Please help me not lose my patience or mind

[Anonymous]

Dementia. Normal 90 yr old stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop being a control freak for the 2 weeks she is with you. This is temporary. It really doesn't matter if your child gets toast with less butter on it. This isn't personal. She isn't on some vendetta to ruin your life, she is an annoying 90 yr old.

OP isn't the one who's being a control freak...

She is. Grandma is just being a 90 year old. Not much of a filter, opinion about everything, in my day..... Op is the one upset because her kids didn't get x amount of butter on their toast. Who really cares. Getting mad at a 90 yr old for doing little things that are not harmful and just really annoying is a sign of a control freak. Her kids are actually going to be okay if great grandma scrapes some butter off their toast.

OP here. I'm really not being a control freak but I can see how it seems it from my post. I couldn't care less though that she wiped the butter off the toast. It's the fact that she criticized we put too much butter on it which was preceded by 35 other criticisms. I wonder how other posters would feel being constantly told all day long they are doing everything wrong. In a period of 5 mins I hear DC doesn't eat enough, he's too skinny (he's thin but tall and dr has zero concerns) so we should give him a milkshake every day but the bacon DH makes once a week on Sunday is SO bad for the children. X is tired, tell him to stop running around, you're his mother tell him to do something else (he's 3 he runs around a lot) but if he cries for ANYTHING I should just give it to him. While DH and I were cleaning up from dinner the other night she took 2 year old's plate and sat him in front of the tv to feed him because she decided he hadn't had enough to eat. Their bed time is 8:30 and at 8:25 when DH was still reading to DC in his room as part of his bedtime routine she said "why isn't he asleep yet, what is DH doing, it's late!" She criticizes practically every word out of DHs mouth and sits through dinner making disgruntled faces every time he says anything. So I'm sorry if I seem like a control freak. I don't really care what she DOES, it's what she SAYS that's getting hard to take. Yes, I know I'm so lucky to have my grandmother and that my children can have a relationship with her but that's why I came here looking for advice. It's pretty hard to just suck it up and deal when I'm being told all day long DH and I can't do anything right.

[Anonymous]

Old people like their routines, and she is out of her normal location and routine--plus the lack of filter. Anxiety can come out this way.

I wonder if you flipped it around: "Grandma, everything is fine and under control with us and the kids. Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable?"

[Anonymous]

^^and P.S. I would be going nuts too, but at the end of the day she needs a babysitter while her daughter goes away, and I am sure that doesn't feel good.

[Anonymous]

This is why wine was invented.

Seriously, my mom has these tendencies. Its a combo of anxiety and needing some way to feel engaged--hard for her to see us doing things differently and for her not to have a role. If I give her more of a role with the kids, and ask her for her opinion more, she seems to criticize a little less.

but yeah, deep breaths and try to laugh about it behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

I agree^^^ get a little drunk. I'm serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stop being a control freak for the 2 weeks she is with you. This is temporary. It really doesn't matter if your child gets toast with less butter on it. This isn't personal. She isn't on some vendetta to ruin your life, she is an annoying 90 yr old.

+1 OP, just let it all go for another week. She's not ruining your child forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop being a control freak for the 2 weeks she is with you. This is temporary. It really doesn't matter if your child gets toast with less butter on it. This isn't personal. She isn't on some vendetta to ruin your life, she is an annoying 90 yr old.

OP isn't the one who's being a control freak...

She is. Grandma is just being a 90 year old. Not much of a filter, opinion about everything, in my day..... Op is the one upset because her kids didn't get x amount of butter on their toast. Who really cares. Getting mad at a 90 yr old for doing little things that are not harmful and just really annoying is a sign of a control freak. Her kids are actually going to be okay if great grandma scrapes some butter off their toast.

OP here. I'm really not being a control freak but I can see how it seems it from my post. I couldn't care less though that she wiped the butter off the toast. It's the fact that she criticized we put too much butter on it which was preceded by 35 other criticisms. I wonder how other posters would feel being constantly told all day long they are doing everything wrong. In a period of 5 mins I hear DC doesn't eat enough, he's too skinny (he's thin but tall and dr has zero concerns) so we should give him a milkshake every day but the bacon DH makes once a week on Sunday is SO bad for the children. X is tired, tell him to stop running around, you're his mother tell him to do something else (he's 3 he runs around a lot) but if he cries for ANYTHING I should just give it to him. While DH and I were cleaning up from dinner the other night she took 2 year old's plate and sat him in front of the tv to feed him because she decided he hadn't had enough to eat. Their bed time is 8:30 and at 8:25 when DH was still reading to DC in his room as part of his bedtime routine she said "why isn't he asleep yet, what is DH doing, it's late!" She criticizes practically every word out of DHs mouth and sits through dinner making disgruntled faces every time he says anything. So I'm sorry if I seem like a control freak. I don't really care what she DOES, it's what she SAYS that's getting hard to take. Yes, I know I'm so lucky to have my grandmother and that my children can have a relationship with her but that's why I came here looking for advice. It's pretty hard to just suck it up and deal when I'm being told all day long DH and I can't do anything right.

This is how and why the phrase "turn a deaf ear" was developed. You are taking this way too personally for a very temporary situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people like their routines, and she is out of her normal location and routine--plus the lack of filter. Anxiety can come out this way.

I wonder if you flipped it around: "Grandma, everything is fine and under control with us and the kids. Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable?"

It's this. Have a drink. Given her age just take comfort in the fact that while she might be saying all these things it's not your mom or MIL who is and who would try to actually change the situation somehow. It's just talk. Do your best to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Nod and smile. Many of our grandparents are the same way. My grandmother also does a running commentary. Don't engage. Agree but don't act. Change the topic. Ask her to tell you about her childhood or something - get her talking about herself. That way you will have a few moments peace where she isn't criticizing you.

[Anonymous]

Funny the posters who say to have a drink. I was going to say, having grown up with an alcoholic, doesn't everybody just pretend this kind of behavior isn't a problem? Seriously, your grandmother is an old, old woman. She is a character. A) why are you taking her comments so seriously? and B) it sounds as if you'd prefer she just sit there silently like a good little alzheimer's lady. (Hope I am as alert as she is at that age, and you too.)

[Anonymous]

Turn a deaf ear or just tell her to back off (don't be mean though).

Also, show your parents some extra love and support - they had to deal with granny day in and out….

[Anonymous]

I get where you are coming from, OP. when older relatives are like this it makes spending time with them unpleasant. My mother is this way and her last 3 day visit, I feigned headaches and slept 12 hours a day so I could avoid interacting with her. On the last day, she was on her best behavior in years, but couldn't avoid a parting shot that my shoe had a scuff mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Turn a deaf ear or just tell her to back off (don't be mean though).

Also, show your parents some extra love and support - they had to deal with granny day in and out….

God bless your parents!

[Anonymous]

What's my grandma doing at your house?!
I just don't listen to mine - she is talking but it's like TV background noise in my mind; I just don't process the sound. Try it!