To the men - I am so sick of being the maid

[Anonymous]

Hire a cleaning service every other week.

Do not do his laundry, grown men do not need somebody doing their laundry.

Give him Wednesday and Friday for dinner.

Stop doing dishes.

One night a week just go out, do errands, workout and make him do night time routine. Once he successfully does that a few times without the judging eyes of the wife he will be able to do it when you are there.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids here?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what advice to give you, because I guess I look at things differently than other women here...I also work FT, same job actually as dh (in a quasi-Fed agency) but I view the basic running of the interior of our home as my terrain. NOT saying I have to DO all of it-but I need to make sure it's running smoothly.

If I needed to hire a cleaning service to accompish that, I would. Or if I had to iron our uniforms (I don't,thankfully) then I'd send them out because I hate ironing. But I'm not going to just not wash his clothes or leave his dishes in the sink.

I have been training my kids and as teens/tweens, they are a huge help. Dh does everything outside and with maintaining our vehicles. He does not resent me because I don't garden (not well, I kill plants) or change oil. I CAN help and do if needed, and so does he, in the house.

What I'm saying is-you've got to manage your household in such a way that it doesn't cause resentments in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

It isn't clear to me why you used the plural of "man" in your subject line.

You have an issue with your lazy husband. Instead of prattling on about it here, why not have a conversation with him?

Few men behave this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't clear to me why you used the plural of "man" in your subject line.

You have an issue with your lazy husband. Instead of prattling on about it here, why not have a conversation with him?

Few men behave this way.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

I tried the "just don't do it" method with my first husband. NOT RECOMMENDED. The house just got gross. He never magically woke up one day and decided to pitch in.

With my second husband, we actually talk about it. That works a lot better, go figure. We have a system: one person cooks, the other person does dishes. One person does the laundry, the other person folds it. There are some things that get done before either of us can go to bed: running the dishwasher, tidying up the living room, taking out the trash/recycling. For us, this works - but I had to hash it out with DH, and it took some trial and error.

We do have a cleaning service come in and someone to mow the lawn when it's warm, and both of these things are way way way worth the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't clear to me why you used plural of "man" in your subject line.

You have an issue with your lazy husband. Instead of prattling on about it here, why not have a conversation with him?

Few men behave this way.

I disagree, most I know do, including my husband.

[Anonymous]

Sexist!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn't clear to me why you used plural of "man" in your subject line.

You have an issue with your lazy husband. Instead of prattling on about it here, why not have a conversation with him?

Few men behave this way.

I disagree, most I know do, including my husband.

You don't know a lot of MEN, including your husband. You know boys. Not our fault if you chose to marry a boy. My husband is a man, and respects me and our house and pulls his fair share. I respect him by doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one ever told me that motherhood would result in me becoming the maid to everyone, including my DH! I'm talking about all the housework and cleaning up after everyone. Kids are still little but I am training them. But DH has found a sweet spot and gotten used to this lifestyle. He makes me feel guilty if I complain. DH works so hard, blah blah blah. I also work hard outside the home but don't make as munch $ as he does. So, we have become stuck in this lifestyle. He gets to decompress from his "hard day" (mine was harder, guaranteed) while I do everything. Same story on the weekends (but he does yard work which I am convinced he actually enjoys). The question is, how do I change this nonsense without destroying my marriage? I think the whole thing is BS for me and I am sick of it. How do I approach my DH with this unfairness?

hey, I feel the same way! STAHM, so boring!!

[Anonymous]

OP, it took me having an affair out of resentment over this issue for my H to do anything. Result: biweekly cleaner, written lists of who does what, me being ruthless in "reminding" him of his chores, refusal to do any of his. I would seriously not have married him if I knew how lazy he was deep inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a man thing. My DH does more around the house than I do.

how the hell lazy are you that your DH does more than you do? Does he work full time and run marathons, too, while you dream away your days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a man thing. My DH does more around the house than I do.

how the hell lazy are you that your DH does more than you do? Does he work full time and run marathons, too, while you dream away your days?

Huh? Why the anger, crazy? We both work full time. I handle all the finances, baby stuff, paperwork etc. He does dishes, cleaning, garbage. Ok by you, psycho?

[Anonymous]

The key is don't complain. Simply tell him it is too much and you will be hiring a housekeeper once a week or once every other week. If he doesn't want to spend money on it, he can help you clean.

Don't complain the second he walks in the door either. Both of you take time to decompress.

But in the end, I agree with the PP who said you only are treated the way you let people treat you.

[Anonymous]

Stop cleaning. After 3-4 months, it doesn't seem to get any dirtier.