To the men - I am so sick of being the maid
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Anonymous
| No one ever told me that motherhood would result in me becoming the maid to everyone, including my DH! I'm talking about all the housework and cleaning up after everyone. Kids are still little but I am training them. But DH has found a sweet spot and gotten used to this lifestyle. He makes me feel guilty if I complain. DH works so hard, blah blah blah. I also work hard outside the home but don't make as munch $ as he does. So, we have become stuck in this lifestyle. He gets to decompress from his "hard day" (mine was harder, guaranteed) while I do everything. Same story on the weekends (but he does yard work which I am convinced he actually enjoys). The question is, how do I change this nonsense without destroying my marriage? I think the whole thing is BS for me and I am sick of it. How do I approach my DH with this unfairness? |
Anonymous
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Working under the idea that you want to save the marriage, besides all the good advice on how to talk to him that future PPs are going to provide, here are two non-mainstream ideas:
One option is you becoming a SAHM. I'm not joking. (you may not want to do that, of course, but just saying if that's a possibility and you would like to consider it). It would free you up to pick up all his crap, since he thinks his job is so important and he works so hard that he's entitled to have full service when he gets home. Fine, then let him work hard and be important. But at least you won't be shouldering a job and all this BS. (And yes he enjoys the yard work.) Another option is to get a housecleaning service or a housekeeper. Just outsource all the crap and then you can spend quality time with DH and the kids. I know more than a few people who do this, some dual-income couples, and some wives are SAHMs and that frees them up (some to be fabulously involved with their kids, like girl scout troop leaders etc, and some to be very involved with themselves and their beauty needs--but neither group is picking dirty socks off the floor) |
Anonymous
| How would you like it to be, OP? |
Anonymous
|
we had this problem. I gave him the laundry ALL of it for sat morning (he already had the yard work which he does enjoy too) and I do the rest which is okay with me b/c I do it my way.
sure, now he thinks he's the best husband ever, but i deal with that annoyance since he does actually do that task now and I am free of a large thing. find one other thing non negotiable, like he has to put his dishes in the dishwasher when done. men are not good at multi-tasking or being told what to do, but if you set one expectation or task, they can be trained to do and follow it. it's the only thing that works for us. tell him you just can't keep up anymore and NEED his help. his other option is to help pay for a maid, outsourcing etc. also, I'm just being honest here, there was a sex component. if he's getting a little more, he's happier to "help" out and less tired etc... works for me and I find less stress for me makes me enjoy the saturday morning laundry sex as well 
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Anonymous
| Save your sanity and your marriage. Get a housecleaning service that comes either monthly or semi-monthly. With a 2-income household, it is so helpful and will save your marriage. |
Anonymous
| If you can afford it get a maid, but also tell him he needs to do either x, x or y and make sure he does it. Tell him it's bad for your marriage for you to be resentful. |
Anonymous
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Reading posts like yours really pisses me off. So many men - not all, but it seems more men than women - have mastered the art of taking advantage of their spouse, doing the bare minimum knowing that their spouse will pick up the slack and they can reap the benefits without putting in the work. It's freeloading, pure and simple.
I don't know what to tell you OP. I highly suggest that you NOT become a SAHM to solve this problem because I don't think it will. It will probably only make it worse, and what little your DH is now doing he will feel like he can dump it on you since you are home all day, and you will resent him more. I think the housecleaning service suggestion is a good one. Is there anything that is important to him that you can just stop doing? |
Anonymous
Like passive aggressive? |
Anonymous
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Hire a maid. Seriously. Problem solved.
or... Just stop doing things you don't like. So what if the house gets to be a mess, that won't kill you. If you or hubby can't stand it, go and hire a maid. Sometimes the answer to our seemingly vexing problems is so obvious, yet we don't see it. |
Anonymous
| When I couldn't do it all I just quit doing it. |
Anonymous
Sure. That's why most kids have divorced parents. |
Anonymous
| Not a man thing. My DH does more around the house than I do. |
Anonymous
| People will only treat you in the manner you let them. |
Anonymous
| I was tired of doing all the laundry for DH and ironing, as well (I work full time). So I stopped doing it. A grown man can do his own laundry - DH does his laundry now and it's a non issue. |
Anonymous
+1 |