Christmas present for hard to please MIL

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a no-win situation for you guys and she sounds like she keeps you on the ropes on purpose for whatever weird passive-aggressive reasons. Stop trying and give her wine or a gift certificate to a spa or Nordstrom and call it a day. She knows she has you chasing her approval and enjoys it, so stop giving her the satisfaction! Some people are just this way - they love playing hard to get and hard to please.

So no more games, and no more killing yourself trying to please the unpleasable. Life's too short and there are forces at work here that go way beyond a gift and way beyond your power to resolve. You sound sweet and like you've tried your best, so you can feel good about moving on now. C'est la vie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I forgot to add - if it was up to DH, NO ONE (including me) would get ANYTHING, seriously. He is much like his dad in that way.

You sound like a martyr. I'd take care of my kids and my side of the family. It's DH's responsibilty to take care of his side.

[Anonymous]

OP - Have you considered making a donation to a local charity in her area that just about nobody could say a negative word against and anybody might need some day such as the local Rescue Squad, the local Meals on Wheels, or the SPCA. I am amazed at how many folks will request in obits that donations be made to the local. Do it ahead of time and make sure that either you get a card for the gift in her honor which you could wrap in a small box - to be sure it is acknowledged.

Posters are correct in that you can't change the dynamics of a family. My husband is the youngest of five with his brother deceased and three surviving sisters. The two single sisters (one a widow) are now both retired, in their early 70s, live in the same development, hang out almost every day and share a usually negative or at best tepid view of me. They are set in their ways and will not change. In our case, I believe it is that no one would have been a good enough partner for "their baby brother." And even though we have always visited their family about 3 times a year and only got to see my family once a year in the summer, I believe there has always been a resentment that a vacation time was spent with my folks/siblings in the area. You can only do so much. I encourage DH to go and see "the aunties" on his own, and he was there for a week last summer when one had a hip replacement with my blessings.

***Actually, I have another idea for a holiday gift which could not be disregarded - some sort of lighted greenery table center piece or small decorative tree for a room in their own. This is what I started to order and send at the start of each season, and both do seem to enjoy that. I use Jackson and Perkins. But my basic point is that we have never lived close to them, and it evident that they are not going to change their ways or views, so I do not let it get to me. We do visit and it is always courteous on the surface, but no real bonds but my focus is on our family to which an offer to visit for a holiday could be extended, but I know it will either be too far to drive or too many people. Their loss because with young grandchildren, we are not going to go spend a major holiday with just the two of them.