s/o: If you have infrequent sex with spouse, were you initially sexually attracted to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

I could be the woman with whom you are involved. I totally get it.

I wonder if you are that woman. If there was only a way to know if it was you? ? The woman that I am involved with is an incredible person. I consider myself very lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still crazy about DH, but he no longer finds me attractive. Two more years and I am out of here. He has no idea and will be floored.

Why in two years?

DD goes to college.

See, if you're delaying because of that, you really should wait until after college. Why would you fuck up your kid in their first semester at college?

Had the "Divorce Talk" with DD when she was 14. She told me that she always knew something was wrong with our marriage and she feels bad for me. She has accompanied me to check out apartments for when I make my exit plan. She is totally supportive and it's doubtful
divorce will make her any more fucked up than she already is by witnessing a loveless marriage.

So why wait?

[Anonymous]

I was physically attracted to him then and still am 15 years later. But my sex drive disappeared. Gone. I used to wank daily and don't do that anymore either.

[Anonymous]

No, not sexually attracted to him and I think he was mildly sexually attracted to me. We live in a sexless marriage and it is fine by me at this point. I am not a sexual person by nature - I was very much during my teen years and had to control myself hard to not go over the "fooling around" stage with boyfriends. I regret now that I didn't give in and experienced hot, desirable sex at least once in my life.

I have have had an orgasm during sex with anyone, only through masturbation and I find sex extremely boring and tiresome. I wish there was a women's viagra.

[Anonymous]

I have NEVER had*

[Anonymous]

My husband was and is a very attractive man but for whatever reason I've never been attracted to him in a sexual way. I really wish I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was and is a very attractive man but for whatever reason I've never been attracted to him in a sexual way. I really wish I was.

How would you feel if you found out he was having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still crazy about DH, but he no longer finds me attractive. Two more years and I am out of here. He has no idea and will be floored.

Why in two years?

DD goes to college.

See, if you're delaying because of that, you really should wait until after college. Why would you fuck up your kid in their first semester at college?

Had the "Divorce Talk" with DD when she was 14. She told me that she always knew something was wrong with our marriage and she feels bad for me. She has accompanied me to check out apartments for when I make my exit plan. She is totally supportive and it's doubtful
divorce will make her any more fucked up than she already is by witnessing a loveless marriage.

So why wait?

Yeah I'm not getting any of this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

Well...I hope you realize it will be even worse for your kids if they ever find out you've been cheating on their mother. Especially if you have daughters. You could *significantly* impact their future ability to trust a man and form a loving relationship. When you find out that the security and stability of your supposedly happy home is all based on a pack of lies, it is like the floor falling through underneath you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have sex once a week. This is way, way down from when we were first dating. But we've been married for almost ten years at this point. It's not that I don't find him attractive anymore, because I do. But that initial spark does tend to diminish over time in long relationships. I think you hear about this phenomenon a lot.

OP here. Once a week seems quite healthy to me. I was responding to thread with posters who would go months and months and were fine with it.
FWIW, I do believe if partners are on the same page there is no problem with low sexual frequency.

Or years for Gods sake!!!

[Anonymous]

Well we have a zillion people on the other thread saying "Hey! I it is perfectly normal relationship when people go years without having sex with their spouse!" We then have all the frustrated unsexed spouses over here miserable and cheating.

The moral? Don't marry your best friend, marry your LOVER! If you are never lovers, then stick to a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Trust me, after many years of seeing the same person day in and day out....Of having to live with that person and see EVERYTHING...sex appeal can slowly go out the window. Try watching your S/O pick out his earwax with his pinkie finger at the dinner table and then imagine banging him hours later. Yuck. Lol.

After children, long work days and a messy house along with financial issues, sexual attraction can erode quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

Well...I hope you realize it will be even worse for your kids if they ever find out you've been cheating on their mother. Especially if you have daughters. You could *significantly* impact their future ability to trust a man and form a loving relationship. When you find out that the security and stability of your supposedly happy home is all based on a pack of lies, it is like the floor falling through underneath you.

+1000 I don't think pp realizes he's cheating on the whole family. Living a lie that many children would have a hard time getting over or forgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH who is in a sexless/affection less 20 year old marriage... I have two kids.. If it was not for the kids.. I would have gotten a divorce many yeas ago.

I was sexually attracted to my DW, but I know wonder if she was ever sexually attracted to me.

I have become involved with someone who is in a sexless/affection less marriage of her own. We started out as friends and now have become a lot more than friends.. There is passion, affection, great sex and a great friendship. The chemistry between us is better than any relationship that I have ever been involved in. It has everything that our current marriages do not have. If it wasn't for our kids, they is a good chance we would move in together and get married. Ironically...Based on where we both were in our life back 20 years ago, we would not have been interested in each other..

I know people will flame me for this post..

Well...I hope you realize it will be even worse for your kids if they ever find out you've been cheating on their mother. Especially if you have daughters. You could *significantly* impact their future ability to trust a man and form a loving relationship. When you find out that the security and stability of your supposedly happy home is all based on a pack of lies, it is like the floor falling through underneath you.

+1000 I don't think pp realizes he's cheating on the whole family. Living a lie that many children would have a hard time getting over or forgiving.

Please. His wife caused this situation by abandoning the marriage. I hope he does not get caught and even if he does I can't imagine his wife should care. She hasn't given him what is clearly expected in marriage.

This is on her. I'm saying this as someone who goes maybe a week between intimacy bacause I knpw this is a critical key to a happy and connected marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was not. Or I was, until we actually had sex, and it was not arousing or satisfying at all. Since I was attracted to him in many other ways, I worked on the sex part until I could at least orgasm, but it was never that great. I married him thinking it could get better over time as we "put the work in" to the marriage, as PP said, but that never happened. The emotional intimacy and financial stability I was attracted to fell apart and sex tanked along with it. I know this is my fault since I knew the sex was not good for me from the start, but I can't will away the feeling of physical revulsion and recoil I feel now when he touches me. I have tried to will it away and I can't.

Have you had satisfying sex ever in your life with another person?

Yes! I have had amazing sex, multiple orgasms, madly in love passion, can't keep our hands off each other, multiple times a day, trying out fantasies and positions, you name it. Some of those boyfriends were good guys but marriage wasn't in the cards for various reasons. Some of them were not so nice, controlling, even borderline abusive. I was in my mid-30's, wanted kids, and thought I should be looking for kindness, respect, stability first and foremost in a lifetime partner, not just great sex. But by not being honest with myself and listening to my body, I ended up with none of that. Now I believe that great sex is essential to marriage, along with those other qualities.