friends & family in absentia: the aftermath

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 years is enough. Move forward and look to the future instead of the past.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The friends have paid for a Party every year for the last five years???

And they are the selfish ones? I'm the PP from above who has also had cancer and I can't imagine a scenario where I'd think my family and friends were selfish because they stopped throwing me an annual "Yea! You don't have cancer party." It's so ludicrous I almost think this could be a troll post. Are you throwing similar annual parties for other people in the group to celebrate their triumphs over serious issues they may have had in the past five years? Cancer sucks -- my road back was very hard -- but lots of other things suck too. Why are you giving this one so much weight and expecting everyone to follow suit (and pay for it, no less). If your DH is really struggling to understand this, he might need some professional help putting his cancer experience into perspective.

[Anonymous]

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving aside the friends and appropriateness of a party issue--if you want to do something nice for your DH I would plan a nice weekend away for the two of you.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

You plan the party if you want one for your husband OP. That's what you do.

There are probably a lot of other dynamics here between the family/friends, from outliving a scary diagnosis, from party/impending death fatigue, from growing expectations and assumptions, from the burden of long term care/party planning/etc..., but the bottom line doesn't change.

If you want your DH to have a party then you throw it.

If you don't want to throw a party then do something else.

It is no one else's responsibility to provide the parties for you and your husband. Perhaps they've been generous to do it in the past but if you build your life on these kind of expectations you will always be let down.

Plan what you want and don't waste your energy on expecting anyone else to do it for you.

[Anonymous]

What is the matter with you people? I've asked to leave out the issue of the friends, but how to console my DH. I knew you all wouldn't get it. I am not about to write a novel so you can understand. Let me make it simple:

selfish friends (trust me, sounds difficult, I understand, but trust me) abandoning my DH (he looks forward to this every year). How should I console my DH?

Did I ask how to deal with the friends? NO!!!

Idiots stop posting.

[Anonymous]

plus he is still terminally ill...
cancer free but terminally ill from the cancer. Okay?

[Anonymous]

You console him by throwing the party yourself and inviting whomever you want to invite.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good idea. Simple with the same meaning to it.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

start a new tradition with just you and your dh. plan a big trip or a weekend away or a special date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, the went above and beyond and then you kept expecting it.
Why do you need a public party???? Do you love attention????
I would have declined the party in the first place, so would hubby.

You obviously love attention.

FOR REAL DOH!

[Anonymous]

TROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the matter with you people? I've asked to leave out the issue of the friends, but how to console my DH. I knew you all wouldn't get it. I am not about to write a novel so you can understand. Let me make it simple:

selfish friends (trust me, sounds difficult, I understand, but trust me) abandoning my DH (he looks forward to this every year). How should I console my DH?
Did I ask how to deal with the friends? NO!!!

Idiots stop posting.

A) Throw the party yourself.

B) Say, "Honey, I know you love the party, but it's reached it's natural endpoint. How about we go to dinner instead." What you do NOT do is "console" him by making it seem that they are the unreasonable ones for bnot doing this every year. It likely won't be happening again in the future, and you may as well get that message across now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go quiet and intimate. Nothing says "I'm so glad you don't have cancer anymore" like a blowjob.

You are my favorite poster ever. Forever. Until the end of time. I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the matter with you people? I've asked to leave out the issue of the friends, but how to console my DH. I knew you all wouldn't get it. I am not about to write a novel so you can understand. Let me make it simple:

selfish friends (trust me, sounds difficult, I understand, but trust me) abandoning my DH (he looks forward to this every year). How should I console my DH?

Did I ask how to deal with the friends? NO!!!

Idiots stop posting.

We are not paid service, and will comment and not comment whatever on whatever we please. If you don't like it, you shouldn't come here.

Both you and your husband are very immature if this affects you so much. It's time to move on.