Men Should Be Aggressive Except When They Shouldn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here who has been harping about consent.

Unrelated, do women actually like this "draw her a bubble bath" business? Do they find it erotic? I like bubble baths, but honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex, running me a bath is not the way to make that happen. If my husband wanted to be nice to me, he would draw be a bubble bath, pour me a glass of champagne, hand me some trashy new novel and then take DD to a park for a couple hours.

For me they work. I am much more inclined to get sexy when I feel like I have been doted on. I guess everyone's love language is different, but I find it to be a form of foreplay. My husband and I had a real rough patch a few years ago, that almost came to divorce, and after we reconciled he really made an afford to be more thoughtful. Now he will do small things throughout the day to let me know he's thinking of me. For example, when I go to take a shower, he will have left my slippers and a bathrobe hanging next to it. While it's a small gesture, it let's me know that I'm high on his priority list. Or he will call me in the middle of the day to say not to bother with dinner, that he's taking me out. He makes an effort to really listen to me when I'm speaking, not in that annoyingly dense typical male way, but with real understanding and interest. All those things add up to make me feel much sexier, and much more connected to him. I have to feel connected to someone to have sex with them. So it's a win win for both of us- I get to feel cherished, and he gets to have his sexy times, and get my love in return when I feel valued. It's really worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who has been harping about consent.

Unrelated, do women actually like this "draw her a bubble bath" business? Do they find it erotic? I like bubble baths, but honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex, running me a bath is not the way to make that happen. If my husband wanted to be nice to me, he would draw be a bubble bath, pour me a glass of champagne, hand me some trashy new novel and then take DD to a park for a couple hours.

For me they work. I am much more inclined to get sexy when I feel like I have been doted on. I guess everyone's love language is different, but I find it to be a form of foreplay. My husband and I had a real rough patch a few years ago, that almost came to divorce, and after we reconciled he really made an afford to be more thoughtful. Now he will do small things throughout the day to let me know he's thinking of me. For example, when I go to take a shower, he will have left my slippers and a bathrobe hanging next to it. While it's a small gesture, it let's me know that I'm high on his priority list. Or he will call me in the middle of the day to say not to bother with dinner, that he's taking me out. He makes an effort to really listen to me when I'm speaking, not in that annoyingly dense typical male way, but with real understanding and interest. All those things add up to make me feel much sexier, and much more connected to him. I have to feel connected to someone to have sex with them. So it's a win win for both of us- I get to feel cherished, and he gets to have his sexy times, and get my love in return when I feel valued. It's really worked for us.

This sounds amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who has been harping about consent.

Unrelated, do women actually like this "draw her a bubble bath" business? Do they find it erotic? I like bubble baths, but honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex, running me a bath is not the way to make that happen. If my husband wanted to be nice to me, he would draw be a bubble bath, pour me a glass of champagne, hand me some trashy new novel and then take DD to a park for a couple hours.

For me they work. I am much more inclined to get sexy when I feel like I have been doted on. I guess everyone's love language is different, but I find it to be a form of foreplay. My husband and I had a real rough patch a few years ago, that almost came to divorce, and after we reconciled he really made an afford to be more thoughtful. Now he will do small things throughout the day to let me know he's thinking of me. For example, when I go to take a shower, he will have left my slippers and a bathrobe hanging next to it. While it's a small gesture, it let's me know that I'm high on his priority list. Or he will call me in the middle of the day to say not to bother with dinner, that he's taking me out. He makes an effort to really listen to me when I'm speaking, not in that annoyingly dense typical male way, but with real understanding and interest. All those things add up to make me feel much sexier, and much more connected to him. I have to feel connected to someone to have sex with them. So it's a win win for both of us- I get to feel cherished, and he gets to have his sexy times, and get my love in return when I feel valued. It's really worked for us.

This sounds amazing.

x2. Sign me up.

[Anonymous]

Aggressive? I'd settle for him initiating once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who has been harping about consent.

Unrelated, do women actually like this "draw her a bubble bath" business? Do they find it erotic? I like bubble baths, but honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex, running me a bath is not the way to make that happen. If my husband wanted to be nice to me, he would draw be a bubble bath, pour me a glass of champagne, hand me some trashy new novel and then take DD to a park for a couple hours.

For me they work. I am much more inclined to get sexy when I feel like I have been doted on. I guess everyone's love language is different, but I find it to be a form of foreplay. My husband and I had a real rough patch a few years ago, that almost came to divorce, and after we reconciled he really made an afford to be more thoughtful. Now he will do small things throughout the day to let me know he's thinking of me. For example, when I go to take a shower, he will have left my slippers and a bathrobe hanging next to it. While it's a small gesture, it let's me know that I'm high on his priority list. Or he will call me in the middle of the day to say not to bother with dinner, that he's taking me out. He makes an effort to really listen to me when I'm speaking, not in that annoyingly dense typical male way, but with real understanding and interest. All those things add up to make me feel much sexier, and much more connected to him. I have to feel connected to someone to have sex with them. So it's a win win for both of us- I get to feel cherished, and he gets to have his sexy times, and get my love in return when I feel valued. It's really worked for us.

He gets to have his sexy times? WTF does that mean? Clearly sexual intimacy is a transaction for you. How sad that the act itself isn't enough to make you feel cherished. And how horrible for your DH. The very definition of pussy whipped.

[Anonymous]

I like it when a guy is respectful and makes sure that I am "consenting" when we first get together. After I have kissed you or gone further, I welcome a more aggressive approach regarding things we have already done. After I have slept with a guy once and he knows we are continuing in a relationship, I love it when he throws me on the bed and takes charge. I wouldn't want it quite that aggressive the first time, though.

As another concrete example. If we have had sex in several interesting positions, he doesn't need to ask to do those again. On the other hand, if he decided to try anal without asking -- I'd kick his ass.

All in all, I have found that men respect concrete boundaries. I try not to give off mixed signals. So far (maybe I am lucky), no one has ever done anything I would consider even slightly rapey. I grew up with brothers and am not afraid to speak my mind around men. While I do acknowledge that there are sexually aggressive men who don't listen to no, I think the vast majority of men will respect a firm no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who has been harping about consent.

Unrelated, do women actually like this "draw her a bubble bath" business? Do they find it erotic? I like bubble baths, but honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex, running me a bath is not the way to make that happen. If my husband wanted to be nice to me, he would draw be a bubble bath, pour me a glass of champagne, hand me some trashy new novel and then take DD to a park for a couple hours.

For me they work. I am much more inclined to get sexy when I feel like I have been doted on. I guess everyone's love language is different, but I find it to be a form of foreplay. My husband and I had a real rough patch a few years ago, that almost came to divorce, and after we reconciled he really made an afford to be more thoughtful. Now he will do small things throughout the day to let me know he's thinking of me. For example, when I go to take a shower, he will have left my slippers and a bathrobe hanging next to it. While it's a small gesture, it let's me know that I'm high on his priority list. Or he will call me in the middle of the day to say not to bother with dinner, that he's taking me out. He makes an effort to really listen to me when I'm speaking, not in that annoyingly dense typical male way, but with real understanding and interest. All those things add up to make me feel much sexier, and much more connected to him. I have to feel connected to someone to have sex with them. So it's a win win for both of us- I get to feel cherished, and he gets to have his sexy times, and get my love in return when I feel valued. It's really worked for us.

This sounds amazing.

x2. Sign me up.

x3

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the whole thread, but yes, I like assertive, dominant men. Not in a I'm disregarding you because I want you way, but in the I really want you right now, can I show you way. I'm receptive to a man who'll kiss me like there is no tomorrow. Or who'll grab me and show me he's aroused by me. I'm not receptive to a man who'll push if I say not tonight. It's one thing to play coy and say but the kids are sleeping and then he can say, well, how about in the closet, and you giggle and go for a quikie, and another if he pushes when you said and meant no explicitly. But a man who cannot control that he desires me and calls me when drunk to let me know (assuming it's mutual, etc). Super turn on.

[Anonymous]

I like it when a guy is assertive, but I'm usually pretty clear in my intentions. If I'm interested, you'll get a strong "go" signal - then be as aggressive as you can. However, if I say no, it'll be a strong no, and you better damn well respect it.

If I'm truly on the fence - I want to, but am kind of distracted and stressed out thinking about work or kids or whatever - I might project that indecision. This might be the "soft no" you're referring to, but I'm really not playing games, you caught me off guard and I'm trying to make up my mind. In that case, you can take it a little further and see how I respond. Sometimes a more assertive approach takes my mind off everything else and I can get in the mood. If not, I'll tell you to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who has been harping about consent.

Unrelated, do women actually like this "draw her a bubble bath" business? Do they find it erotic? I like bubble baths, but honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex, running me a bath is not the way to make that happen. If my husband wanted to be nice to me, he would draw be a bubble bath, pour me a glass of champagne, hand me some trashy new novel and then take DD to a park for a couple hours.

For me they work. I am much more inclined to get sexy when I feel like I have been doted on. I guess everyone's love language is different, but I find it to be a form of foreplay. My husband and I had a real rough patch a few years ago, that almost came to divorce, and after we reconciled he really made an afford to be more thoughtful. Now he will do small things throughout the day to let me know he's thinking of me. For example, when I go to take a shower, he will have left my slippers and a bathrobe hanging next to it. While it's a small gesture, it let's me know that I'm high on his priority list. Or he will call me in the middle of the day to say not to bother with dinner, that he's taking me out. He makes an effort to really listen to me when I'm speaking, not in that annoyingly dense typical male way, but with real understanding and interest. All those things add up to make me feel much sexier, and much more connected to him. I have to feel connected to someone to have sex with them. So it's a win win for both of us- I get to feel cherished, and he gets to have his sexy times, and get my love in return when I feel valued. It's really worked for us.

He gets to have his sexy times? WTF does that mean? Clearly sexual intimacy is a transaction for you. How sad that the act itself isn't enough to make you feel cherished. And how horrible for your DH. The very definition of pussy whipped.

I'm with you. She gets to feel cherished and he gets sexy time because he dotes on her. I'm sorry, that sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

A man who even suggests the existence of a "soft no" is deemed "rapey" by many women. Yet, here are educated women casually talking about what is not supposed to exist.

[Anonymous]

Hot guy being aggressive = hell yes
Ugly guy being aggressive = rapist

[Anonymous]

I have been very explicit with past partners and DH about my preferences,outlining dominant scenarios that turn me in but also things I am not into. I have no issue telling someone during foreplay or sex if I lime something or if something doesn't make me feel good, safe, etc.just as I think it is incumbent on men to seek consent, it us incumbent in women to vocalize preferences and learn how to own their sexuality.

Of course, even after all that, I seemed to have ended up
With a man who is aggressive everywhere but in bed, and it's the opposite I want, but DH feels constrained. And he's very vanilla (I ask, he says
Okay I'll try that next time, but never does, so I've stopped asking and have kind if list interest in sex with him because thee is no eroticism, just the same lights out, no play , no fantasy, mechanics)....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot guy being aggressive = hell yes
Ugly guy being aggressive = rapist

rapists are only guilty of being ugly! thats a legitimate courtroom defense, lol.

[Anonymous]

Love it when my DH is aggressive & pushy. So hot. No political correctness in my bedroom please.