Guns at Wedding Location/Home WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you're a Troll.

She said the guns are secured. What more do you really expect? Do you really think your kids are going to be roaming their HOUSE and playing with guns at a wedding? Jesus, watch your kids and start teaching THEM not to play with guns. Take some personal responsibility yourself, FFS.

yes, 2 year olds have a responsibility to not play with guns. Adults have zero responsibility to store them responsibly.

I didn't say that at all. Of course guns should be stored responsibly. But OP has a 7 year old and a 5 year old- they are certainly old enough to learn this lesson. If OP wants to let her kids run around free-range then she needs to accept the safety of the situation. If she cannot accept the safety of the situation, she needs to leave the kids at home or watch them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you know if you follow this issue on DCUM, a particular strain of gun owners will lie to you about this because it's "none of your business" whether or not they own guns. This being not only your sister but you and DH being close enough to them that you're in the wedding party, I think you have earned the right to roll your eyes and say "cut the bullshit" to that explanation. We had a great thread on this a few months ago from a guy who asked his family this every visit and they thought he was an urban liberal jerk that didn't trust them, but when he pushed they were UNLOCKED, LOADED, AND ACCESSIBLE. They at least had the good sense to be embarrassed about it. Truly responsible gun owners know that mistakes happen and will stomach a little embarrassment for the ultimate goal of safety. He was posting asking about how to navigate the gun culture.

Assuming a generally normal relationship--what I would do is drop it for now, and pull your sister aside when you get there and have her show you that they are locked and unloaded. She may resist but play the concerned parent card and say you don't want this on your mind and can she please just show you that everything is OK. She (or her dh) should be able to DEMONSTRATE to you--e.g. by showing you an empty chamber--that the guns are unloaded, and then lock them up in front of you. That is how actual responsible gun owners who give a damn about their family members act. If you've had ANY arguments about guns in the past, this will likely be very uncomfortable for you all. The onus will be on you, as the hardass in this situation, to similarly demonstrate that you are not judging their decision to own guns in any way, just ensuring safety. Once they've done it all, thank them profusely and then let it go.

signed, someone who grew up outside gun culture, married into it, and can speak both languages.

This is the OP, and I am so grateful for your post! Thank you! I was hoping my DH and I could do this together when we get there. We will have several days before the wedding helping with prep, so I think it will be more effective to have the conversation in person, as you suggest. I am not familiar with gun culture at all, so I appreciate the "etiquette" tips. I want to be respectful, of course, but I am concerned. My children are not used to guns and haven't been raised around them. Their understanding of safe storage might be very different from ours. I also will look into a babysitter for an extra set of eyes.

Thank you for not pooh pooing my post. It is a real situation and a difficult one.

[Anonymous]

Rural TX? And you are worried about the locked up guns? Hahah. Oh OP, you so silly.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you talk to your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you're a Troll.

She said the guns are secured. What more do you really expect? Do you really think your kids are going to be roaming their HOUSE and playing with guns at a wedding? Jesus, watch your kids and start teaching THEM not to play with guns. Take some personal responsibility yourself, FFS.

yes, 2 year olds have a responsibility to not play with guns. Adults have zero responsibility to store them responsibly.

I didn't say that at all. Of course guns should be stored responsibly. But OP has a 7 year old and a 5 year old- they are certainly old enough to learn this lesson. If OP wants to let her kids run around free-range then she needs to accept the safety of the situation. If she cannot accept the safety of the situation, she needs to leave the kids at home or watch them.

Well, I'd still rather my children not end up dead because they are still working on self-restraint. So yeah, still the adult's responsibility.

Is this the line of thinking that allows gun owners to ignore all the reports of children that are killed with firearms? Oh, the five year old should have known better?

[Anonymous]

14:38 here. glad to help. if I get another few minutes I will look for that thread. It was a great discussion, and you can't say that about many gun discussions around here.

The key is really respect. anti-gun urbanites are not as subtle as we think we are about hiding the disdain we feel for gun owners, so they get defensive and exacerbate their asshole tendencies. It's not anyone's finest hour. If the wedding's not like next week, I'd pick up and read "Gun Guys" for more cultural insight. One thing it will teach you is how important safety is to the gun culture, so you'll be able to spot when your family is trying to pull wool over your eyes that "everybody does [unsafe thing]."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'd still rather my children not end up dead because they are still working on self-restraint. So yeah, still the adult's responsibility.

Is this the line of thinking that allows gun owners to ignore all the reports of children that are killed with firearms? Oh, the five year old should have known better?

1) the sister already said they're locked up.
2) if you fear for your kids' safety, then you or another responsible adult needs to watch them the whole time.
3) I don't own guns
4) yes, the 5 year old should be taught to never play with guns and should leave any situation where somebody is playing with a gun
5) the vast majority of children killed by firearms are those NOT stored safely and responsibly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:38 here. glad to help. if I get another few minutes I will look for that thread. It was a great discussion, and you can't say that about many gun discussions around here.

The key is really respect. anti-gun urbanites are not as subtle as we think we are about hiding the disdain we feel for gun owners, so they get defensive and exacerbate their asshole tendencies. It's not anyone's finest hour. If the wedding's not like next week, I'd pick up and read "Gun Guys" for more cultural insight. One thing it will teach you is how important safety is to the gun culture, so you'll be able to spot when your family is trying to pull wool over your eyes that "everybody does [unsafe thing]."

Op again, yes, thank you! I know they care about the kids but it's a MYOB thing. My sis is a former northeast liberal (lol!) so seeing her in this culture now is interesting to say the least. I try to be respectful, but my children's safety is paramount.

[Anonymous]

You also dont' want your kids jumping into your sister's cars and starting them up or releasing the parking brake. If she says they're locked and keys are not in the ignition, do you trust her or you ask for more details?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'd still rather my children not end up dead because they are still working on self-restraint. So yeah, still the adult's responsibility.

Is this the line of thinking that allows gun owners to ignore all the reports of children that are killed with firearms? Oh, the five year old should have known better?

1) the sister already said they're locked up.
2) if you fear for your kids' safety, then you or another responsible adult needs to watch them the whole time.
3) I don't own guns
4) yes, the 5 year old should be taught to never play with guns and should leave any situation where somebody is playing with a gun
5) the vast majority of children killed by firearms are those NOT stored safely and responsibly

But isn't #5 the issue here? OP isn't confident that her sister's guns are stored safely and responsibly, and her sister won't have a conversation about it to set OP's mind at ease.

[Anonymous]

14:38 again, that was easy. "gun culture family" got it right up. You'll recognize me on there good luck!!

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/435376.page

Another thought, if you trust your family to do it and if your 7yo is mature enough, he/she might be old enough to learn basic gun handling and safety. You think she's the cool aunt NOW? IME with pro-gun family members, nothing says to them "my anti-gun family member may not be the jerk I thought they were" like a willingness to go to the range and learn to shoot. They know it is a huge step for you and can respect it (again--assuming generally normal interactions here). Something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Once a family member told that they were stored/locked away and safe, only to later find out that they were in a latched box under the couch. I agree with the earlier helpful poster that you need to push for this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:38 here. glad to help. if I get another few minutes I will look for that thread. It was a great discussion, and you can't say that about many gun discussions around here.

The key is really respect. anti-gun urbanites are not as subtle as we think we are about hiding the disdain we feel for gun owners, so they get defensive and exacerbate their asshole tendencies. It's not anyone's finest hour. If the wedding's not like next week, I'd pick up and read "Gun Guys" for more cultural insight. One thing it will teach you is how important safety is to the gun culture, so you'll be able to spot when your family is trying to pull wool over your eyes that "everybody does [unsafe thing]."

Op again, yes, thank you! I know they care about the kids but it's a MYOB thing. My sis is a former northeast liberal (lol!) so seeing her in this culture now is interesting to say the least. I try to be respectful, but my children's safety is paramount.

(14:38) that's a huge advantage. If you have a good relationship I think this can go very smoothly if you go a bit of the distance she's gone--it's probably been quite a journey for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a family member told that they were stored/locked away and safe, only to later find out that they were in a latched box under the couch. I agree with the earlier helpful poster that you need to push for this!

Op again. This is what concerns me. They are younger and don't have children. And they aren't children much. They don't understand that while most adults would see a latched box under the sofa and leave it be, a 5-7 year old sees that and thinks "cool! A hidden treasure chest!"

Kids are kids. And mine aren't gun Saavy.

[Anonymous]

14:38 again. Maybe arrange to have your sis watch all 3 kids the first hour or so after you arrive. Give her an appreciation for how kids are into EVERY-damn-thang. Later that night when they're asleep you can have your safety discussion, and reference her afternoon of watching the kids and how hard it was.

We used this trick when we went to stay with my parents for 2 weeks with our 18 month old and they hadn't put a gate at the top of the stairs like we'd repeatedly asked. We just had them run toddler interference upstairs for a while. They had a gate up the next day.

Not sure why everyone thinks OP's situation is so unreal. that her sister would marry a texan? that a texan would have guns? that two unmarried people wouldn't be familiar with how kids are? where is the "you're making this up, this could never happen" bit?