Yet another thanksgiving vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 10-hour drives in 4 days with a 3-year-old would be torture. I would say no just for that reason. But Vegas with a kid could be fun.

We took my 3 year old and 5 year old to the grandparents for Thanksgiving one year. It was 5 hours there and 5 hours back (on Sunday)! The 3 year old spent the entire drive back, yelling/chanting "BREAKFAST TIME! BREAKFAST TIME! BREAKFAST TIME! BREAKFAST TIME!" in the back seat. We fed him breakfast. We fed him candy. We fed him breakfast again. He wasn't hungry. He just wanted to yell "BREAKFAST TIME!" for five hours. Straight.

Kids are evil.

[Anonymous]

OP here- also he knew I had a turkey sitting in the freezer. So he just plans something disregarding my plans? At least he could have told me to not buy the freaking turkey!!!! (Never ever will I buy it more than a day before the holiday)

Just two weeks ago I went on a trip with him that he suggested, we ended up paying $90 to enter the place where we spent one hour, which was not enough for me (and I think for our son); I think it is a waste. He however likes the notion of "going somewhere". I am more for planned and though out vacations, in this case we could do a hotel- would cost us $200 extra max, but so much more fun (we could also see the neighboring city).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I am not against Vegas per se.
I don't like the 10 hour drive. Yes, he will learn the hard way, but I will be tired too- too much for me to just make him "learn".
I suggested we did a shorter trip right now- he said no. I suggested we went to Vegas later, by plane, when there is a deal on tickets etc- no, this is not going to happen, as I will sabotage this (he claims).
He just wants to see the city and hang out, maybe do a show that is good for kids. I understand and I would be all for it, but not 4 days before the trip and not with a 10 hr drive.

I see what posters are saying who think I am the one distancing in the relationship. But I just can't. I said ok to shorter trips before, I didn't particularly enjoy them but thanked him anyway and never showed that.
His new idea is a trip 5 hours away on a Friday, spending Saturday there, and driving back on Sunday. He does nit see my arguments that its impossible to see much with a kid in this mode of travel.
I feel like I am trapped- I am the marriage breaker unless I agree to his ideas which seem uncomfortable for me.

This seems like a good compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I am not against Vegas per se.
I don't like the 10 hour drive. Yes, he will learn the hard way, but I will be tired too- too much for me to just make him "learn".
I suggested we did a shorter trip right now- he said no. I suggested we went to Vegas later, by plane, when there is a deal on tickets etc- no, this is not going to happen, as I will sabotage this (he claims).
He just wants to see the city and hang out, maybe do a show that is good for kids. I understand and I would be all for it, but not 4 days before the trip and not with a 10 hr drive.

I see what posters are saying who think I am the one distancing in the relationship. But I just can't. I said ok to shorter trips before, I didn't particularly enjoy them but thanked him anyway and never showed that.
His new idea is a trip 5 hours away on a Friday, spending Saturday there, and driving back on Sunday. He does nit see my arguments that its impossible to see much with a kid in this mode of travel.
I feel like I am trapped- I am the marriage breaker unless I agree to his ideas which seem uncomfortable for me.

This seems like a good compromise.

I am nit sure. There are at least two big attractions to see there. Think zoo and aquarium, for example. I am not sure we could do them (and enjoy them!) in one day with a 3 yo who still naps (he could nap in the car on the way from one to another but I still think it is just too much).
The problem is- I like to take it slow, H wants to rush rush rush.
I am just asking for a freaking extra day off! He says no.

[Anonymous]

Do whatever you want. Don't come crying when you find out he takes another woman on these trips.

Have you ever actually planned a family trip?

You didn't say if you work or stay at home. If you go on being a party pooper, you really should get a job to be more financially independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do whatever you want. Don't come crying when you find out he takes another woman on these trips.

Have you ever actually planned a family trip?

You didn't say if you work or stay at home. If you go on being a party pooper, you really should get a job to be more financially independent.

+1

OP, you sound like a trite selfish nag.

[Anonymous]

Op, you sound petulant. Do you ever actually go on trips and enjoy them? Do you ever plan a trip?

It sounds like you complain no matter what. Yet he keep trying.

Lots of people travel with 3 yr olds. And to a place with a zoo and aquarium - sounds like he chose a child friendly location. even his Vegas plans were family oriented.

It sounds like you are a homebody and he isn't. If you also complain all the time at home about everything, he probably figures at least going away and doing something while you complain will be better than sitting at home while you complain.

[Anonymous]

I've done a 5 hour trip up one day and back the next with small kids. It's not awesome, but it's not horrible (it wasn't to do attractions, just to visit a family member). 10 hours one way is cray-cray.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why other posters are insulting this poor OP - it seems perfectly reasonable to want a day off at home (buying the turkey etc) and at other times planning vacations well so that everyone can enjoy them. Whereas her husband seems to be more "spontaneous" and frankly much too impulsive and self-centered. Then he guilt-trips her into going and pretending she's enjoying it? What a waste of family time and money.

[Anonymous]

Yes I have planned all our vacations before and enjoyed them.
I just like to save up some days off and some money instead of all the crazy driving.

[Anonymous]

OP here- I should add that before the "spontaneous" idea we agreed to stay home for the weekend a do a couple of day trips as there is a still a lot to see for us around where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why other posters are insulting this poor OP - it seems perfectly reasonable to want a day off at home (buying the turkey etc) and at other times planning vacations well so that everyone can enjoy them. Whereas her husband seems to be more "spontaneous" and frankly much too impulsive and self-centered. Then he guilt-trips her into going and pretending she's enjoying it? What a waste of family time and money.

Thank you pp!
This is exactly how I feel but I thought I would lay it out here.
I have suggested several options as a compromise, what else can I do? I have planned vacations before and he never seemed unhappy. I have also been on vacation alone with our child (to see relatives) - he preferred not to go as it seemed too boring to him to spend time around too many kids- I never said a word. I hate that he is indeed guilt tripping me. "You are preventing the kid from having fun". Yeah, right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do whatever you want. Don't come crying when you find out he takes another woman on these trips.

Have you ever actually planned a family trip?

You didn't say if you work or stay at home. If you go on being a party pooper, you really should get a job to be more financially independent.

+1

OP, you sound like a trite selfish nag.

Damn. Pps sound bitter af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, four days before TG, my H suddenly has an idea of driving to Vegas for the holidays. We have no family obligations but have a 3 yo. It is a 10 hour drive even with minimal stops. So this means a day of driving, spending two nights, and another day of driving back.

I tell him I don't feel comfortable with all the driving with only 4 days and a young child; but would be happy to look at closer destinations (we are in CA so there are plenty), And would prefer flying to vegas on some lower season dates, possibly with friends who we could swap childcare with, etc. He accuses me of not wanting to travel, ever, and wants to go by himself. I am ok with this in theory (our relationship is not great so I am ok taking a little break from him, and I honestly don't think he will cheat or gamble on a large scale), but he keeps telling me what I am missing on, etc etc, and it irritates the crap out of me.

I just hate this whole situation; why did he have to put me in it? Or am I just a nag not appreciative of an " adventure" my romantic H suggests? I feel like he just set this whole thing up knowing I would refuse and taking a fun break from family (it's probably not true but still feels totally inconsiderate).
Fwiw, we are both foreigners so don't place as much emphasis on Thanksgiving, but still.

Vegas is NO place for a 3-year-old. Please DON'T be one of those loser families I see out on the stip at 11 pm with their toddlers in tow because they are too selfish to care. I think those parents are beyond rude. It pains me every time to see these poor kids getting dragged around by such loser parents.

[Anonymous]

OP here- to me, there's some stuff to do in Vegas with kids during daytime; but to truly enjoy it I would need a babysitter for the night. I would much rather save a little more and go by plane, do the heli tour of the Grand Canyon, go to a show with just H, etc. it's not like we are kicked out of the country tomorrow and need to see it all before that.