Help me manage my teenager's expectations and the college visit process

[Anonymous]

Everyone, you are right. She has ADHD and should not have to do any schoolwork.

Thank goodness DCUM set me straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone, you are right. She has ADHD and should not have to do any schoolwork.

Thank goodness DCUM set me straight.

Who said she did not have to do school work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is on ADHD medication and diagnosed with that, but when I know she is not doing things like reading the book, I really can't reconcile that with "trying" though her psychiatrist / psychologist seem to want to manage my expectations a little bit more than I think is reasonable.

Ahhhh, this changes it up somewhat.

Definitely work with a good guidance counselor to find out what schools she can reasonably expect to get in to given her current grades (not future promises). They should also know which schools are good at working with students with disabilities. Have your daughter select a few reasonable schools to visit and maybe one "reach" school. Just like anyone else. Decide what you are willing to contribute financially and what your limits are.

I have a friend whose daughter with ADHD just spent 6 years at school (in-state, but they are not rich by any means and it was a huge hit on their budget) and never finished. She had tons of support, financial and otherwise. She is currently 25, living at home, working part-time at Best Buy. Maybe for her, that is the best she can do--I'm not sure. Set up some reasonable expectations in conjunction with the psychiatrist/psychologist--they are the experts after all--and then follow through with them.

That's a stretch. Now ADHD kids should not go to college if they have a few C's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe visiting colleges will motivate her a little? How are her test scores?

I hate the thought that you're already giving up on her.

Where in here does it say OP is giving up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is on ADHD medication and diagnosed with that, but when I know she is not doing things like reading the book, I really can't reconcile that with "trying" though her psychiatrist / psychologist seem to want to manage my expectations a little bit more than I think is reasonable.

Ahhhh, this changes it up somewhat.

Definitely work with a good guidance counselor to find out what schools she can reasonably expect to get in to given her current grades (not future promises). They should also know which schools are good at working with students with disabilities. Have your daughter select a few reasonable schools to visit and maybe one "reach" school. Just like anyone else. Decide what you are willing to contribute financially and what your limits are.

I have a friend whose daughter with ADHD just spent 6 years at school (in-state, but they are not rich by any means and it was a huge hit on their budget) and never finished. She had tons of support, financial and otherwise. She is currently 25, living at home, working part-time at Best Buy. Maybe for her, that is the best she can do--I'm not sure. Set up some reasonable expectations in conjunction with the psychiatrist/psychologist--they are the experts after all--and then follow through with them.

That's a stretch. Now ADHD kids should not go to college if they have a few C's?

Where does it say that? It says to work with professionals to come up with reasonable expectations, then hold her to them.

[Anonymous]

I'm not inclined to make the investment to visit places until we determine - if she is accepted and also what will the true cost be.

[Anonymous]

sorry - didn't finish:
I'm not inclined to make the investment to visit places until we determine - if she is accepted and also what will the true cost be.

OP, this can be a reasonable approach regardless of the student's achievement level.

Consider major very carefully - and requirements: foreign language & math. A major with electives (Communications Major, for example) might be a very good option. In addition, consider having her take a light schedule, especially 1st semester Freshmen year. I would consider sending her wherever she gets in - if she's earned admittance, she should be able to go. But I say that suggesting she only apply to schools which you know you/she could afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand your question.

So, if she was a straight A student, you would pay for out of state but since she is ADHD you won't?

Here is a college that was recommended to us.


http://www.wvwc.edu/index2.php

It's not cheaper than MC though.

NP here. Why do so many of you keep missing the point, that OP's DD isn't doing her schoolwork now? ADHD is besides the point. In college you have to at least try to do the work. That's what OP is concerned about.

[Anonymous]

"DD isn't doing her schoolwork now"

She wouldn't be getting a "C" unless she was doing enough-of-the-work. Not up to OP's standards which I understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"DD isn't doing her schoolwork now"

She wouldn't be getting a "C" unless she was doing enough-of-the-work. Not up to OP's standards which I understand.

That is not necessarily true. The way to diagnose a LD is to test somebody on something they know but to get a low score, you test them on information in 2 different ways and they get high score method 1 and low scores method 2. It just means the OP daughter can not demonstrate her knowledge the way the school asks it.

The OP said that the psychologist thinks the moms expectations are too high. The girl may be putting in as much effort as the next person but getting lower results ... Which is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand your question.

So, if she was a straight A student, you would pay for out of state but since she is ADHD you won't?

Here is a college that was recommended to us.


http://www.wvwc.edu/index2.php

It's not cheaper than MC though.

NP here. Why do so many of you keep missing the point, that OP's DD isn't doing her schoolwork now? ADHD is besides the point. In college you have to at least try to do the work. That's what OP is concerned about.

The OP has unreasonable expectations. This is what OP stated "her psychiatrist / psychologist seem to want to manage my expectations"

[Anonymous]

Op knows her daughter better than the school counselor or even psychologist does - if she says her daughter is not trying, we should trust that. Op, I think your approach is a good one, but here is my caveat. Friends of ours did this to their daughter - no adhd just did not try at all in high school (ie, never turned in homework) despite high intelligence, so her parents said they eould only pay for community college and if she maintained a B or higher average they would pay for her last two years at an in state university - my problem with what they did was that they watched their daughter blowing off school for 3 yrs and then dropped this news on her senior year, when it was too late for her to make any real dofference in her gpa. I felt they should have made their expectstions more clear to their daughter all along.

[Anonymous]

C students graduate from college. Is this mostly a $$ issue? There will be plenty of 4 yr schools available to her.

[Anonymous]

I'd not pay for an out-of-state school for her at all. Tell her she has to go to community college for two years and get the grades to be accepted to a more prestigious school, and THEN I'll pay for that.

[Anonymous]

OP, how is this discussion going? Helpful at all. Is it getting off-track?