Want to continue smoking pot, then we aren't paying for college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pot is that much of a nuisance to you that you would risk your child not attending college? Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Oh, please.

OP's child is doing drugs. At that point, it's whatever it takes to keep him alive. Because yes, he will progress to heavier drugs, he'll steal, hurt people, maybe prostitute himself to finance his addiction, and end up dead.

He can go to college later if he gets clean. He can't go to college if he's dead.

I'm the one you are responding to. I've smoked pot as a teen, and have never done any of those things that you listed. I've never even tried any other drug. Overreact much!!

Yah, but pot use tends to get you around people who use other recreational drugs so you wind up with more of an opportunity and exposure to heavier stuff. Much more so than drinking at parties does. Usually even at parties drug use is done in a more private area - they don't want to share and they don't necessarily want others to know what they're up to.

Did you see this in an anti-drug documentary somewhere. It's just not the case.

Just what I thought after I read it. No fucking clue.

No. I saw it. I was never into pot or other drugs (I did drink) but I knew folks and hung around folks who did use recreational drugs. Once you allow yourself to do something illegal like pot it is easier to allow yourself to try other illegal drugs. It doesn't mean that everyone who smokes pot tries cocaine but many of their fellow pot smokers probably have experimented with other illegal drugs - some do more than simply experiment.

I'm surprised that you all never saw this connection because it's pretty obvious. And it's quite real.

[Anonymous]

^Have you ever seen anyone OPENLY smoking pot and snorting cocaine at a crowded party?

[Anonymous]

I cannot and will not try to control what my kid puts in her body. Not my right, not my choice, not my sphere of control, not the relationship I want with her, not the kind of person I want either of us to be.

I can't be around any illegal behavior because of my job, though, so she needs to respect me enough to at least not put me in that position. Drug use should be a mature decision so I expect other mature decisions surrounding it.

Other than that, I certainly wouldn't take away college. I would probably take a practical view... we would have had (will have when she's a year or two older) a discussion about what reasonable standards are for me paying for college. A major financial investment should probably have a few agreed upon standards where if these aren't being met we should reevaluate whether it's a wise use of our money. I would treat the pot use as any other decision about free time and say as long as it's not causing a clear problem, we don't have a problem.

I would only stop paying for college at the point where the drug use was the cause behind missing classes, dropping classes, poor grades, disciplinary action potentially going to get her suspended/expelled, etc. Otherwise, as long as you're managing your life alright and not harming others, why should any of your decisions in your own time be relevant to anyone else?

My only advice would be to carefully consider the impact of drug use on future opportunities such as jobs. Be careful about if and how you can answer, "Have you used illegal drugs in the past 12 months ( or ever, depending)?" I'm not sure the trick where pot may have been legal in the jurisdiction where it was done will work, since it's illegal some places. I'd advise my DD to consider whether this matters to her and her desired future. If it doesn't, then that's that objection removed and we're back to respect and not letting it interfere with other life obligations, which is my stance for most things not just pot.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Did you post the other day OP? Seriously relax. Pot smoking is not the end of the world. [/quote]

I'm the OP from the other pot question. I'm not even considering not paying for college. I feel like we might have even bigger problems on our hands if I did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I saw it. I was never into pot or other drugs (I did drink) but I knew folks and hung around folks who did use recreational drugs. Once you allow yourself to do something illegal like pot it is easier to allow yourself to try other illegal drugs. It doesn't mean that everyone who smokes pot tries cocaine but many of their fellow pot smokers probably have experimented with other illegal drugs - some do more than simply experiment.

I'm surprised that you all never saw this connection because it's pretty obvious. And it's quite real.

I do think there is some validity to the "gateway drug" effect. I mean, very few people start with meth, crack, or heroin, right? Most addicts start with alcohol and/or pot and MAY move on to harder drugs, depending on their peers, drug availability, and other factors. But the majority of pot smokers don't turn into meth/crack/heroin addicts.

Correlation does not imply causation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking about saying this to DS (a HS senior) about to graduate who has been caught with weed several times?

We're not paying for college AND we're sticking you in rehab.

That would be my version.

Please, don't understimate this.

Terrible idea. This is where the naive HS weed smoker meets some real desperate cases on their final countdown. And he won't be scared straight by it, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I saw it. I was never into pot or other drugs (I did drink) but I knew folks and hung around folks who did use recreational drugs. Once you allow yourself to do something illegal like pot it is easier to allow yourself to try other illegal drugs. It doesn't mean that everyone who smokes pot tries cocaine but many of their fellow pot smokers probably have experimented with other illegal drugs - some do more than simply experiment.

I'm surprised that you all never saw this connection because it's pretty obvious. And it's quite real.

I do think there is some validity to the "gateway drug" effect. I mean, very few people start with meth, crack, or heroin, right? Most addicts start with alcohol and/or pot and MAY move on to harder drugs, depending on their peers, drug availability, and other factors. But the majority of pot smokers don't turn into meth/crack/heroin addicts.

Correlation does not imply causation.

People drink openly at parties, restaurants, bars, back yard bbqs. They typically do not sit outside bistros toking joints. Pot smoking is usually done in a back room (in private) and that is where other harder drugs are done. This is not to say that the typical pot smoker turns into an out of control coke or meth addict. But some do acquire a taste for the stuff that will not go away. I wasn't keeping score and I wasn't keeping track of who all was doing what - just that folks who smoked pot also tended to be more likely to try the harder stuff too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People drink openly at parties, restaurants, bars, back yard bbqs. They typically do not sit outside bistros toking joints. Pot smoking is usually done in a back room (in private) and that is where other harder drugs are done. This is not to say that the typical pot smoker turns into an out of control coke or meth addict. But some do acquire a taste for the stuff that will not go away. I wasn't keeping score and I wasn't keeping track of who all was doing what - just that folks who smoked pot also tended to be more likely to try the harder stuff too.

Of course, people who smoke pot are more likely to use harder drugs too. Just like people who drink are more likely to smoke pot than those who completely abstain. But again- smoking pot doesn't mean that someone is going to turn into a meth head. You're looking at this as a black-and-white issue when in reality, it is a wide spectrum.

As for parties, it all depends on the type of party and crowd. In college, I went to plenty of parties where pot was smoked openly and joints passed around. People could take a hit or pass it on. But since you (apparently) weren't openly okay with it- you probably never were invited to those kinds of parties. As a non-pot smoker, you're not going to walk into a backyard BBQ with a gravity bong next to the grill. But you'd probably be surprised at the number of people who DO smoke and attend social events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People drink openly at parties, restaurants, bars, back yard bbqs. They typically do not sit outside bistros toking joints. Pot smoking is usually done in a back room (in private) and that is where other harder drugs are done. This is not to say that the typical pot smoker turns into an out of control coke or meth addict. But some do acquire a taste for the stuff that will not go away. I wasn't keeping score and I wasn't keeping track of who all was doing what - just that folks who smoked pot also tended to be more likely to try the harder stuff too.

Of course, people who smoke pot are more likely to use harder drugs too. Just like people who drink are more likely to smoke pot than those who completely abstain. But again- smoking pot doesn't mean that someone is going to turn into a meth head. You're looking at this as a black-and-white issue when in reality, it is a wide spectrum.

As for parties, it all depends on the type of party and crowd. In college, I went to plenty of parties where pot was smoked openly and joints passed around. People could take a hit or pass it on. But since you (apparently) weren't openly okay with it- you probably never were invited to those kinds of parties. As a non-pot smoker, you're not going to walk into a backyard BBQ with a gravity bong next to the grill. But you'd probably be surprised at the number of people who DO smoke and attend social events.

Agree with this poster. I've been to parties like that too. I make my own choices and don't judge anyone else's and this is likely why I was invited, and why some others were not.
Still here, alive and well and a responsible, functioning member of society. Still smoke pot, never graduated to harder stuff despite the opportunities, blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People drink openly at parties, restaurants, bars, back yard bbqs. They typically do not sit outside bistros toking joints. Pot smoking is usually done in a back room (in private) and that is where other harder drugs are done. This is not to say that the typical pot smoker turns into an out of control coke or meth addict. But some do acquire a taste for the stuff that will not go away. I wasn't keeping score and I wasn't keeping track of who all was doing what - just that folks who smoked pot also tended to be more likely to try the harder stuff too.

Of course, people who smoke pot are more likely to use harder drugs too. Just like people who drink are more likely to smoke pot than those who completely abstain. But again- smoking pot doesn't mean that someone is going to turn into a meth head. You're looking at this as a black-and-white issue when in reality, it is a wide spectrum.

As for parties, it all depends on the type of party and crowd. In college, I went to plenty of parties where pot was smoked openly and joints passed around. People could take a hit or pass it on. But since you (apparently) weren't openly okay with it- you probably never were invited to those kinds of parties. As a non-pot smoker, you're not going to walk into a backyard BBQ with a gravity bong next to the grill. But you'd probably be surprised at the number of people who DO smoke and attend social events.

Usually there was a finite stash, so the crowd was not invited to participate - just other friends who were known to reciprocate the favor. I did not smoke pot but I was around folks that did. It wasn't a matter of me approving or not approving. I chose not to partake because I had tried it once, that was enough and it didn't do too much for me.

I never went to a crowded party (especially in college) where "everyone" was smoking pot. That's pretty bold. But whatever.

Suffice it to say, I'm middle aged now and it has been a very long time since I was anywhere near a party like that, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pot is that much of a nuisance to you that you would risk your child not attending college? Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Oh, please.

OP's child is doing drugs. At that point, it's whatever it takes to keep him alive. Because yes, he will progress to heavier drugs, he'll steal, hurt people, maybe prostitute himself to finance his addiction, and end up dead.

He can go to college later if he gets clean. He can't go to college if he's dead.

I'm the one you are responding to. I've smoked pot as a teen, and have never done any of those things that you listed. I've never even tried any other drug. Overreact much!!

I'm the poster you're quoting.

You were either incredibly lucky or you had above-average willpower and moral fibre. Or you had someone who was very, very good at rescuing you from that downward spiral.

I'm happy you never went on to harder drug and the behaviours that come with that kind of addiction. No one should go through that.

But I reject your accusation of overreacting. What I described is what happens to the vast majority of people who use drugs, even lighter ones. It is a slippery slope. The only way to be sure you'll stay alive and you won't wreck your life and other people's lives is not to start at all.

[Anonymous]

We don't give our kids recreational spending money. The same will be true at college. Tuition, fees, dorm, meal plan. Social life is on them (theoretically saved from summer jobs.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pot is that much of a nuisance to you that you would risk your child not attending college? Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Oh, please.

OP's child is doing drugs. At that point, it's whatever it takes to keep him alive. Because yes, he will progress to heavier drugs, he'll steal, hurt people, maybe prostitute himself to finance his addiction, and end up dead.

He can go to college later if he gets clean. He can't go to college if he's dead.

This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pot is that much of a nuisance to you that you would risk your child not attending college? Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Oh, please.

OP's child is doing drugs. At that point, it's whatever it takes to keep him alive. Because yes, he will progress to heavier drugs, he'll steal, hurt people, maybe prostitute himself to finance his addiction, and end up dead.

He can go to college later if he gets clean. He can't go to college if he's dead.

I'm the one you are responding to. I've smoked pot as a teen, and have never done any of those things that you listed. I've never even tried any other drug. Overreact much!!

I'm the poster you're quoting.

You were either incredibly lucky or you had above-average willpower and moral fibre. Or you had someone who was very, very good at rescuing you from that downward spiral.

I'm happy you never went on to harder drug and the behaviours that come with that kind of addiction. No one should go through that.

But I reject your accusation of overreacting. What I described is what happens to the vast majority of people who use drugs, even lighter ones. It is a slippery slope. The only way to be sure you'll stay alive and you won't wreck your life and other people's lives is not to start at all.

25 percent of teens try marijuana. I can assure you that the large majority of them, like myself, end up being productive members of society, and very few end up prostituting themselves to try to get their next toke.

[Anonymous]

This reefer madness/downward spiral business is true for some people, but not for most. Both DH and I smoked weed in hs and college well before we met each other. It wasn't really my thing (makes me too sleepy and lazy) so I didn't do it much. Tried one or two other drugs, once. DH actually tried lots and lots of other drugs in college and continued to do coke and smoke weed after college. He stopped altogether at some point in his 20s because it was an issue for me and our relationship, and because he matured. We're both successful professionals with kids, responsible, drink alcohol in moderation, and are otherwise totally normal people. Our friends are all over the spectrum in the same way.

Your son is about to be an adult. You won't be able to control him then, and you probably can't do much in the way of controlling him now. If you have genuine concerns about addiction or other red flag behaviors (like low grades, as other PPs have said), then address those. But he's going to make personal choices about alcohol, drugs, sex, and other things. You're going to have to learn to live with his choices.