Did anyone else marry a fairy tale man and have it fall apart?

[Anonymous]

Life is what happens while we are busy making plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somehow I find this thread intolerant and superficial. I'm sure that when life was "perfect" you were as judgmental of everyone else as your DH seems to be of you now. I'm sure you never even considered a man who didn't meet your list of expectations. You don't talk of shared values, interests or dreams. Even your description of DH has a "Me, me, me" tone about it in which you describe what you required before you even considered a guy to be worthy of you.

Now that you've lost your status job, you sound like you've lost your self-respect. Honestly, do you think that you are anything beyond a CV? Because obviously that's what you wanted out of a husband: someone who was "good on paper" was enough. There's nothing to describe his soul or character in your entire post.

Harsh and unduly so, I'd say. OP was looking for confirmation that bad things happen to good people. They do and, even worse, at random. Some of her friends will never be touched by similar misfortune. Others will. It's quite a shock when you've spent your whole life preparing for something else.

[Anonymous]

Geez, why all the hate on the OP? Doesn't everyone have a moment when they say, holy cow, this isn't exactly what I thought I'd be when I imagined this stage of my life? (I have that feeling when I walk through the mall in what I have acknowledged is a - hopefully temporary - fat and schlumpy phase, and see the looks from younger women and even the cool skinny mom types.)

I'm not sure why it's such a crime to be sad about getting laid off/fired, or having a jerk husband who cheats unrepentantly. And I don't think it's a bad thing that the OP believes she deserves better. She does. We all do. We don't all get it, and dealing with adversity is an unavoidable part of life. But as I posted previously OP, it can get better, and you may even get to a point in your life where it all makes sense in terms of bringing you to a better place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, why all the hate on the OP? Doesn't everyone have a moment when they say, holy cow, this isn't exactly what I thought I'd be when I imagined this stage of my life?

Sure, we all have those moments, but the OP listed a series of superficial checklist items that have very little to do with liking the person she chose to marry.

She sounds like a classic "good girl" "rule follower" who has been punching her ticket and expecting the mail-order life to arrive and make her happy. Really shallow and really disconnected from reality.

[Anonymous]

I should add: I look down on the luser guys who think the answer to happiness is a mail-order bride who isn't 'corrupted' by women's lib.

[Anonymous]

Sure, we all have those moments, but the OP listed a series of superficial checklist items that have very little to do with liking the person she chose to marry.

She sounds like a classic "good girl" "rule follower" who has been punching her ticket and expecting the mail-order life to arrive and make her happy. Really shallow and really disconnected from reality.


Unfortunately she didn't post the novel of her life. We have no idea what all she had in her list of things she wanted for life. She wrote a few down and now you are reading things into her post. You are mean and you just want to be nasty to OP.

[Anonymous]

OP I have several friends who were married before or right around 30 in fairy tale weddings to somewhat fairy tale men and who got divorced. All of them bounced back and married wonderful men and have babies now. Hang in there. Things will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So shocked at what my life has become. I was always considered good-looking and smart, came from an affluent family, went to a top women's college and then an Ivy League law school, met the perfect man there - hot, smart, also from an affluent family, totally great to me. We get jobs at firms in the same city, we're in love, we get married, everything is going great. Then this year, I lose my job because I haven't been billing enough hours and bringing in clients, and also find out that he's been cheating on me for 2 years, he claims he doesn't love me at all, and we're on the brink of divorce.

I am just not sure what is happening. My life wasn't supposed to go like this.

You have your looks, a career, young, momsie dadsie and ex can support you until you get another job. So...

[Anonymous]

So what if she is a "good girl" who followed all the rules. Have a little compassion and understanding of human suffering.

Wow, OP, I am so sorry to hear about your lay off and even worse your cheating husband. I got laid off as well and my relative has serious cancer so I understand some of your pain. It sounds like you don't have children with this Neanderthal man. Thank goodness for that. I'm sure you will land on your feet. Sending good wishes your way. (Ignore the jealous haters)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what if she is a "good girl" who followed all the rules. Have a little compassion and understanding of human suffering.

Wow, OP, I am so sorry to hear about your lay off and even worse your cheating husband. I got laid off as well and my relative has serious cancer so I understand some of your pain. It sounds like you don't have children with this Neanderthal man. Thank goodness for that. I'm sure you will land on your feet. Sending good wishes your way. (Ignore the jealous haters)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what if she is a "good girl" who followed all the rules. Have a little compassion and understanding of human suffering.

Wow, OP, I am so sorry to hear about your lay off and even worse your cheating husband. I got laid off as well and my relative has serious cancer so I understand some of your pain. It sounds like you don't have children with this Neanderthal man. Thank goodness for that. I'm sure you will land on your feet. Sending good wishes your way. (Ignore the jealous haters)

Oh, I do have some compassion - sucks to have life blow up. But I also don't think she's well served with a lot of "oh woe is me" - it always takes two to tango and she will be best served not worrying about what dick moves he pulled and paying attention to the part she can control - what part she played in arriving where she is.

Not trying to be unduly harsh, as another poster mentioned, it doesn't sound like kids are involved, so she can make a clean break from this guy, start over with her career and her romantic life, and make sure to examine what mistakes she made.

OP - I've made plenty of my own..welcome to being just another human being - and take some solace in that: we are all just human beings, with some dirt under our nails and fuck-ups in our past. Don't be fooled by the illusion of the mail-order fairy tale. My ire is directed at the fairy tail not you.

[Anonymous]

" the jealous haters"

this non-explicit forum seems to be full of them.

[Anonymous]

Very sorry to hear that, OP.

Life is messy and unpredictable and as others have said, this is something you WILL bounce back from. It's a dark time right now but mark this date on your calendar one year out and imagine how much will have changed by then - some of it, certainly, will change for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what if she is a "good girl" who followed all the rules. Have a little compassion and understanding of human suffering.

Wow, OP, I am so sorry to hear about your lay off and even worse your cheating husband. I got laid off as well and my relative has serious cancer so I understand some of your pain. It sounds like you don't have children with this Neanderthal man. Thank goodness for that. I'm sure you will land on your feet. Sending good wishes your way. (Ignore the jealous haters)

its good that she is a good girl and all that. but one gets the impression that she felt entitled to everything going her way forever. like, this was not supposed to happen to her, but some commoners out there. and she is of age where most people are over such illusions.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry things played out this way. There is life after your first law firm. You would be surprised (but maybe not) how many people lose their first law firm job. This town is filled with major success stories who went to another firm, when to the government, went elsewhere after being burned by a law firm.

As for your husband, he was a cheating, lying schmuck. Time to get angry.

Also time to grow up, no? Life can't be a pinata.