I told my husband tonight that I wanted to separate

[Anonymous]

Why is this so complicated? Call a taxi.

You need your OWN car. You need your OWN credit cards. You need your OWN bank account. You need a JOB that can support yourself and your children. You need your OWN place to live.

Hey I want to leave you, um ... I will take the kids, the car, the house and the money... you can have the bills.

What is wrong with some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left our home (DH's name is the only name on the deed), DH changed the locks and I had a locksmith let me in when he was out if town since he denied me access for six months. I packed up a few things and he was, needless to say, infuriated. He called the police and a detective went to my neighbors house to investigate a "felony burglary". They never contacted me though. Yes, he tried to have the mother of his children arrested. I married a real gem.

You did break in right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so complicated? Call a taxi.

You need your OWN car. You need your OWN credit cards. You need your OWN bank account. You need a JOB that can support yourself and your children. You need your OWN place to live.

Hey I want to leave you, um ... I will take the kids, the car, the house and the money... you can have the bills.

What is wrong with some people.

This and Happy Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left our home (DH's name is the only name on the deed), DH changed the locks and I had a locksmith let me in when he was out if town since he denied me access for six months. I packed up a few things and he was, needless to say, infuriated. He called the police and a detective went to my neighbors house to investigate a "felony burglary". They never contacted me though. Yes, he tried to have the mother of his children arrested. I married a real gem.

I'm actually surprised you found a locksmith who did that. Most want proof that it's your home.

BTW, I would have called the police too, if my ex had done that.

Wouldn't a drivers license with home address on it be sufficient proof for a locksmith? I don't think they expect you to produce the deed.

Guess it depends on the state. That could be old, right? You could have been evicted by the owners. We (landlords) evicted and tenant tried to do that. Tsk, tsk. Good thing the locksmith refused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so complicated? Call a taxi.

You need your OWN car. You need your OWN credit cards. You need your OWN bank account. You need a JOB that can support yourself and your children. You need your OWN place to live.

Hey I want to leave you, um ... I will take the kids, the car, the house and the money... you can have the bills.

What is wrong with some people.

This and Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh yea... I forgot that part. Let's just spring this on everybody the day before Thanksgiving. I mean ... who cares about how the kids feel. Wouldn't be awesome if they can associate Thanskgiving with the day mom left the family. That would be fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left our home (DH's name is the only name on the deed), DH changed the locks and I had a locksmith let me in when he was out if town since he denied me access for six months. I packed up a few things and he was, needless to say, infuriated. He called the police and a detective went to my neighbors house to investigate a "felony burglary". They never contacted me though. Yes, he tried to have the mother of his children arrested. I married a real gem.

I'm actually surprised you found a locksmith who did that. Most want proof that it's your home.

BTW, I would have called the police too, if my ex had done that.

It WAS her home. Her husband denied her access to collect her things. They were still married. He was punishing her for leaving by calling the police, withholding her belongings, etc.

I agree that breaking in was probably not the best move, but neither was denying access to her own belongings because she left.

[Anonymous]

Holy shit, you did this right before Thanksgiving? You are evil.

[Anonymous]

fake

[Anonymous]

It WAS her home. Her husband denied her access to collect her things. They were still married. He was punishing her for leaving by calling the police, withholding her belongings, etc.

I agree that breaking in was probably not the best move, but neither was denying access to her own belongings because she left.

It WAS the place she lived. She did not say if it was her home or not. She did not say if they owned or rented. She did not say if her name is on the lease or deed. You don't just get the house because you married a guy. Maybe it is her house and they bought together but that has not been determined.

BTW. When you marry you do not have any right to your H bank account. He can give you access but he does not have to give you access. He does not have to give you any of his money. Now... when you are divorced that is different. You MAY get some of the money. They are not necessarily her belongings either.

But if you have a drivers license with the address you can call the cops and they will escort you into the home and let you get a small bag of items to hold you over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left our home (DH's name is the only name on the deed), DH changed the locks and I had a locksmith let me in when he was out if town since he denied me access for six months. I packed up a few things and he was, needless to say, infuriated. He called the police and a detective went to my neighbors house to investigate a "felony burglary". They never contacted me though. Yes, he tried to have the mother of his children arrested. I married a real gem.

I'm actually surprised you found a locksmith who did that. Most want proof that it's your home.

BTW, I would have called the police too, if my ex had done that.

Me too. No way I would have wanted my ex in the house without me or my rep there with him. He is the type of guy that would sabotage something or plant something out of spite.

The PP left the home and somehow thinks she should have access? Her DH handled it wrong though. I would have packed up her shit for her and had it on the porch - but I would raise holy hell if she came in my house if I were not present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If his name is the only name on the title, you can be charged with auto theft.

This is why when I married I insisted my name be on the house and at least one vehicle.

Really? You anticipated leaving some day and wanted to be sure you wouldn't be accused of theft if you did?

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It WAS her home. Her husband denied her access to collect her things. They were still married. He was punishing her for leaving by calling the police, withholding her belongings, etc.

I agree that breaking in was probably not the best move, but neither was denying access to her own belongings because she left.

It WAS the place she lived. She did not say if it was her home or not. She did not say if they owned or rented. She did not say if her name is on the lease or deed. You don't just get the house because you married a guy. Maybe it is her house and they bought together but that has not been determined.

BTW. When you marry you do not have any right to your H bank account. He can give you access but he does not have to give you access. He does not have to give you any of his money. Now... when you are divorced that is different. You MAY get some of the money. They are not necessarily her belongings either.

But if you have a drivers license with the address you can call the cops and they will escort you into the home and let you get a small bag of items to hold you over.

I don't think this information is accurate.

First of all, it depends on what state you are living in. Maryland and Virginia have very different rules regarding property when married and when divorcing.

OP, this isn't the place to get information on legal issues. You need to consult with a lawyer.

There are so many nuances. For example, if the husband's name is the only name on the deed for the house and the cars and all the bank accounts, but the husband and wife were married for a decade and the wife gave up her job to raise their children, then, no, the husband can't just say "it's all mine b/c my name is on it." There is a process, and this process varies by state. Maryland requires one year of separation before divorce, but that doesn't mean that in my scenario above, the wife would be on her own and destitute, with no access to house or car, for that year.

You need to consult with a lawyer. Again, there are so many nuances.

Personally, though, if I were OP, I wouldn't leave the house. Because even if OP has a right to go back in, it might take time to sort that out in court.

I know it's after the fact, but this is why it is always a good idea to consult an attorney *before* you announce to you want a divorce/separation and the sh*t hits the fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left our home (DH's name is the only name on the deed), DH changed the locks and I had a locksmith let me in when he was out if town since he denied me access for six months. I packed up a few things and he was, needless to say, infuriated. He called the police and a detective went to my neighbors house to investigate a "felony burglary". They never contacted me though. Yes, he tried to have the mother of his children arrested. I married a real gem.

I'm actually surprised you found a locksmith who did that. Most want proof that it's your home.

BTW, I would have called the police too, if my ex had done that.

Me too. No way I would have wanted my ex in the house without me or my rep there with him. He is the type of guy that would sabotage something or plant something out of spite.

The PP left the home and somehow thinks she should have access? Her DH handled it wrong though. I would have packed up her shit for her and had it on the porch - but I would raise holy hell if she came in my house if I were not present.

It doesn't matter if DH's name is the only name on the deed. It all depends on the circumstances. If a married couple rents an apartment, neither owns it, one spouse can't deny another access to their belongings. It doesn't matter if your name is the only name on the deed, when you are married, everything changes. If the wife had lived there for a long time and paid part of the mortgage, then it is likely that would be considered community property. Same is true if the wife were a stay at home mom and provided childcare for the kids. No judge is going to say she has no claim to that asset or to her belongings inside of it.

People need to understand that when you get married, it's no longer "this is mine, that is yours." There are all kinds of grey areas.

It also makes a difference when the property was acquired. Even if the husband's name is the only name on the deed, if they purchased the house while they were married, then I think that makes a difference. Just like separate accounts. It doesn't matter if it's money you put into your own checking account while you're married, if it is money you earned while you were married, then, depending which state you are in, the spouse has some claim to it. In Maryland, even pensions you earn while married are considered community property. It doesn't matter that it's your pension in your name.

This is why so many people should just NOT get married. They don't seem to understand what it means and why it can be such a mess if it doesn't work out.

[Anonymous]

People need to understand that when you get married, it's no longer "this is mine, that is yours." There are all kinds of grey areas.

Sure in your heart it is that way but not in the LAW.

When he is married to you....

NOTHING he earns is yours. You can not get a credit card based on his income. You can not have access to his bank accounts. If you name is not on a legal document you can not claim it as yours.

DIVORCE IS DIFFERENT

You can get a lawyer and show that these assets were acquired during the marriage you can sue for some of this property.

The OP is not divorced... NOTHING is hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

People need to understand that when you get married, it's no longer "this is mine, that is yours." There are all kinds of grey areas.

Sure in your heart it is that way but not in the LAW.

When he is married to you....

NOTHING he earns is yours. You can not get a credit card based on his income. You can not have access to his bank accounts. If you name is not on a legal document you can not claim it as yours.

DIVORCE IS DIFFERENT

You can get a lawyer and show that these assets were acquired during the marriage you can sue for some of this property.

The OP is not divorced... NOTHING is hers.

OP doesn't say what she went to the house to pick up, but at least as far as MY divorce lawyer was concerned, things that were my personal belongings (my clothing, my toiletries, my jewelry - things that were solely used by me in the course of our married - plus gifts given to me expressly by various people - including my ex) were all considered to be my personal property, rather than joint assets. The house was a joint asset. The contents of our kitchen were joint property. Our TV and stereo and PS3 were joint property. When I went back to the house to pack up my stuff, I collected my personal property (clothing, jewelry, some books that were gifts, etc.). The rest we divided in our separation agreement, and it was equal.

My lawyer also informed me that the first house we bought together (for which I was not on the deed for a variety of reasons that made sense at the time) was considered joint property as it was purchased while we were married with marital money. She told me that I was entitled to 50% of the proceeds from the sale of that house, even though my name was not on the deed. The house was in Maryland; we divorced in DC.

It's like you PPs think that the OP is not entitled to go back to her marital home to collect personal property because she left. I agree that it would be reasonable for her STBX to request that she not be alone in the residence (there with cops, with him present, whatever), but it sounds like he has been actively denying her access. I have to wonder what is going on with the PPs that they think that once the OP leaves the home, she doesn't have a right to anything in it.