Inviting HS Sweetheart to Visit

[Anonymous]

So, middle aged DH here. High school sweetheart had moved out west in college. Lost touch for awhile but connected via social media (LinkedIn). She just mentioned that she will be coming home to celebrate Grandmother's birthday. In full disclosure I suspect given the nature of our relationship so many years ago that if you peeled the onion, so to speak, that we both have what I would call sentiments for each other. So, she said she will be driving through my state on her visit from one family member to another and perhaps we could meet "on the side of the road". Suspect she realizes meeting my family might be a little awkward. I am at an age where I believe life is getting short so why not invite her to spend sometime (an afternoon) in my home ? I would have to run this by DW. DW and I are in long term sexless marriage which is of her choosing. I won't say that we both stay together for the kids but we are pretty close to that. I do not feel like I want to be hiding anything nor "sneaking around". So, tempted to mention it to DW and tell her that old friend will be coming by for an afternoon ?

So, to the DWs out there - how threatened would this make you feel ? Given you don't have sex with me, would you take it as a sign that I am looking outside marriage ? I want to be adult about the whole thing and be sensitive to wife's feelings. Her removing the physical and emotional support from our marriage has made me less pliable. And not that I am looking for a fight, but if it was an impetus to force the conversation regarding the long term viability of our marriage that might not be a bad thing.

Thoughts ?

[Anonymous]

Yikes, this seems complicated. I think just a short innocent visit with and old flame is no big deal, but this seems like more than that. You said you have "sentiments" about her and the fact that she is willing to meet you on the side of the road makes this seem sneaky and a precursor to an affair. The real problem is your terrible marriage. You should go to marriage counseling and fix it or divorce before you bust up your marriage and family with infidelity. Take the high road and end your marriage with dignity if that is where you are headed. I don't think you can blame this rekindling on your wife if you have been living seemingly content with the way things are going now, sexless and all.

[Anonymous]

Lies of omission. Old friend, not quite. If you feel the need to withhold information that you know your wife would want to know, then it's not right. Just say no, and work on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to meet with an old friend even an old girlfriend. Your ex's wanting to meet sounds innocent. Perhaps the state of your marriage is making you read more into the request to meet than there is. It sounds like you would want there to be the possibility of something with someone. Remember you still are married, even if it's a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to meet with an old friend even an old girlfriend. Your ex's wanting to meet sounds innocent. Perhaps the state of your marriage is making you read more into the request to meet than there is. It sounds like you would want there to be the possibility of something with someone. Remember you still are married, even if it's a sexless marriage.

Not fine to meet with exGF if you feel the need to hide the fact.

[Anonymous]

Keep your mouth shut and go for it! DW won't know, and you run the house anyhow; assert yourself!

[Anonymous]

Holy camole!

[Anonymous]

Can she call up her HS sweetheart to come by too? Maybe he'll ignite some fires in her.

[Anonymous]

If you want to leave the marriage leave - sex or no sex. Instead of focusing on an ex, focus on making your marriage better and improving your relationship with her. If I found out you were going - even if you told me, I'd be pissed. Either everyone goes, including wife or no one. Otherwise, if I thought you cheated, just know there is a high probability your bags will be packs and waiting for you on the porch with the locks changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your mouth shut and go for it! DW won't know, and you run the house anyhow; assert yourself!

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could have a threesome to rev up your wife's libido.

[Anonymous]

I did this once. Wound up having sex in his truck and telling DH we were getting divorced the next day. I'm now dating high school flame all over again and it is great. We needed the years apart to get to who we are today.

[Anonymous]

I think you're reading more into it than is there because you are lonely. Meet the old friend at a public place - restaurant or coffee shop. Spend an hour catching up and send her on her way. She likely just wants to break up a long and boring drive.

Keep your marriage issues out of this and go see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I'm going away next weekend with my HS sweetheart. We met up again on FB.

[Anonymous]

I'm a dw and I'd be hurt. But I think it's ok to meet up. Full disclosure. Meet for coffee. Leave marital issues alone.