Discovering my daughters second life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely talk to her about it. Not only is her reputation at stake (kids may start calling her a "slut" even if she is not having sex with the other boys), but cheating in general is just a bad thing.

You could start out by just talking to her about how her relationship with her BF is going, and maybe talk about how she might not want to get too serious with a BF now. And then ask, "are you seeing other boys..?" That would also determine if she is comfortable enough with you to be honest with you. I think you might want to also find out if she is having sex.

Sorry, I'm gonna be judgemental here, but IMO, a freshman in HS is too young to be having sex, and coupled with the cheating, she sounds like a slut.

Aren't you sweet.

Cheating in a committed adult sexual relationship is one thing. Cheating in a high-school-freshman relationship is...well, who even knows what it is? It may be nothing more than that she is also texting two other boys. And if this leads to people slut-shaming her, then the problem is not her behavior; the problem is slut-shaming.

[Anonymous]

one question. and I am not judging. where is her dad? I grew up without a Dad much in the picture and though I married my high school boyfriend, both my sister and I married very young. my sister has only had 4 relationships. all of them bad. she clearly was looking for something and sounds like your daughter.

we clearly both were looking for male attention.

It may be a little late, but after you talk to her, make sure they are strong male relationships in her life. good ones. help her work through any daddy issues etc.
is her father hard on her? in the picture? it does matter for how you approach this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely talk to her about it. Not only is her reputation at stake (kids may start calling her a "slut" even if she is not having sex with the other boys), but cheating in general is just a bad thing.

You could start out by just talking to her about how her relationship with her BF is going, and maybe talk about how she might not want to get too serious with a BF now. And then ask, "are you seeing other boys..?" That would also determine if she is comfortable enough with you to be honest with you. I think you might want to also find out if she is having sex.

Sorry, I'm gonna be judgemental here, but IMO, a freshman in HS is too young to be having sex, and coupled with the cheating, she sounds like a slut.

Aren't you sweet.

Cheating in a committed adult sexual relationship is one thing. Cheating in a high-school-freshman relationship is...well, who even knows what it is? It may be nothing more than that she is also texting two other boys. And if this leads to people slut-shaming her, then the problem is not her behavior; the problem is slut-shaming.

The problem is both. For a HS freshmen, maybe "cheating" is just "texting". But the problem is she already has the attitude of cheating on her SO. And in HS, if word gets out, that kind of behavior will be labeled a slut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely talk to her about it. Not only is her reputation at stake (kids may start calling her a "slut" even if she is not having sex with the other boys), but cheating in general is just a bad thing.

You could start out by just talking to her about how her relationship with her BF is going, and maybe talk about how she might not want to get too serious with a BF now. And then ask, "are you seeing other boys..?" That would also determine if she is comfortable enough with you to be honest with you. I think you might want to also find out if she is having sex.

Sorry, I'm gonna be judgemental here, but IMO, a freshman in HS is too young to be having sex, and coupled with the cheating, she sounds like a slut.

Aren't you sweet.

Cheating in a committed adult sexual relationship is one thing. Cheating in a high-school-freshman relationship is...well, who even knows what it is? It may be nothing more than that she is also texting two other boys. And if this leads to people slut-shaming her, then the problem is not her behavior; the problem is slut-shaming.

The problem is both. For a HS freshmen, maybe "cheating" is just "texting". But the problem is she already has the attitude of cheating on her SO. And in HS, if word gets out, that kind of behavior will be labeled a slut.

The problem is calling it "cheating" when a high-school freshman texts or talks to several boys. And the problem is regarding the relationships of 14-year-olds as comparable to the relationships of adults -- a "significant other" for a high school freshman, really?

What's more, I will not label her a slut, and when my daughters get to high school, if they call girls sluts, they will hear about it from me. Slut-shaming is not inevitable, like sunrise or sunset. We can stop it, and we should stop it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you need to jump in and do some parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to jump in and do some parenting.

Meaning what, specifically? (Not the OP.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely talk to her about it. Not only is her reputation at stake (kids may start calling her a "slut" even if she is not having sex with the other boys), but cheating in general is just a bad thing.

You could start out by just talking to her about how her relationship with her BF is going, and maybe talk about how she might not want to get too serious with a BF now. And then ask, "are you seeing other boys..?" That would also determine if she is comfortable enough with you to be honest with you. I think you might want to also find out if she is having sex.

Sorry, I'm gonna be judgemental here, but IMO, a freshman in HS is too young to be having sex, and coupled with the cheating, she sounds like a slut.

Aren't you sweet.

Cheating in a committed adult sexual relationship is one thing. Cheating in a high-school-freshman relationship is...well, who even knows what it is? It may be nothing more than that she is also texting two other boys. And if this leads to people slut-shaming her, then the problem is not her behavior; the problem is slut-shaming.

The problem is both. For a HS freshmen, maybe "cheating" is just "texting". But the problem is she already has the attitude of cheating on her SO. And in HS, if word gets out, that kind of behavior will be labeled a slut.

The problem is calling it "cheating" when a high-school freshman texts or talks to several boys. And the problem is regarding the relationships of 14-year-olds as comparable to the relationships of adults -- a "significant other" for a high school freshman, really?

What's more, I will not label her a slut, and when my daughters get to high school, if they call girls sluts, they will hear about it from me. Slut-shaming is not inevitable, like sunrise or sunset. We can stop it, and we should stop it.

The daughter and her friend labeled it "cheating", so whatever that means to adults, she is behaving in a manner that in their world they define as cheating. It's not the actual conduct necessarily, but the attitude she already has as a 14/15 yr old..that "cheating" is ok.

I'm not a fan of the word "slut" either, but the reality is that her behavior at such an early age will get labeled as such. We can teach our kids to not label women, but let's be realistic, eventually, even as adults, we use that term to label certain types of women. Not saying OP's daughter is a serial cheater or that "talking/texting" to other boys is cheating, but in her words, in her world, her behavior may be typed as such. It's her attitude about "cheating" at such an early age that is scary to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely talk to her about it. Not only is her reputation at stake (kids may start calling her a "slut" even if she is not having sex with the other boys), but cheating in general is just a bad thing.

You could start out by just talking to her about how her relationship with her BF is going, and maybe talk about how she might not want to get too serious with a BF now. And then ask, "are you seeing other boys..?" That would also determine if she is comfortable enough with you to be honest with you. I think you might want to also find out if she is having sex.

Sorry, I'm gonna be judgemental here, but IMO, a freshman in HS is too young to be having sex, and coupled with the cheating, she sounds like a slut.

Aren't you sweet.

Cheating in a committed adult sexual relationship is one thing. Cheating in a high-school-freshman relationship is...well, who even knows what it is? It may be nothing more than that she is also texting two other boys. And if this leads to people slut-shaming her, then the problem is not her behavior; the problem is slut-shaming.

The problem is both. For a HS freshmen, maybe "cheating" is just "texting". But the problem is she already has the attitude of cheating on her SO. And in HS, if word gets out, that kind of behavior will be labeled a slut.

The problem is calling it "cheating" when a high-school freshman texts or talks to several boys. And the problem is regarding the relationships of 14-year-olds as comparable to the relationships of adults -- a "significant other" for a high school freshman, really?

What's more, I will not label her a slut, and when my daughters get to high school, if they call girls sluts, they will hear about it from me. Slut-shaming is not inevitable, like sunrise or sunset. We can stop it, and we should stop it.

The daughter and her friend labeled it "cheating", so whatever that means to adults, she is behaving in a manner that in their world they define as cheating. It's not the actual conduct necessarily, but the attitude she already has as a 14/15 yr old..that "cheating" is ok.

I'm not a fan of the word "slut" either, but the reality is that her behavior at such an early age will get labeled as such. We can teach our kids to not label women, but let's be realistic, eventually, even as adults, we use that term to label certain types of women. Not saying OP's daughter is a serial cheater or that "talking/texting" to other boys is cheating, but in her words, in her world, her behavior may be typed as such. It's her attitude about "cheating" at such an early age that is scary to me.

+1. The "boys r dumn" stuff isn't going to serve her well in life at any stage, although she might get away with it if she's hot enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The daughter and her friend labeled it "cheating", so whatever that means to adults, she is behaving in a manner that in their world they define as cheating. It's not the actual conduct necessarily, but the attitude she already has as a 14/15 yr old..that "cheating" is ok.

I'm not a fan of the word "slut" either, but the reality is that her behavior at such an early age will get labeled as such. We can teach our kids to not label women, but let's be realistic, eventually, even as adults, we use that term to label certain types of women. Not saying OP's daughter is a serial cheater or that "talking/texting" to other boys is cheating, but in her words, in her world, her behavior may be typed as such. It's her attitude about "cheating" at such an early age that is scary to me.

No, we don't. You may or may not. I don't.

I agree that the attitude about being dishonest to people she supposedly cares about is not good. But it may not even be her true attitude -- she may think that's what the cool kids do, or she heard "all's fair in love and war" somewhere, or who knows what.

[Anonymous]

When I saw the title, I thought it must be like some high school porn star or something. Simmer down, people. Some of you seem to have a very unrealistic view of being a high school kid in today's world. Clearly, your kids are younger or you have blinders on. We are not aware of or are not meant to know every single thing our kids do. That's called growing up. If this girl treats boys poorly, then hopefully she will self correct along the way. It sounds like this is a normal girl who will turn out just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:one question. and I am not judging. where is her dad? I grew up without a Dad much in the picture and though I married my high school boyfriend, both my sister and I married very young. my sister has only had 4 relationships. all of them bad. she clearly was looking for something and sounds like your daughter.

we clearly both were looking for male attention.

It may be a little late, but after you talk to her, make sure they are strong male relationships in her life. good ones. help her work through any daddy issues etc.
is her father hard on her? in the picture? it does matter for how you approach this.

+1 I know where you are coming from. Girls without good fathers are always at risk.

[Anonymous]

The problem is calling it "cheating" when a high-school freshman texts or talks to several boys. And the problem is regarding the relationships of 14-year-olds as comparable to the relationships of adults -- a "significant other" for a high school freshman, really?

What's more, I will not label her a slut, and when my daughters get to high school, if they call girls sluts, they will hear about it from me. Slut-shaming is not inevitable, like sunrise or sunset. We can stop it, and we should stop it.

Amen AMEN AMEN!!!! Standing and clapping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your daughter even have a boyfriend? She's a freshman in high school.

Seriously?

Tell me, how's life in the bubble?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doe
s your daughter even have a boyfriend? She's a freshman in high school.

Seriously?

Tell me, how's life in the bubble?

Well, yes, seriously. Freshman children do not get to have "boyfriends." Too young, end of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Insist that your teens absolutely not have boyfriends. Forbid it. Then please let me know how that works out. Actually, don't tell me. Because you will not know.