Want to continue smoking pot, then we aren't paying for college

[Anonymous]

Go to college in Colorado-- even better! You're being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I think that is a good idea and good parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are his grades fine? Has he been in trouble with the police?

If your answers and yes and no, you're being absurd. Smoking pot isn't a big deal. It will be legal throughout the country before you die, promise.

Just tell him you won't pay any legal bills associated with it and it can't be done on your property.

You really want to destroy your relationship with your son over something this minor? Caz your ultimatum won't work.

It is for teens. It's illegal now and will remain illegal for teens everywhere. Besides the legality issue, it can also have a detrimental impact on the teen brain. What's harmless for an adult is not always harmless for a teen.

Occasional use by teens is to be expected. But if a kid can't or won't stop after his parents tell him he has to, then there is a problem. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent's telling a child to stop engaging in illegal activity.

OP, kids who can't or won't stop regular use of intoxicants often have underlying issues. Depression, stress, social troubles, etc. I would first try to figure out if there's an underlying issue. And if there is, try to address that first, in as non-judgmental a way as possible. Tell him you don't want him smoking or possessing while under your roof, of course. At the very least, it's inconsiderate to you and everyone else in the household. And it can be dangerous if he drives while high. It could impair his judgment about wise choices regarding sex and unintended pregnancy. It could impact his friendships and other relationships. It may become frequent enough to impact his grades.

But I wouldn't take away college. I'd make every effort to approach this from in a supportive and non-judgmental role. But also making it clear that his actions impact the household and he needs to understand he doesn't get 100% freedom to do anything he wants without consideration for others. If he wants to be treated like an adult, he needs to take on not just the adult fun, but the adult responsibilities as well.

[Anonymous]

I would just nt give him any spending money for college. So pay for his tuition, room, meal plan, and books with receipt (assuming you were planning to do that ), but do not give him any money for fun. Also stop giving him money for fun stuff now. Explain that it is because of the pot so you don't want to be funding that.

[Anonymous]

How will this solve the pot smoking problem? Won't it just make it worse? If your child does not go to college, won't he in fact be more prone to "hanging out" with pot-smoking loser friends and smoking pot all the time? If you want him to stop smoking pot, isn't having him leave the area and make new friends the best thing?

[Anonymous]

Adding, you just sound totally desperate OP. If you want him to stop smoking pot, make that your goal. Don't drag college into the equation because you may not like what happens next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just nt give him any spending money for college. So pay for his tuition, room, meal plan, and books with receipt (assuming you were planning to do that ), but do not give him any money for fun. Also stop giving him money for fun stuff now. Explain that it is because of the pot so you don't want to be funding that.

Students have been known to sell their books and meal plans for drugs.

[Anonymous]

Would you do the same thing with alcohol? I am not trying to minimize your concerns. I think my approach would be: I can't control you, but I will not subsidize it. I would put a GPA requirement on to ensure he is high functioning -- something like 3.4 depending on the school....

Oh, and make sure the child understands the impact it can have on career prospects..

[Anonymous]

OP - What will you do if he says "no"?

What will you do if he lies and says "OK"?

You plan on drug testing? I don't think your relationship would survive that.

I don't have an answer for you besides never threaten something you can't deliver, and this may be one of those things where you will never have the information you need to make good on this.

[Anonymous]

I do think pot is a big deal. I would want to know where he is getting the money to pay for it.

Anyone who has the time and money to spend on smoking pot can dedicate that time and money to (1) a job, and (2) contributing towards college expenses ($X; leave very little over for discretionary money).

Get him the book Buzzed. Share articles with him about the (permanent) effect of drugs and alcohol on the developing brain.

[Anonymous]

I support you OP. My kids are in high school. I have told them for years that kids who want to smoke pot or drink alcohol can do it in their own apartments. Out they go. Of course I know they will try it but smoking pot or using alcohol on a regular basis is destructive to their health and their lives. They have plenty of friends who smoke pot regularly and their parents don't care. It is just amazing to me that parents think it isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking about saying this to DS (a HS senior) about to graduate who has been caught with weed several times?

We're not paying for college AND we're sticking you in rehab.

That would be my version.

Please, don't understimate this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren't really going to follow through with it though, so why make empty threats?

Not OP, but who are you to say OP is not going to follow through?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't waste money on college for a stupid child. When your son stops smoking pot, he can pay for college himself or go to a votech school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pot is that much of a nuisance to you that you would risk your child not attending college? Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Oh, please.

OP's child is doing drugs. At that point, it's whatever it takes to keep him alive. Because yes, he will progress to heavier drugs, he'll steal, hurt people, maybe prostitute himself to finance his addiction, and end up dead.

He can go to college later if he gets clean. He can't go to college if he's dead.