A question from an attractive single mother

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's how you dress and the fact that you're single is just coincidence.

[Anonymous]

If you're feeling it, I'm sure the hostility is there.

I assume you are sending the message that you are available, by the way you dress, the way you say hi, the way you smile, anything.
Because even though you would not flirt with married men, you also don't want to miss an eligible man, right?

I think you should try to bring another mother with you to the playground, to appear less threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's how you dress and the fact that you're single is just coincidence.

Am I supposed to dress in baggy clothes and hide my body? It's actually annoying that moms let themselves go and do not dress nicely. I wear nice clothes but nothing provocative. Always have pedi/mani. Some women do not even comb hair and show up like that. How hard can it be to comb hair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're feeling it, I'm sure the hostility is there.

I assume you are sending the message that you are available, by the way you dress, the way you say hi, the way you smile, anything.
Because even though you would not flirt with married men, you also don't want to miss an eligible man, right?

I think you should try to bring another mother with you to the playground, to appear less threatening.

Not looking for a man right now not ready. I just like to look nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am in good shape. This neighborhood is great for me and my child. It's family friendly and quiet and in DC. And I am not going to move from here in a million years. I just wish they could be less hostile.
Well, it's not the end of the world.

By the way, those who don't have insecurity issues actually ask about my workouts and ask for tips

LOL so a woman has to ask you for advice about how to look as good as you, otherwise SHE's insecure? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like anyone who has spoken to you once would find you distasteful. It's not how you look, it's your personality.

[Anonymous]

I don't get that kind of hostility. Everyone's really nice to your face. I also don't get invited to cookouts, group outings or things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What woman looks at another woman's finger to know that they are single?

+1. You are really overthinking this. If I knew that you were single, I'd feel sorry for you, not threatened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. They know because it's a small neghborhood and I am always alone with my child when we go places in the area.

The looks can be from anything, what makes you think it is regarding their husband? I just think you are trying to toot your own horn here.

Totally agree. Humble brag.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a fit mom who still gets hit on and my self esteem has never been better. If your posts are any indication of how you act in real life, it is your personality that is turning these other women off, not the fact that you are single. Perhaps if you can get past your whole "I'm hot, I'm amazing, everyone must be jealous of that because they are fat and frumpy" way of thinking, you might begin to realize what is actually turning them off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like anyone who has spoken to you once would find you distasteful. It's not how you look, it's your personality.

Agree. You sound like an asshole.

[Anonymous]

You might have a resting bitchy face, OP.

[Anonymous]

NP here and haven't read the other replies.

OP, it depends on a couple of things, I think. One is how you are dressed. E.g., are you dressed to in a way that makes it hard for anyone (men or women) to keep their eyes off your chest? This is sort of 'signaling' that you are hunting. (hunting men.) This almost makes it instinctive for wives to go into "protect" mode.

The second is your behavior. If you exhibit "I'm on the prowl" behavior, it also causes wives to circle the wagons.

I'm a DW and have a single mom friend and her kid coming to visit us in two weeks and staying for four days. She's attractive but her behavior and style does not make her look like she's on the hunt. I'm good friends with a widowed mom and her kid, and she came to visit us this fall. Same thing.

I know another mom that holy cow, even when she was married, married moms were all running the other way from. And it wasn't like we were all in cahoots or anything, it was just every one of us, as individuals, felt like this mom was out to screw any man she could, single or married. Even my own DH said, "I never want to be alone with her--she's scary." And sure enough, they divorced (she was sleeping with her trainer) and shortly thereafter broke up a good friend's marriage by appearing at her friend's house to visit her friend's husband while that wife was out of town and they ended up having an affair.

But I think these things run way deep, on the instinctual level, because from an anthropological perspective, pre-industrialization it could mean the difference between your offspring living or dying. So woman are very attuned to it. The anthropological term is "mate guarding" and many animals do it, both male and female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's how you dress and the fact that you're single is just coincidence.

+1

[Anonymous]

Actually, OP, most likely they feel sorry for you. You may be "attractive," in some sense, but you are still SINGLE.