What are Fair Expectations for Stay-at-Home Dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:let it go....leeeeeetttt ittttt goooooooooo

Including the lack of speech therapy activities? Just assume the kid will catch up eventually, even if he watches Maury every afternoon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do my own laundry, fix my own meals (microwave something and fix vegetables), and pay half of the bills. I also fix DC's breakfast every morning and get him dressed. On the weekends, I usually spend half a day cleaning (I don't think DH knows where the toilet brush even lives), the place is in a constant state of clutter (none of it mine or DC's), repairs get completed after a few months, and none of the speech therapy ideas get done, but DC watches a lot of TV and spends a lot of time in a playpen.

DH gets groceries about 90% of the time, does the dishes, does his laundry and DC's, does the repairs around the house (eventually), and pays his half of the bills. He also does almost all of the appointments (car repairs, post office, etc.).

I really want him to do more during the day, especially with DC, and would like him to do things without being asked 50 times. I genuinely don't want to be a nag or put too an unfair amount on his plate, but I feel like he puts me in a position where I have no choice. Asking nicely is just ignored.

How does he pay his own bills?

This wouldn't work for me. But, before you blow up about it, the two of you need to sit down and write out ALL of the duties each week. Then, assign a list for each person, with clearly the majority being on his column. Tape it to the wall, and see how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How does he pay his own bills?

This wouldn't work for me. But, before you blow up about it, the two of you need to sit down and write out ALL of the duties each week. Then, assign a list for each person, with clearly the majority being on his column. Tape it to the wall, and see how that works.

Well, I pay him back for "his" bills with a wire transfer every month. I suggested the list, and he refused because it was "too rigid."

[Anonymous]

I guess I don't understand why this man is a SAHD? He's obviously not good at it if he's not interested in caring for you DC all day and cleaning, picking up. I'm not a SAHM, but I would love to spend all day cleaning and caring for children. It's a personality thing and I don't think your DH is good enough for it. Have him work and hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wel i can tell yo porn and the m word.. will be on his daily agenda. lots of tv and instead of walks to the park, walks to a lot of areas to watch women walk by.
but he will be able to get all you need im to get done in a lot less time than you do because he will jsut get it doen quickly withouth over thinking it.

WTF,

I'm not a SAHD but I am a dad wil I want to say the post above is SPOT ON! That's what I'd do too if I were a SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Errands, all appointments, laundry, cleaning, picking up, dinner on the table at 6.

...and all set to rock DW's world in bed when she comes home from a hard day's work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do my own laundry, fix my own meals (microwave something and fix vegetables), and pay half of the bills. I also fix DC's breakfast every morning and get him dressed. On the weekends, I usually spend half a day cleaning (I don't think DH knows where the toilet brush even lives), the place is in a constant state of clutter (none of it mine or DC's), repairs get completed after a few months, and none of the speech therapy ideas get done, but DC watches a lot of TV and spends a lot of time in a playpen.

DH gets groceries about 90% of the time, does the dishes, does his laundry and DC's, does the repairs around the house (eventually), and pays his half of the bills. He also does almost all of the appointments (car repairs, post office, etc.).

I really want him to do more during the day, especially with DC, and would like him to do things without being asked 50 times. I genuinely don't want to be a nag or put too an unfair amount on his plate, but I feel like he puts me in a position where I have no choice. Asking nicely is just ignored.

Please, please, watching television will further delay speech. If you have to, threaten to cut off internet & cable unless the child's screen time is reduced

There seems to already be a pretty big divide between you with the separate bills and accounts -- especially since he is not working. Is he laid off? And are you thinking of eventually leaving him unless he gets his act together? B/c That is how it sounds, and honestly wouldn't be unreasonable if this is his approach to parenting (if is he laid off, he should be working 4 hrs a day on job applications, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wel i can tell yo porn and the m word.. will be on his daily agenda. lots of tv and instead of walks to the park, walks to a lot of areas to watch women walk by.
but he will be able to get all you need im to get done in a lot less time than you do because he will jsut get it doen quickly withouth over thinking it.

WTF,

I'm not a SAHD but I am a dad wil I want to say the post above is SPOT ON! That's what I'd do too if I were a SAHD.

I grew up with a stay at home dad, I am lucky he still took me on walks instead of acting like a creep I guess...

[Anonymous]

http://moreclaremore.com/stay-home-dad-leaves-post-wife/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Please, please, watching television will further delay speech. If you have to, threaten to cut off internet & cable unless the child's screen time is reduced

There seems to already be a pretty big divide between you with the separate bills and accounts -- especially since he is not working. Is he laid off? And are you thinking of eventually leaving him unless he gets his act together? B/c That is how it sounds, and honestly wouldn't be unreasonable if this is his approach to parenting (if is he laid off, he should be working 4 hrs a day on job applications, etc).

We've always had separate accounts; it works for us. He was laid off and isn't looking for jobs; I gave up on that a while ago. I'm not thinking divorce yet, but I am frustrated about the speech delay. I feel like DH caused it with the lack of parenting and now just ignores it instead of dealing with it. In his defense, his love for DC is incredible and they play and joke around a lot when I'm there in the evening.

[Anonymous]

It's extremely unlikely your DH caused your child's speech delay. Extremely unlikely. That being said, he should certainly bringing your DC to any therapy appointments and following up with any activities recommended by the therapist.
But I wouldn't correlate your child's progress or lack thereof with the level of your DH's involvement (unless he's being neglectful).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Errands, all appointments, laundry, cleaning, picking up, dinner on the table at 6.

...and all set to rock DW's world in bed when she comes home from a hard day's work.

yep - one of the few careers where fucking the boss is part of your job

[Anonymous]

Tell him to get a job and put the kid in day care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do my own laundry, fix my own meals (microwave something and fix vegetables), and pay half of the bills. I also fix DC's breakfast every morning and get him dressed. On the weekends, I usually spend half a day cleaning (I don't think DH knows where the toilet brush even lives), the place is in a constant state of clutter (none of it mine or DC's), repairs get completed after a few months, and none of the speech therapy ideas get done, but DC watches a lot of TV and spends a lot of time in a playpen.

DH gets groceries about 90% of the time, does the dishes, does his laundry and DC's, does the repairs around the house (eventually), and pays his half of the bills. He also does almost all of the appointments (car repairs, post office, etc.).

I really want him to do more during the day, especially with DC, and would like him to do things without being asked 50 times. I genuinely don't want to be a nag or put too an unfair amount on his plate, but I feel like he puts me in a position where I have no choice. Asking nicely is just ignored.

Please, please, watching television will further delay speech. If you have to, threaten to cut off internet & cable unless the child's screen time is reduced

There seems to already be a pretty big divide between you with the separate bills and accounts -- especially since he is not working. Is he laid off? And are you thinking of eventually leaving him unless he gets his act together? B/c That is how it sounds, and honestly wouldn't be unreasonable if this is his approach to parenting (if is he laid off, he should be working 4 hrs a day on job applications, etc).

Actually, depending on the tv, I wish I did tv more when my child was younger. I took the bad advice of all or none. We notice positive improvements with reasonable tv with the speech, in particular the imaginary play. TV has a time and place. It should not be an all or nothing deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:let it go....leeeeeetttt ittttt goooooooooo

Including the lack of speech therapy activities? Just assume the kid will catch up eventually, even if he watches Maury every afternoon?

Then, just take the kid to therapy 2-4 days a week. Problem solved.