Reply to Framed photo of ILs, how to handle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I find it a bit odd that a married couple in their early 70s would book a studio photographer to take photos, then I guess send one to each child, and presumably keep one. [/quote]

I can think of a bunch of reasons someone might feel compelled to do this -- feeling like they aren't going to be around forever, wanted to have a picture around for their grandchildren to see and remember them, etc. It's possible (probable?) that this is an attempt by your in-laws to be more integrated into your daily life, particularly for your children. In that case, I'd be inclined to welcome it, since surely it's better than daily phone calls or visits!

In our house, we have a family photo wall on the staircase (where it's not staring at us all the time) with picture of my parents, grandparents, and great great great grandparents straight off the boat. We had one growing up, and I loved looking at those pictures. If you have space in an out-of-the-way spot, you could earn some points with your in-laws by creating something similar and telling them their picture was the inspiration for it and your children enjoy looking at it and hearing stories about their family's past. I have a feeling that's what they were after at in the first place by sending such a thing.[/quote]

This is a very nice way of looking at it.  [b]My distaste for my ILs is coloring this, in case you hadn't guessed.[/b]  Photo is so cheesy.  The corners fade away, it's heavily photoshopped, at first I thought it must be an old photo from the 80's, since all but a few crow's feet have been digitally scrubbed away from MIL's face.  [/quote]

Yes, I'd guessed that. It didn't require any guesswork, actually; it comes through loud and clear in your original post. It's also notable that you come here rather than just talking to your husband about it.

So: "Distaste" for the in-laws and fear of offending if you communicate simply and directly with their son, your husband.  Sounds like there is more going on here and this is a classic "tip of the iceberg" situation.

Why can't you at least be honest with your husband? That doesn't have to go as far as "It's creepy and their eyes follow me" because, well, that's unkind at best. But he's your husband - Is he so very sensitive tha the won't get it if you just said, "Hey, that photo -- not the best one of your folks. We tend to have just pictures of the kids. How about if we put this one (on the wall in the back hallway, along the staircase, wherever is "on display" but not in the main living area)?" Or if you do keep other family photos but in albums: "I'd really like this in the album with other pictures of my parents and yours and other relatives, so it's all together."

If you can't even bring this up for fear of offending your husband, it sounds as if he knows you don't like his parents and that upsets him (in which case, have you ever discussed why?) OR he doesn't like them much either but is sensitive about that fact, because he doesn't want to offend THEM.

Whatever's really going on, it all sounds like no one's just talking. And I agree with the person who posted above that older people sometimes hit an "I realize I won't be around much longer, and I want to be remembered" stage and there is nothing wrong with that. It's a way of reaching out, even if it's not a way that you find tasteful.[/quote]

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