Help me understand my DH's drinking
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Anonymous
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I'm worried sick about him, and don't know if I'm overreacting. He's always been a beer snob, but for the past couple of years has taken to drinking the equivalent of 3-5 drinks a night. This is a combination of high-end beer -- which often have higher alcohol content -- and, a couple times a week, a double of high-end scotch or bourbon. So he's at 20-25 drinks a week. He drinks at night, usually after the kids go to bed, and occasionally has a beer before dinner. It costs a lot, $200-300 a month. He's otherwise functional. Not often pleasant to be around after his second beer, but I'll just go to bed and avoid him. He gets up in the morning, holds a job, does a lot around the house. He's not sneaking nips at work or anything.
I'll admit, the money bugs me. But I don't like how he gets impatient and snappy after he's been drinking, which again is nightly, and I worry alot about his long-term health. I'd love to hear perspective from others, especially if your SO is similar. I can be anxiety-prone, so maybe it's just me? TIA. |
Anonymous
| That seems like a lot. It's not good for your body to consume that much alcohol. Have you addressed it with him? What was his reaction? If this was my DH I would definitely confront him. A few drinks after the kids are in bed on the weekend is fine, but every night seems like overkill. I know I worry about my husbands health a lot so that would be my concern. |
Anonymous
| I like my wine. Oh, yes I do. But I can't imagine having 3-5 glasses every night. That's a lot. I think you have a right to be worried. I'm sorry and hope things work out for you. Maybe try Al-Anon? |
Anonymous
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Your husband is a high functioning alcoholic.
The money spent on liquor would bother me, the attitude while drunk would upset me, finding out why he drinks is a priority. His health is his business. No man ever quit doing bad things because his spouse worried about his health. He's not a dummy. |
Anonymous
| How do you know he is not "sneaking nips" during the work day? He may be successfully sneaking a drink or two with lunch. Bottom line, his casual drinking has expanded into a problem. |
Anonymous
| What's to understand? Accept the fact that he is an alcoholic. Get out because his next drink is the most important thing in his life. |
Anonymous
| It's not just you. He has a drinking problem. |
Anonymous
| Not necessarily an alcoholic but definitely a problem drinker. Nobody should be drinking enough to change behavior, particularly for the worse. Do you have kids? I would t want them growing up watching that.... |
Anonymous
| Sounds like my DH. You have to nip it in the bud. I let it get out of control and my spouse got wasted in front of our kids while I was sleeping. When he came to bed he could barely stand up. I woke up to him almost tumbling out our closed bedroom window. My kids standing in the doorway crying and worried. I waited til he sobered up and told him that I don't care what he does, he is a big boy, but this is my home and I have my kid's safety to look after. If he chooses to get drunk he will go to a cheap motel and separate himself from our family. I am prepared to leave him if he lies about drinking one more time. I love him dearly but I can't do this anymore. |
Anonymous
| OP, I second the recommendation to try Al-Anon. Your dh may or may not be an alcoholic but you'll get support for dealing with his drinking there. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Make him get a physical and urine or blood analysis. His doc will tell him to cut down. |
Anonymous
| My dad was a high functioning alcoholic for 40 years. Then his liver said, "Enough is enough" and he died in his early 60s. Not an easy way to go. Your DH is an alcoholic. |
Anonymous
| Possibly depressed and self-medicating. |
Anonymous
| Wow, OP. I could have written this post, except my DH is at about 2-3 drinks a night. High end beer and fancy scotch also. I am going to follow this post for ideas. He reminds me that I nag him all of the time, so I can't really say much to him about it. He had a physical last year and his doc told him that he is very healthy, which did not help my stance one bit... |
Anonymous
I'm sorry.  My husband used to drink 5-6 beers a night. His behavior was horrible. It's not just physical health that matters, it's also behavior. It can and does impact loved ones.
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