So: Are there good guys and girls out there? Is anyone happily married for a long time?
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Anonymous
| Happily married here, just celebrated our 20th in Sept. |
Anonymous
| OP, it clicks for some people. It doesn't click for everyone. It may or may not click for you. There is hope, but there are no guarantees. I think you know all this already. |
Anonymous
Haven't I dated my fair share of baggage women who just couldn't get over the fact that good men are still out there?! OP, marriage/monogamy isn't for everyone. The fact that you know it is for you, and it isn't for your ex, doesn't justify assuming that it isn't for every guy you will likely meet. Find a guy that believes in marriage/monogamy and quit holding other men responsible for who your ex really turned out to be. |
Anonymous
Do you have children together? Having a hard time believing you would be this way if you threw kids into the mix (let alone have the time to do happy hours together). |
Anonymous
| 10 years. so far so good! there are rough patches, but none of those have involved deceit/betrayal, and that's why I think the bond has grown. |
Anonymous
OP-here. I know that of course, but knowing and acting aren't the same thinking. All you hear from women who are dating or in relationships is how terrible the men they're with act. And people around "baggage women" egg them on, not help calm them down. People would tell me that "no one else would date him, of course he's coming for you," and just be careful, because him saying or doing this means that, and before I knew it, their reactions and my own fears culminated in me freaking out majorly and often. When you've been deeply hurt, it's hard to act like you've never been hurt, no matter how hard you work on it. I learned the hard way to tone that down, that even if I feel it, don't show it, don't question, don't try to be one or ten steps ahead. But that also taught me that the man I do want to be with will be understanding, he will be empathetic. That he has a right to be upset, but will hold me and hold on to me long enough for me to not have doubts or fears. Because he has given me enough hope and enough room to heal. Empathy is extremely important to me, if I'd done the freak out/doubt thing for months or years, sure, be afraid. But if it's at the beginning, and you are aware I am hurt and scared then I want a man who's strong enough to withstand initial fear. My guy friends tell me I'm worth a man who'll see that and stay, so I'm holding on to the slight hope that I will meet the man they keep telling me I deserve. But on behalf of "baggage-women" I'm sorry. It's tough to be us, tough to be with us. |
Anonymous
| OP here again, for everyone else, THANK YOU! It's nice to read these encouraging stories. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I kissed a lot of frogs to get to my prince. We are together over 8 years, married 4 and are best friends. I love him dearly and cannot imagine life without him. Hang in there, Mr. Right is out there. Know your 'deal breakers' and stick to them. If you don't hit it off right away with a suitor, move on. Don't waste time or try to talk yourself into someone. I dated many that looked great on paper, but their actions spoke otherwise. I wish you all the best and a part of my heart remembers what it's like to be single and dating.
The posts on here remind me how very lucky I am and how much I appreciate my husband. I tell him this often and he asks why I read this crap. LOL! |
Anonymous
You're right. Kids ruin marriages. |
Anonymous
| I have a great marriage. Married 14 years, 2 kids. My wife just gets better. |
Anonymous
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Together with my DH for 26 years, married for 22, four kids, very happy! I'm still in love with him & we have a close relationship. We spend lots of time together & genuinely are each other's best friend.
I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you in the past & hope you'll find what you desire! |
Anonymous
| This is PP. Regarding the person who said that kids ruin marriages, that's not true IMO. Kids grow up before you know it. Suddenly we have only one still in the nest (soon to graduate HS), and DH and I have plenty of time to go out to dinner & have dates. Everything comes back around full circle, and the relationship is that much richer for having survived the tough early years of infancy & toddlerhood. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. I'm a DH who, if I'm honest, isn't having as much sex with my wife as I'd like. And kids are no small part of that dynamic. But, that said, the other dynamics introduced by the kids make life in general much richer, deeper, and better. Kids change relationships for sure. But I think more often than not, they strengthen rather than weaken them. |
Anonymous
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Not as long as you're asking, but we have been together for seven years, married for four. And still ridiculously happy. I think every day how lucky I am.
My biggest piece if advice is to never settle if you're not happy. I had a lot of serious relationships where I thought I'd eventually get married, but wasn't totally happy. I rationalized that by thinking that all relationships have problems, none are perfect. What I realized when I started dating DH is that those feelings of unease or unhappiness don't have to exist in every relationship. Let me be clear- I'm certainly not perfect and neither is DH. He has habits that I'm sure would make someone else really frustrated and unhappy. The difference is that to me, they're minor- truly minor. |
Anonymous
| 22 years. Still very interested in each other and laugh a lot. |