Yet another thanksgiving vent
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Anonymous
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So, four days before TG, my H suddenly has an idea of driving to Vegas for the holidays. We have no family obligations but have a 3 yo. It is a 10 hour drive even with minimal stops. So this means a day of driving, spending two nights, and another day of driving back.
I tell him I don't feel comfortable with all the driving with only 4 days and a young child; but would be happy to look at closer destinations (we are in CA so there are plenty), And would prefer flying to vegas on some lower season dates, possibly with friends who we could swap childcare with, etc. He accuses me of not wanting to travel, ever, and wants to go by himself. I am ok with this in theory (our relationship is not great so I am ok taking a little break from him, and I honestly don't think he will cheat or gamble on a large scale), but he keeps telling me what I am missing on, etc etc, and it irritates the crap out of me. I just hate this whole situation; why did he have to put me in it? Or am I just a nag not appreciative of an " adventure" my romantic H suggests? I feel like he just set this whole thing up knowing I would refuse and taking a fun break from family (it's probably not true but still feels totally inconsiderate). Fwiw, we are both foreigners so don't place as much emphasis on Thanksgiving, but still. |
Anonymous
| What is he proposing you do with a 3 year old in Vegas? Why does he want to go? Is he expecting that you watch the toddler while he gambles? |
Anonymous
| Maybe he has something romantic planned in Vegas to help your relationship. |
Anonymous
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Tell your husband exactly what you wrote in your post.
Vegas out of the blue with a 3 year old? Definitely he's not feeling comfortable in the relationship right now - doesn't know what he wants and has hit on Vegas as a "new" thing. FYI, I am not American either and have done Vegas with a 4 year old. It was great fun just strolling on the Strip and into the hotels seeing the over-the-top lighted decor at night. At that age, they don't understand what the nearly-naked ladies do 
The problem here is the timing and way he suggested it to you - red flag. |
Anonymous
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2 nights/3 days in Vegas is plenty. You are angry because he is spontaneous and wants to spend the long weekend with you?
Will you react the same way if he bought tickets to fly you to Paris? Is it just Vegas the location or do you simply hate spending time with him? |
Anonymous
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If you can do it, go for it. I'd love to have the time, money, and spouse interested in doing something fun like that (granted not thrilled with the 10 hour drive).
Tell him you get to pick the place next time. |
Anonymous
| 2 10-hour drives in 4 days with a 3-year-old would be torture. I would say no just for that reason. But Vegas with a kid could be fun. |
Anonymous
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It sounds like it's a not-well-thought-out attempt on his part to have a nice family vacation.
He's trying. You try too. |
Anonymous
frankly, this is what I thought when I read your message. maybe you should go so you either 1) ruin his plans of a solo wild vacation in Vegas or 2) make him learn the hard way that a 4day trip with a toddler involving 20hours combined driving is not a great idea. |
Anonymous
| Why not tell him that a quick get away is a great idea..but propose some place that is closer. The trip sounds like it could be fine pool, lots of eating choices, things to see..but the drive would be a big turn off to me with a 4 year old. |
Anonymous
| It's a lot more than 10 hours to Vegas from DC. He hasn't thought this through. |
Anonymous
Reading is fundamental. OP said that they live in California. |
Anonymous
| Why do people post on this site from CA? |
Anonymous
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wow, a husband trying to plan a nice little getaway for the family and the your reaction is just a gross lack of gratitude. WOW.
so he may not communicate well or think things all the way through, but you know, you're one half of the relationship and if things aren't going so well, you are partly at fault. what have you done or are doing to make the relationship work? hope it' more than being negative and complaining about his ideas. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
I am not against Vegas per se. I don't like the 10 hour drive. Yes, he will learn the hard way, but I will be tired too- too much for me to just make him "learn". I suggested we did a shorter trip right now- he said no. I suggested we went to Vegas later, by plane, when there is a deal on tickets etc- no, this is not going to happen, as I will sabotage this (he claims). He just wants to see the city and hang out, maybe do a show that is good for kids. I understand and I would be all for it, but not 4 days before the trip and not with a 10 hr drive. I see what posters are saying who think I am the one distancing in the relationship. But I just can't. I said ok to shorter trips before, I didn't particularly enjoy them but thanked him anyway and never showed that. His new idea is a trip 5 hours away on a Friday, spending Saturday there, and driving back on Sunday. He does nit see my arguments that its impossible to see much with a kid in this mode of travel. I feel like I am trapped- I am the marriage breaker unless I agree to his ideas which seem uncomfortable for me. |