Inviting HS Sweetheart to Visit

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to meet with an old friend even an old girlfriend. Your ex's wanting to meet sounds innocent. Perhaps the state of your marriage is making you read more into the request to meet than there is. It sounds like you would want there to be the possibility of something with someone. Remember you still are married, even if it's a sexless marriage.

Not fine to meet with exGF if you feel the need to hide the fact.

I don't think the OP needs to hide it meeting with her. I also don't think his ex wants sex; the OP wants sex and is projecting these desires on just what is probably a simple get together.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you do this, please send your wife here for support, a good divorce attorney and let us help her take the kids, house, cars, and all the cash/investments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, this seems complicated. I think just a short innocent visit with and old flame is no big deal, but this seems like more than that. You said you have "sentiments" about her and the fact that she is willing to meet you on the side of the road makes this seem sneaky and a precursor to an affair. The real problem is your terrible marriage. You should go to marriage counseling and fix it or divorce before you bust up your marriage and family with infidelity. Take the high road and end your marriage with dignity if that is where you are headed. I don't think you can blame this rekindling on your wife if you have been living seemingly content with the way things are going now, sexless and all.

+1

I agree with the above sentiment.

We have a great marriage, so I would be upset if DH had plans to meet an old gf without my knowledge. If he wanted her to visit our home, I'd be fine with it because 1. He was honest about it
2. Obviously nothing is going to happen between them if I'm right there.

But I know my DH. He doesn't want anything to do with his exes. He did mention he looked up his last ex to see what she was doing (lives a few towns over) and mentioned it in passing. I wasn't the least bit jealous, but then again, THEY were in a sexless relationship and they ended it a few years before we began dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to meet with an old friend even an old girlfriend. Your ex's wanting to meet sounds innocent. Perhaps the state of your marriage is making you read more into the request to meet than there is. It sounds like you would want there to be the possibility of something with someone. Remember you still are married, even if it's a sexless marriage.

Not fine to meet with exGF if you feel the need to hide the fact.

And lie about the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this once. Wound up having sex in his truck and telling DH we were getting divorced the next day. I'm now dating high school flame all over again and it is great. We needed the years apart to get to who we are today.

OMG. How did your husband take this news?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this once. Wound up having sex in his truck and telling DH we were getting divorced the next day. I'm now dating high school flame all over again and it is great. We needed the years apart to get to who we are today.

OMG. How did your husband take this news?

Pretty well. There'd been a little rain cloud following us for the 6 months leading up to it, but we were just kind of ignoring it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to meet with an old friend even an old girlfriend. Your ex's wanting to meet sounds innocent. Perhaps the state of your marriage is making you read more into the request to meet than there is. It sounds like you would want there to be the possibility of something with someone. Remember you still are married, even if it's a sexless marriage.

Not fine to meet with exGF if you feel the need to hide the fact.

OP here. Not thinking of hiding it. Thinking of inviting exGF to my home vs. meeting in a restaurant/coffee shop. So I would tell DW; question is how is she likely to react...although just realized while typing this - there's two issues. One is should I tell DW and two is does exGF want to meet me or the family ? Not being purposely obtuse - sure I will get flamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you do this, please send your wife here for support, a good divorce attorney and let us help her take the kids, house, cars, and all the cash/investments.

OP here. Not really helpful. Although I respect the opinion that if you are thinking of stepping out on marriage you should divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to meet with an old friend even an old girlfriend. Your ex's wanting to meet sounds innocent. Perhaps the state of your marriage is making you read more into the request to meet than there is. It sounds like you would want there to be the possibility of something with someone. Remember you still are married, even if it's a sexless marriage.

Not fine to meet with exGF if you feel the need to hide the fact.

I don't think the OP needs to hide it meeting with her. I also don't think his ex wants sex; the OP wants sex and is projecting these desires on just what is probably a simple get together.

OP here. Perhaps some truth to this but I am not thinking about sex. Ironically as I haven't been in a sexual relationship in awhile, sex has become less important. What is probably more of the truth is that I am quilty of looking for emotional support and intimacy. Not sure it is a simple get together - was surprised she suggested it and in the past when we have skirted the idea of meeting when she is back on this coast she has come out and said its probably not a good idea because of our spouses. Yes, I am playing with fire. But I really do not want to be slinking around. I want to be open about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she call up her HS sweetheart to come by too? Maybe he'll ignite some fires in her.

He passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this once. Wound up having sex in his truck and telling DH we were getting divorced the next day. I'm now dating high school flame all over again and it is great. We needed the years apart to get to who we are today.

OMG. How did your husband take this news?

Pretty well. There'd been a little rain cloud following us for the 6 months leading up to it, but we were just kind of ignoring it.

6 months!?! Way to hang in there and give it all you've got.

[Anonymous]

If you are looking for some type of pat on the back for being honest, I am sorry I cannot give you that. Yet.

I get the feeling that a part of you is using this golden opportunity as a tool to show your wife that you do have other options in your life + that there are other people who do want you in spite of the fact that your wife may not.

I can understand why you are acting the way you are. I would too.

Theoretically however, I do not think this is the ideal way to handle your marriage issue.
Instead of playing games or using jealousy strategies, I would instead address the issue directly and seek professional help to solve your marital problems.

Inviting a third party into this mess will only make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

He's not dictating no sex in his marriage, so is this a relevant question? And yes, his marriage does factor into this because I doubt he would be so willing to see this woman if his marriage had any intimacy at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this once. Wound up having sex in his truck and telling DH we were getting divorced the next day. I'm now dating high school flame all over again and it is great. We needed the years apart to get to who we are today.

OMG. How did your husband take this news?

Pretty well. There'd been a little rain cloud following us for the 6 months leading up to it, but we were just kind of ignoring it.

6 months!?! Way to hang in there and give it all you've got.

Sometimes you know. Better than dragging it out, adding a kid thinking it'll be better then, etc. We are both much happier apart than we were together. I don't regret a thing.