Reply to So: Are there good guys and girls out there? Is anyone happily married for a long time?

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Reply to "So: Are there good guys and girls out there? Is anyone happily married for a long time?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP-here. I thought I did everything right with my ex. I was honest, faithful, I was available emotionally and sexually. Addressed issues head on, with calm and honest demeanor. I'm attractive. It still failed. He still cheated, left and said he never loved me. Wrecked me bad. I gave up on men for a while, met one I really like, [b]but kept thinking he had to be fake/lying/have ulterior motives, and I ruined it.[/b] I look around and I see similar stories, and I'm just wondering, will it all ever click for me? Does it click for anyone? Is there really happiness with another or are we deluding ourselves. I know everyone asks these questions and the books I read on the topic make me ask more not answer any. I'm in a mood. Thanks for indulging me.[/quote]

Haven't I dated my fair share of [b]baggage women [/b]who just couldn't get over the fact that good men are still out there?!

OP, [b]marriage/monogamy isn't for everyone. The fact that you know it is for you, and it isn't for your ex, doesn't justify assuming that it isn't for every guy you will likely meet. Find a guy that believes in marriage/monogamy and quit holding other men responsible for who your ex really turned out to be[/b].[/quote]

OP-here. I know that of course, but knowing and acting aren't the same thinking. All you hear from women who are dating or in relationships is how terrible the men they're with act. And people around "baggage women" egg them on, not help calm them down. People would tell me that "no one else would date him, of course he's coming for you," and just be careful, because him saying or doing this means that, and before I knew it, their reactions and my own fears culminated in me freaking out majorly and often. When you've been deeply hurt, it's hard to act like you've never been hurt, no matter how hard you work on it.

I learned the hard way to tone that down, that even if I feel it, don't show it, don't question, don't try to be one or ten steps ahead. But that also taught me that the man I do want to be with will be understanding, he will be empathetic. That he has a right to be upset, but will hold me and hold on to me long enough for me to not have doubts or fears. Because he has given me enough hope and enough room to heal. Empathy is extremely important to me, if I'd done the freak out/doubt thing for months or years, sure, be afraid. But if it's at the beginning, and you are aware I am hurt and scared then I want a man who's strong enough to withstand initial fear. My guy friends tell me I'm worth a man who'll see that and stay, so I'm holding on to the slight hope that I will meet the man they keep telling me I deserve. But on behalf of "baggage-women" I'm sorry. It's tough to be us, tough to be with us. [/quote]

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