Christmas present for hard to please MIL

[Anonymous]

Harry & David or magazine subscription. Something you can just do over and over again every year. Then never give it any more emotional space in your mind!

[Anonymous]

Magazine subscription is a good one. If she doesn't like it she can change titles through the company or recycle it every month.

[Anonymous]

OP here. LOVE the Heifer International idea

Thanks for the responses. I know I am sounding like the difficult one here, but really, this is the trickiest thing I have to do all year, every year.

The sisters blew us off on the MIL's birthday, when we emailed and texted them to join then and go out as a family. They went out with out DH. I think DH is still smarting from that, even though he should have fully expected it.

It's kind of hard to explain, when someone is rude to you for no reason. I never see them. They are insular, I guess is the best way to put it.

In fact, I encourage DH to see them, but he is not really interested. MIL doesn't really eat much (eating disorder), doesn't shop, doesn't take much pleasure in many things. I have known her for 20 years and she is less and less social. I would say coupons for therapy, but I don't think that would go over too well.

Now I sound like the nasty one. Some really good ideas here, thank you. I am open to more...

[Anonymous]

The one gift that seems to appeal to both my mother and MIL is an annual book of photos of the kids.

I got to Shutterfly and make an annual album of pictures of the grandkids spanning the year. I make one for each side. The last two years, I made a compilation book for us that includes all of the photos including the ones unique to one family or the other. Last year, our book was 28 pages and their books were each 20 pages.

It takes a bit of time to make the books, selecting backgrounds, fonts, writing the texts, etc and usually takes me about a week working on the project for several nights. But it's something that the grandmothers do enjoy. They love them because they can take the books to their friends and show off the grandkids to the various circles of friends (MIL takes it to her knitting club, to her board meetings. My mother takes them to her card club and her group dinners that she goes to with a set of friends, etc). Even though we started downloading some photos to their iPad/iPhone, they still prefer the printed books.

[Anonymous]

And you care about this crazy bitch because?

And you think you can buy this crazy bitch's approval?

[Anonymous]

Stop trying so hard to get her something she'll like. She won't like it anyhow, even if you KNOW it's something she *should* like. Just get her something that checks the box and save your emotional energy (and money!) for someone who is not so nasty.

Some of my go-to gifts for people who hate everything: an orchid, booze, restaurant gift certificate, pictures/albums of the kids, white house Xmas tree ornament.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't buy her clothes. I think it's weird to buy adults clothing as presents.

I would do a gift certificate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one gift that seems to appeal to both my mother and MIL is an annual book of photos of the kids.

I got to Shutterfly and make an annual album of pictures of the grandkids spanning the year. I make one for each side. The last two years, I made a compilation book for us that includes all of the photos including the ones unique to one family or the other. Last year, our book was 28 pages and their books were each 20 pages.

It takes a bit of time to make the books, selecting backgrounds, fonts, writing the texts, etc and usually takes me about a week working on the project for several nights. But it's something that the grandmothers do enjoy. They love them because they can take the books to their friends and show off the grandkids to the various circles of friends (MIL takes it to her knitting club, to her board meetings. My mother takes them to her card club and her group dinners that she goes to with a set of friends, etc). Even though we started downloading some photos to their iPad/iPhone, they still prefer the printed books.

I love this! She is not very involved with our children, and only "recognizes" her daughters' children (even though they pretty much just used her for free babysitting). She has never been the warm, fuzzy type, which is a big part of why we have so little in common. I hate being negative, and appreciate any support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't buy her clothes. I think it's weird to buy adults clothing as presents.

I would do a gift certificate.

I know. But she has worn the same thing for decades, literally. It's kind of gross.

What kind of GCs?

[Anonymous]

My go to gift for Grands is a photo book with a year worth of kids picks. Normally you get get insane deals on those around Xmas time (50% off, 2for 1, etc.) and I get one for us and 2 for both sets. Everyone is happy

[Anonymous]

Honestly, she doesn't like you, she doesn't want a relationship with you and anything you do is not going to be appreciated. Do you imagine there is some gift you could give that would make a lightbulb go off for her and suddenly she appreciates you? No. Not happening.

And if I'm really honest I'm your MIL and my MIL is you. I dislike who she is so much (long story) that whatever token gift she sometimes thinks to give me is an irritant and I get rid of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, she doesn't like you, she doesn't want a relationship with you and anything you do is not going to be appreciated. Do you imagine there is some gift you could give that would make a lightbulb go off for her and suddenly she appreciates you? No. Not happening.

I'm sorry OP, but I think this is the case. PPs are right, give a neutral gift and move on. It is clearly hurtful to your DH, but no one gift is going to fix this dysfunction. Don't spend tons of money since it sounds like the dollar amount is irrelevant.

School photo of the kids and something generic -- fruit basket, charitable contribution in her name, magazine subscription are all great ideas. Maybe something slightly personal like new, monogrammed guest towels for the powder room or something else like that. Think hostess gift!

[Anonymous]

You are going about this all wrong.

This should take up hardly any space in your mind, and for crying out loud, stop asking DH to spend more time with people who treat him so poorly.

Let them go, to the greatest extent possible. Fill your life with joy and people who treat you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. LOVE the Heifer International idea

Thanks for the responses. I know I am sounding like the difficult one here, but really, this is the trickiest thing I have to do all year, every year.

The sisters blew us off on the MIL's birthday, when we emailed and texted them to join then and go out as a family. They went out with out DH. I think DH is still smarting from that, even though he should have fully expected it.

It's kind of hard to explain, when someone is rude to you for no reason. I never see them. They are insular, I guess is the best way to put it.

In fact, I encourage DH to see them, but he is not really interested. MIL doesn't really eat much (eating disorder), doesn't shop, doesn't take much pleasure in many things. I have known her for 20 years and she is less and less social. I would say coupons for therapy, but I don't think that would go over too well.

Now I sound like the nasty one. Some really good ideas here, thank you. I am open to more...

Your MIL sounds like my MIL, right down to the eating disorder. Mine makes a point of NEVER using or displaying anything I have ever chosen for her, not even very high end items. So I stopped a few years ago. DH makes a photo calendar every year to give.

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to please her.