrangements by the two-year mark. If I wanted marriage, I wouldn't wait beyond that.

+1

There's a proposal and then there's a general discussion of whether the relationship is headed toward a permanent commitment or not. I say 18-24 months for the idea to come up in a discussion; another year to get around to the proposal. You can delay the wedding for several years if need be for logistical (financial, school, career, etc.) reasons.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't wait for a proposal at all. If I want to marry him I ask. I don't wait for the man to propose. That's so dated and has nothing to do with the kind of relationship I want to have.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't willing to talk with a partner about marriage and what it means to you, or to propose to him, then you aren't mature enough to get married. Communicating with your potential mate about the values you build relationships on is a key to avoid becoming another marriage/divorce statistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for the people who have strict prerequisites, i.e. "If must be married by xx years of age"

I don't think having an age/date by which you get married is necessarily relevant. You might get a good bit older before you yourself are really ready for marriage, and are therefore really ready - in the right mindset - to meet someone you do click with.

However, I do believe that IF you believe you are someone who desires marriage (people say one thing to themselves and others, while their actions tell another story), then there is something going on - your actions belie your professed desires - if you haven't found a suitable partner by, say, your 40s (and that something is not the absence of viable/suitable partners).

Further, it's perfectly reasonable for a woman to say, "I need to be done having babies by 40 or 35 or whatever" and then work backwards from that and decide she really wants to find a suitable marriage partner by...30 or 28 or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:...or "If you're not willing to propose before xx date then its over", I'm curious what the mindset is with regard to compatibility.

I do subscribe to this "not willing to [talk about marriage] before XX [time has passed in the relationship]...then it's over". I think that's true because I think you know the answer to the compatibility question by 6 months, and no longer than 12 months. Whether you recognize or accept the answer, you know it. You don't need 12 or 24 months of additional information to decide if you are compatible (you might be dense and need 12-24 months to figure out what you yourself really want, but that's not the same thing).

Anonymous wrote:I mean if you're with someone who you click with is that irrelevant if they don't propose or make you a mom by in xx years? Is there ever a point when your personal goals/expectations don't supersede the reality of having a comparable companion - which from what I understand isn't exactly easy these days?

Well, your premise and question are fundamentally flawed: IF you know you A) want to be married and/or B) want a family, and after a year or two, the other person isn't even talking to you about taking those steps, then are they really compatible? The lack of conversation about taking those steps is in fact your answer: no, they aren't really compatible. They don't have the same goals. They might be compatible in other ways, but not in sharing those goals.