Discovering my daughters second life

[Anonymous]

You heard a snippet of conversation. Even 14 year olds speak snarkily and ironically. Especially 14 year olds.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that it's highly likely you're DD may very well be having sex with all three boys. When my DD was in middle school (8th grade), I was appalled to hear that girls in her year were participating in oral sex in public restrooms, on school property, etc. and some had at least one abortion. This was at a "Big 3," these girls had actively-involved Dads in their lives.

Maybe look into family counseling, at least for additional support. Eavesdropping, no, your maternal instincts were alerting you to danger. Good luck, I hope it all works out.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd take the opportunity to tell her what you overheard - you were not eavesdropping, she was talking in the room right next to where you were.

Talk to her about integrity, about treating others with kindness and respect. She is young and there is no need for her to have a steady boyfriend or to commit to one boy. It is o.k. to play the field. What is not o.k. is the way she is being dishonest with her boyfriend - giving him the impression that they are exclusive while seeing other boys behind his back. That sort of behavior is not only hurtful to her boyfriend, it also reflects very poorly on your daughter in so many different ways.

[Anonymous]

^When I say it is o.k. to "play the field", I'm talking about dating/hanging out with boys - not having sex with multiple guys at 14. Just wanted to clarify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think that it's highly likely you're DD may very well be having sex with all three boys. When my DD was in middle school (8th grade), I was appalled to hear that girls in her year were participating in oral sex in public restrooms, on school property, etc. and some had at least one abortion. This was at a "Big 3," these girls had actively-involved Dads in their lives.

Maybe look into family counseling, at least for additional support. Eavesdropping, no, your maternal instincts were alerting you to danger. Good luck, I hope it all works out.

And from whom did you get this information? From the girls themselves, or their parents? Or from gossip?

There were always rumors at my high school about girls who had had abortions. I expect that there was as much truth to those rumors as to any other high school (or non-high school) rumor. Namely: very little.

[Anonymous]

Teenage boys can be fragile. Look at suicide statistics for boys this age. Frequently - a break-up triggers it.

The complete and total lack of empathy is what concerns me. Slut or no slut--you don't fuck with people emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teenage boys can be fragile. Look at suicide statistics for boys this age. Frequently - a break-up triggers it.

The complete and total lack of empathy is what concerns me. Slut or no slut--you don't fuck with people emotionally.

+100

I would nip that shit in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doe
s your daughter even have a boyfriend? She's a freshman in high school.

Seriously?

Tell me, how's life in the bubble?

Well, yes, seriously. Freshman children do not get to have "boyfriends." Too young, end of conversation.

You might want to read the other thread about 4th and 5th graders having sex if you think a freshman in high school is too young to have a boyfriend. I wonder what your kids are doing (or will do) behind your back? You need a reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think that it's highly likely you're DD may very well be having sex with all three boys. When my DD was in middle school (8th grade), I was appalled to hear that girls in her year were participating in oral sex in public restrooms, on school property, etc. and some had at least one abortion. This was at a "Big 3," these girls had actively-involved Dads in their lives.

Maybe look into family counseling, at least for additional support. Eavesdropping, no, your maternal instincts were alerting you to danger. Good luck, I hope it all works out.

And from whom did you get this information? From the girls themselves, or their parents? Or from gossip?

There were always rumors at my high school about girls who had had abortions. I expect that there was as much truth to those rumors as to any other high school (or non-high school) rumor. Namely: very little.

Unfortunately, not rumors. Some of the information came directly from my DD, also the head of the school contacted me and several parents when seeking to get help for a particular girl that my daughter was close friends with and actually apologized to us that they were exposed to this crap so early. I also learned that this particular young lady was sending explicit photos of herself to older men online and got caught. Prior to this she was leaving school during lunchtime and going to boys homes who lived nearby and having sex with them. The abortion: A different girl's mom shared that she found post procedure instructions in her daughter's bedroom. FYI: The restroom in B&N Bethesda is where incidents of oral sex was occurring. The girls involved bragged about it.

This is 2014. Wake up, you old-assed dinosaur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Unfortunately, not rumors. Some of the information came directly from my DD, also the head of the school contacted me and several parents when seeking to get help for a particular girl that my daughter was close friends with and actually apologized to us that they were exposed to this crap so early. I also learned that this particular young lady was sending explicit photos of herself to older men online and got caught. Prior to this she was leaving school during lunchtime and going to boys homes who lived nearby and having sex with them. The abortion: A different girl's mom shared that she found post procedure instructions in her daughter's bedroom. FYI: The restroom in B&N Bethesda is where incidents of oral sex was occurring. The girls involved bragged about it.

This is 2014. Wake up, you old-assed dinosaur.

The head of school told you and several other parents all about the doings of a girl who is not your daughter? Wow.

And what a mother the other girl has.

(I'm not commenting on the implication that if you heard the gossip from your DD, it must be true.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doe
s your daughter even have a boyfriend? She's a freshman in high school.

Seriously?

Tell me, how's life in the bubble?

Well, yes, seriously. Freshman children do not get to have "boyfriends." Too young, end of conversation.

So, you didn't have a boyfriend in jr. high at all? Seriously? Dances. Parties at friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd take the opportunity to tell her what you overheard - you were not eavesdropping, she was talking in the room right next to where you were.

Talk to her about integrity, about treating others with kindness and respect. She is young and there is no need for her to have a steady boyfriend or to commit to one boy. It is o.k. to play the field. What is not o.k. is the way she is being dishonest with her boyfriend - giving him the impression that they are exclusive while seeing other boys behind his back. That sort of behavior is not only hurtful to her boyfriend, it also reflects very poorly on your daughter in so many different ways.

+1. In high school I considered kissing another guy to be cheating, and I did it, and they never found out. I am incredibly faithful wife. I had boyfriends because that's what we did in my small town, but wasn't sleeping with any of them, and knew that I wasn't ever going to marry any of them. She's just learning about relationships, and if she's "cheating," she's probably just learning how to deal with receiving attention, and there will be some bumps on that road. I disagree that it reflects very poorly on her, and disagree that this is a sign of an absent father. OP should talk about relationships generally, how jealousy feels, how she would feel if she thought her boyfriend were kissing/flirting/whatever with another girl. OP should just talk about it and not assume that her daughter is lacking empathy or that her behavior is in any way indicative of what her later relationships will be like.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't listen to these parents of preschoolers telling you that young teens don't have boyfriends and don't have sex. I have high schoolers and a middle schooler and I can tell you that both boyfriends and sex (oral and intercourse) are surprisingly common around age 14, and even more common among the popular crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd take the opportunity to tell her what you overheard - you were not eavesdropping, she was talking in the room right next to where you were.

Talk to her about integrity, about treating others with kindness and respect. She is young and there is no need for her to have a steady boyfriend or to commit to one boy. It is o.k. to play the field. What is not o.k. is the way she is being dishonest with her boyfriend - giving him the impression that they are exclusive while seeing other boys behind his back. That sort of behavior is not only hurtful to her boyfriend, it also reflects very poorly on your daughter in so many different ways.

+1. In high school I considered kissing another guy to be cheating, and I did it, and they never found out. I am incredibly faithful wife. I had boyfriends because that's what we did in my small town, but wasn't sleeping with any of them, and knew that I wasn't ever going to marry any of them. She's just learning about relationships, and if she's "cheating," she's probably just learning how to deal with receiving attention, and there will be some bumps on that road. I disagree that it reflects very poorly on her, and disagree that this is a sign of an absent father. OP should talk about relationships generally, how jealousy feels, how she would feel if she thought her boyfriend were kissing/flirting/whatever with another girl. OP should just talk about it and not assume that her daughter is lacking empathy or that her behavior is in any way indicative of what her later relationships will be like.

"Cheating" on her boyfriend reflects poorly on her own integrity. I'm not saying that it is not a rather common mistake that teenagers make, but it is a mistake. And when you are dishonest with another person - unfaithful - that does reflect negatively on your character. People wonder if you can be trusted, if you are hard hearted, unkind, etc.