Help me understand my DH's drinking
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Anonymous
you don't need to find out "why" he drinks if he is an alcoholic. Alcoholics are not choosing to drink to erase some problem, they drink because it feels good and they are addicted. |
Anonymous
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Hmm. This is me. It's also many, many of my friends and colleagues, so I'm a little surprised at the universal reaction here that this is fringe/problem behavior. Anyway, the money isn't really an issue for us and I don't think it alters behavior at home (DW has never indicated so anyway). It makes it hard to stay in shape is my biggest issue. Ideally I'd cut back but don't, so I think that essentially signals "problem" if not alcoholic. Does your DH actually want to cut back or stop, or is this just you? I think you should just talk to him and see what he says. Problem for me and possibly him is that I just really like it! It helps de stress after a long/stressful work day, and frankly things at home with young kids and wife and work are pretty mundane. So, OP, I respect that you are concerned, especially if DH is acting like a jerk after a couple beers (which to be honest seems a bit odd to have a visible effect with such a small amount for someone who drinks regularly). But I'd start by just checking in to see what DH thinks about it. How old is DH? That makes a difference too. Most guys I know in early/mid 30s still live like this.
PS - the idea that someone who drinks even 3-5 drinks 6-7 days a week is taking pops at the office is a bit out there. I think we are talking about an order of magnitude difference between those two scenarios, at least in my experience. As I said above I drink probably way too much and am in that 6-7 days a week category and never once drank at the office (outside of designated happy hours or holiday parties). |
Anonymous
| My DH doesn't want to talk about it. Like a PP said in her case with her DH, he feels like I'm nagging, that it is my problem more than his. He doesn't want to cut back and says he likes the taste. I can be anxious anyhow so that's why I wondered if maybe it's me. He is otherwise in good health. I really don't think he drinks at work. |
Anonymous
Well, good luck. Sounds like he drinks a little too much and you're a little too inclined to worry, so in combination it's an issue. Maybe just give it time, it may well be a phase. I do think the early responses to this thread skewed toward greater concern/hysterics than is probably warranted here (many people obviously have bad experiences, baggage, etc. that they bring to this issue, which is totally understandable). But for many others drinking a lot is just an enjoyable and manageable part of life. Your situation doesn't sound intrinsically out of line, other than DH's behavior toward you when drinking and your inability to talk to him without it being construed as nagging, which suggest the drinking thing may not be the real issue. |
Anonymous
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My DH does this, though similar to 22:32 prob not 3-5 per night. Some nights, yes. Some nights, only 2, and some nights none. He used to drink a lot more in terms of binging on weekends, so in many ways this is an improvement.
I'm personally of the view that drinking literally every day is not a good thing, but am working on accepting that he feels differently. The money also bugs me. I pick battles though and the one I pick is when his behavior changes. Even after just a couple, frequently I do pick up a change in demeanor and whatever the mood was gets magnified, so bad moods are worse, good moods are hyper good (and annoying), feelings are hurt more easily, temper is shorter, etc. I don't like it. The tack I've taken recently is to point out that our kids, who are young now, will notice in the future and then it won't just be me "nagging."I don't think he wants that but I guess we'll see. I also drink a fair amt myself so maybe I can relate. I periodically fall into a half-bottle of wine/night habit, which is something like 3 glasses. I have never taken "nips" at work, and agree again with 22:32 that that's pretty eyeroll-worthy. Anyway, I would suggest picking what really bugs you most and trying to address that. It's probably how he treats you and/or the personality change and that's totally fair. I've said before things like, I'm telling you I don't like how you act and isn't that enough? And he has acknowledged, yes it is. We're working on it. |
Anonymous
| Even a beer a night is an issue. |
Anonymous
LOL |
Anonymous
| It's not money it's quantity. Money is because he's drinking good alcohol. |
Anonymous
1 drink per day for women and up to 2 drinks per day for men. |
Anonymous
| He's an alcoholic |
Anonymous
Is okay. |
Anonymous
| You know that frequent consumption is enough for him to go into DTs if he stops.... |
Anonymous
LOL. Ok I get it, you're the same people who ask earnest questions about scripture on DCUM. |
Anonymous
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3-5/night is high.
atleast he's drinking good stuff at home - if his habit was at the bar, you'd be dropping double/triple that easy. A couple of nice cocktails would run 20-25 bucks at a nice spot- 5x a week after work would run you atleast 400 a month. |
Anonymous
| I am not sure if he has a problem on not. Real test will be if he can stop for a bit with out any problems. |