s/o: If you have infrequent sex with spouse, were you initially sexually attracted to them?

[Anonymous]

Or did you marry for other reasons (i.e. security, great friendship, intellectual compatibility, similar values, etc).
It's hard to imagine sex going out the window for months at a time and both partners being fine with it, if the initial attraction was sexual.

[Anonymous]

What an odd question. Do you come up with lots of these random thoughts on a regular basis? Empty nester maybe?

[Anonymous]

Sexually was the least way I was attracted.

[Anonymous]

Still crazy about DH, but he no longer finds me attractive. Two more years and I am out of here. He has no idea and will be floored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still crazy about DH, but he no longer finds me attractive. Two more years and I am out of here. He has no idea and will be floored.

Why in two years?

[Anonymous]

We have sex once a week. This is way, way down from when we were first dating. But we've been married for almost ten years at this point. It's not that I don't find him attractive anymore, because I do. But that initial spark does tend to diminish over time in long relationships. I think you hear about this phenomenon a lot.

[Anonymous]

Not exactly.
I was attracted to his brilliant scientific mind and his deep sexy voice (we had a long-distance relationship for 2 years, so that was crucial!).

[Anonymous]

Watch the movie Hope Springs. It explains a lot about sexual issues and long lasting relationships.

Intimacy needs to be nurtured to break through all the baggage relationships pickup along life's journey. Some may divorce to seek what they perceive to be happiness and fulfillment sexually from another person or some put the real work into the relationship to get he intimacy back.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an odd question. Do you come up with lots of these random thoughts on a regular basis? Empty nester maybe?

No, I have read thread after thread about low libido and sexual incompatibility, and I've always been curious. How is this question more odd or random than any other on this forum? Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sex once a week. This is way, way down from when we were first dating. But we've been married for almost ten years at this point. It's not that I don't find him attractive anymore, because I do. But that initial spark does tend to diminish over time in long relationships. I think you hear about this phenomenon a lot.

OP here. Once a week seems quite healthy to me. I was responding to thread with posters who would go months and months and were fine with it.
FWIW, I do believe if partners are on the same page there is no problem with low sexual frequency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still crazy about DH, but he no longer finds me attractive. Two more years and I am out of here. He has no idea and will be floored.

Why in two years?

DD goes to college.

[Anonymous]

We have had our major ups and downs. I was attracted to him at first emotionally, in my early 20s. Since I was a virgin I had no idea how sex would be.

Now, 20 years later, I think the great sex actually makes me find him attractive. That + all that shared history.

[Anonymous]

I was.

[Anonymous]

His intellect, sense of humor, integrity were all part of the attraction...