s/o: If you have infrequent sex with spouse, were you initially sexually attracted to them?

[Anonymous]

I was not. Or I was, until we actually had sex, and it was not arousing or satisfying at all. Since I was attracted to him in many other ways, I worked on the sex part until I could at least orgasm, but it was never that great. I married him thinking it could get better over time as we "put the work in" to the marriage, as PP said, but that never happened. The emotional intimacy and financial stability I was attracted to fell apart and sex tanked along with it. I know this is my fault since I knew the sex was not good for me from the start, but I can't will away the feeling of physical revulsion and recoil I feel now when he touches me. I have tried to will it away and I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still crazy about DH, but he no longer finds me attractive. Two more years and I am out of here. He has no idea and will be floored.

Why in two years?

DD goes to college.

See, if you're delaying because of that, you really should wait until after college. Why would you fuck up your kid in their first semester at college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sex once a week. This is way, way down from when we were first dating. But we've been married for almost ten years at this point. It's not that I don't find him attractive anymore, because I do. But that initial spark does tend to diminish over time in long relationships. I think you hear about this phenomenon a lot.

This!. I'm willing to bed that not even Brad and Angelina are fucking like rabbits because they find each other oh so irresistible. Familiarity over time tends to erode that initial attraction/spark.

[Anonymous]

*to bet*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His intellect, sense of humor, integrity were all part of the attraction...

Oh, and still are! Didn't see that whole "infrequent" thing - sorry!

[Anonymous]

I was attracted but the sex was never great.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I have sex maybe four times a year. Sex was daily at the start of our marriage 15 years ago. We fluctuated between 2-4 times a week from 6 year on. Once we had kids it became once a week. Now it's nonexistant. Last time we did was in August, and that felt like a pity f*cK. I was totally attracted to DH in every way when we met. And I still am sexually attracted to him. I want to jump his bones daily. He has just run out of sex drive. Thankfully I was also attracted to his kindness, intelligence and sense of humor. So it still works. Not looking forward to the next 30 years of celibacy, but whatever. I knew when he suggested I get a vibrator last year I was in trouble. I have tried it, and it aint for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I have sex maybe four times a year. Sex was daily at the start of our marriage 15 years ago. We fluctuated between 2-4 times a week from 6 year on. Once we had kids it became once a week. Now it's nonexistant. Last time we did was in August, and that felt like a pity f*cK. I was totally attracted to DH in every way when we met. And I still am sexually attracted to him. I want to jump his bones daily. He has just run out of sex drive. Thankfully I was also attracted to his kindness, intelligence and sense of humor. So it still works. Not looking forward to the next 30 years of celibacy, but whatever. I knew when he suggested I get a vibrator last year I was in trouble. I have tried it, and it aint for me.

Ouch. That's a problem. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sex once a week. This is way, way down from when we were first dating. But we've been married for almost ten years at this point. It's not that I don't find him attractive anymore, because I do. But that initial spark does tend to diminish over time in long relationships. I think you hear about this phenomenon a lot.

We have sex about twice a week. It's pretty much the same as when we were dating 20 years ago. I used to want more; now I'm happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was not. Or I was, until we actually had sex, and it was not arousing or satisfying at all. Since I was attracted to him in many other ways, I worked on the sex part until I could at least orgasm, but it was never that great. I married him thinking it could get better over time as we "put the work in" to the marriage, as PP said, but that never happened. The emotional intimacy and financial stability I was attracted to fell apart and sex tanked along with it. I know this is my fault since I knew the sex was not good for me from the start, but I can't will away the feeling of physical revulsion and recoil I feel now when he touches me. I have tried to will it away and I can't.

Have you had satisfying sex ever in your life with another person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

I could be the woman with whom you are involved. I totally get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

I hope not. My sympathies, PP, I hope you find happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still crazy about DH, but he no longer finds me attractive. Two more years and I am out of here. He has no idea and will be floored.

Why in two years?

DD goes to college.

See, if you're delaying because of that, you really should wait until after college. Why would you fuck up your kid in their first semester at college?

Had the "Divorce Talk" with DD when she was 14. She told me that she always knew something was wrong with our marriage and she feels bad for me. She has accompanied me to check out apartments for when I make my exit plan. She is totally supportive and it's doubtful
divorce will make her any more fucked up than she already is by witnessing a loveless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

I could be the woman with whom you are involved. I totally get it.

+1,000