Help me figure out match.com etiquette

[Anonymous]

OP, there are many people who don't take their profiles down after they get into a relationship or after their memberships expire (you have to do this proactively), and also many people who set up profiles on a dare or whim and then never have the guts to follow through. You can't read anything in to non-responses. The important part is that you're emailing, which will increase exposure to your profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are many people who don't take their profiles down after they get into a relationship or after their memberships expire (you have to do this proactively), and also many people who set up profiles on a dare or whim and then never have the guts to follow through. You can't read anything in to non-responses. The important part is that you're emailing, which will increase exposure to your profile.

Thanks pp

[Anonymous]

OK, last question from me: If I click on a guy's profile and it says that he has viewed my profile, should I email him? I assume that if he has already seen my profile and was interested he would have emailed me or winked or liked. Is it safe to assume he is not interested or should I email him anyway? again, don't want to appear desperate.

[Anonymous]

Regarding your last question -- he may have looked at your profile and thought, I've been shot down 20 times in the past week, she's cute and looks interesting, but not tonight. Or he could have read something that turned him off. Or you could be a year older than his desired range and he was just curious b/c you're such a stunner.

Bottom line, you have no idea. If you want to message and like the guy, give it a shot. It's the same chance a guy is taking messaging you.

As a veteran of online dating, agree with everyone else's comments. There are people gaming the system, there are genuine people, some guys you'll meet and it takes a second meeting to click. Some guys you can go out with several times and it turns out they're doing the same with other women. It's a gamble, so just keep your wits about you. Good luck!

My current BF did not really match what I was typically saying I wanted at the time. I was in a "give him a chance" mode and it totally paid off. We would never have met if not online. He's a good guy and it took a LONG time to find him.

[Anonymous]

"OK, last question from me: If I click on a guy's profile and it says that he has viewed my profile, should I email him? I assume that if he has already seen my profile and was interested he would have emailed me or winked or liked. Is it safe to assume he is not interested or should I email him anyway? again, don't want to appear desperate."

Yes, email him! You're not going to look desperate - once you get more experienced, you'll realize most people don't spend time analyzing whether or when someone viewed a profile. As PP said, there's no way to know what is going on with the other person - maybe he's not interested, but it also could be that he was interrupted and didn't have time to email, or he was overwhelmed by choice and couldn't narrow his decision. You won't know until you've spent put in a few quality emails, and perhaps met in person a few times, what anyone's story is.

I've heard so many (usually still single) people say that they tried internet dating but it didn't work, yet when they really didn't stick with it - they either gave up after a week, or they only go online a few times a month. If you really want to meet a quality person, you really need to put the time into it. There are plenty of blogs and articles on creating good profiles; Google them and revisit yours. Then a have a few friends review and edit your profile. If you don't have some good photos, have someone take some. And make a point of emailing at least one person daily (or 2 every other day, whatever works best with your schedule).

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied to my silly questions! I am very appreciative and grateful. Thank you very much for your advice. I emailed him last night. So far I have not received a response although he has viewed my profile again. I shall see. . . thanks again!

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy, met DW on match and two other serious LTRs. I think "favoriting" someone is a great way to let them know you are interested. I noticed my wife first, and kind of just went for it, more confidently perhaps than I might ordinarily have done, mainly because I didn't think she'd be interested at all. Ha!

Anyway, previous LTR was someone who was out of my search range (geographical) but 'favorited' me and that kind of let me know.

For men, you have to just go for it - it mirrors meeting IRL and like the PP said, for guys, it's a numbers game and we're expected to make the overtures. I routinely "favorited" women just to put them on my list, and didn't expect them to respond at all (I don't recall that any actually did). Forget winking - that sends a message you're nervous/shy/lack confidence.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP -- any luck?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP -- any luck?

Hi. This is OP. Thanks PP for checking in. So I am having not so great luck on match.com. The advice on this site said to be proactive and email the guys that I am interested in which I did. I emailed three guys but not one of those guys has emailed me back. I have two children and two of the three guys I emailed do not and they are simply not interested. I have received likes and emails from men that I am not interested in. I just turned 40 and it seems that men my age want to date younger women. Would you say this is accurate? I do not look 40 at all but unfortunately my age is advertised. Any other sites you would recommend? I am not sure about match. Also, I notice a singles event where you meet others - kind of like speed dating. Not sure if I should go or not, anyone attended one?

[Anonymous]

OKCupid is very good at matching you up with similar people. Highly recommend. When I was last dating (now married) I never had a date with an OKC match where we were completely wrong for each other. That happened to me a lot on match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here (in a serious relationship due to Match).

These are my rules:

-While you don't want to be too picky, do review profiles for obvious red flags. (Examples - guys who can't write well or have spent little time preparing a profile, guys with lots of party pictures or pictures of themselves with their car, guys who sound bitter about or not over past relationships, guys with young kids who don't share custody, guys who sound like they have money problems, guys who seem like they're players.)

-Don't both winking or marking guys as your favorites. The best way to make the Match algorithms work for you is to proactively email guys who are good matches for you. The more you email, the more your profile will be placed on the daily matches sent to guys with characteristics you are looking for, which means more guys seeing you.

-You can also create a search based on certain criteria (location, age, education, etc.), which might be helpful.

-Do invest in a few thoughtful emails to see how a guy responds - you are looking for someone who is willing to put the time in to send you thoughtful responses, which means he likely has a strong interest in meeting someone special.

-Do not engage in electronic (email, phone, text) relationships. Ideally, after 2-3 emails or approximately a week, a guy who is interested in you and in dating seriously is going to ask to meet you in person. If that doesn't happen, but you are still interested, you should suggest meeting in person.

-Keep initial dates short, no more than 1 to 1.5 hours. I always preferred meeting for a drink after work - it was quick, easy, and didn't create a huge expectation. (If you do think, keep it to one drink, have a plan to get yourself home, and have a reason for leaving or cutting it short for dates that aren't going well.)

-A guy who is quality and who thinks you are too is going to ask you out again either at the end of the date, in the follow-up text, or at least w/in 24 hours. If he doesn't try to lock down a second date quickly, then he either isn't that into you, and he is either going to disappear soon after or keep you strung along while looking for someone "better."

-Do send a follow-up thank you text or email that evening, or by early morning. If you want to see him again, let him know that. If not, use a standard letdown, like "It was really great getting to meet in person, but to be honest I just don't see us as a couple. I wish you luck on Match."

Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OKCupid is very good at matching you up with similar people. Highly recommend. When I was last dating (now married) I never had a date with an OKC match where we were completely wrong for each other. That happened to me a lot on match.

+1

Never had a bad date on OKCupid, even though not all were love matches, but had some horrendous experiences on eHarmony and Match. OKC is free, might be worth a shot OP.

Also, you emailed 3 guys. That is NOTHING in terms of internet dating. According to DH he was sending out 3-8 messages a day and went on over 30 first dates before meeting me (a few of those turned into short term relationships) - point being it took him almost two years of almost daily checking and messaging to find love. Don't give up if your first, tiny batch of men aren't right for you - I went through hundreds of profiles before I found DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OKCupid is very good at matching you up with similar people. Highly recommend. When I was last dating (now married) I never had a date with an OKC match where we were completely wrong for each other. That happened to me a lot on match.

+1

Never had a bad date on OKCupid, even though not all were love matches, but had some horrendous experiences on eHarmony and Match. OKC is free, might be worth a shot OP.

Also, you emailed 3 guys. That is NOTHING in terms of internet dating. According to DH he was sending out 3-8 messages a day and went on over 30 first dates before meeting me (a few of those turned into short term relationships) - point being it took him almost two years of almost daily checking and messaging to find love. Don't give up if your first, tiny batch of men aren't right for you - I went through hundreds of profiles before I found DH.

Thanks for putting it into perspective PP! I don't mean to sound full of myself but I am really surprised that no one I have written has responded. It feels kind of like a blow even though I don't know them (thankfully). I feel rejected - silly isn't it? Maybe this internet thing isn't for me? Did you ever attend speed dating? If so, how did it go?

[Anonymous]

You sent three messages and you're giving up? What are you saying in your messages? Sounds obvious, but are you asking questions that they can answer? If you are sending out a generic "hey, how are you?" of course they won't answer. Would you?

Let me put it in perspective: One month I decided to really commit and give it my all on a paid dating site. I sent out more than 60 messages.

How many pictures do you have on the site? Are they all of only your face? All group shots where they can't tell which one you are? Tons of makeup? Duck-face?

Speed dating was a shit-show for me. That's my own personal hell -- guy after guy asking you what you do for work and what you do for fun.
There was a thread on speed dating and I bookmarked it.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/307500.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sent three messages and you're giving up? What are you saying in your messages? Sounds obvious, but are you asking questions that they can answer? If you are sending out a generic "hey, how are you?" of course they won't answer. Would you?

Let me put it in perspective: One month I decided to really commit and give it my all on a paid dating site. I sent out more than 60 messages.

How many pictures do you have on the site? Are they all of only your face? All group shots where they can't tell which one you are? Tons of makeup? Duck-face?

Speed dating was a shit-show for me. That's my own personal hell -- guy after guy asking you what you do for work and what you do for fun.
There was a thread on speed dating and I bookmarked it.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/307500.page

Hi PP. Ok, now I have written five emails AND I have liked about ten other guys (I know that some people advised me against this but I didn't want to email because no one has responded). I only have one picture which is a picture of my face and I know I have to add more. What I think is hysterical is that SO many of the guys post pictures of vacations they have taken and they (they guys posting) are not in them! I have seen so many photos of beautiful beaches and historical sites!

I started doing OK cupid and answered over 200 questions - my some of those questions are quite personal - about sex - and then panicked because I didn't want anyone viewing my answers! I wasn't sure but thought that other people could see my answers. I spent 2 hours on that site answering questions and then deleted my profile - waste of time! Ugh. . . .so frustrating! But again, thank you PP for your advice. I will proceed. . .