friends & family in absentia: the aftermath
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Anonymous
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I'm going to get to the point: Friends and family promised to throw a party for my DH for his anniversary of being free of cancer, a tradition we have had for several years now. All have had some last minute excuse that they can't make it. I don't need advice on how to deal with how terrible it is that they are doing this, because I don't believe their excuses. DH is a wonderful person to them, so I know its not him. I learned over the years that unfortunately his friends and especially his family are selfish people. It sucks, because, I suppose one can say he is the black sheep as he is so loving and giving.
My question is how I can deal with my DH. I feel terrible for him. He deserves so much more. I welcome any advice on what I can do without the "friends and family." |
Anonymous
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You've thrown the party for several years and they all showed up?
Obvious question is what changed this year? |
Anonymous
| Go quiet and intimate. Nothing says "I'm so glad you don't have cancer anymore" like a blowjob. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Yes. And, though I fully understand that there are two sides to every story, I am well liked by his family and friends, so I know it is not me. True they are not 100% selfish, but suffice to say, they are self-centered. Ughhh...what gives?
Besides them not showing up this year, I know that their lives have gotten a bit busier. But I know its not *that* busy not to make it. FYI, they made the party not me, it has always been like that. |
Anonymous
| Dig deeper. How many years out is he? How many parties have been thrown? Did something happen at last years party? Who pays for the party? |
Anonymous
| How many years have you had this party? Maybe it's getting old to celebrate it over and over? I'm a cancer survivor myself so get the impulse to celebrate milestones of one year or five or even ten, but I wouldn't expect anyone other than my spouse and possibly my parents to even acknowledge it annually, let alone have a party. |
Anonymous
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they pay for it, and it has been going on for the last 5 years. the point is however, is how to approach my DH.
Forgive me, but I knew there would be a lot of intrigue about the family and friends. Please cast aside your doubts on this one....they are nice to throw the party, but they are also very selfish in many ways to which it would be a topic for another forum. The real person I want to help is my DH. |
Anonymous
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Maybe the party kind of had to end at some point. Five years of a big party celebrating being cancer free, now maybe time to transition to something that is a smaller or quieter celebration.
When did they promise? When did they decide not to? What were their reasons? The timelines isn't clear. Was it all planned and then suddenly they just said it wasn't happening? If it is really important to you, why don't you plan the party for this year. |
Anonymous
| The friends have paid for a Party every year for the last five years??? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Frankly, it sounds like you are very fortunate to have had friends and family plan a party like this for so long. I can think of no other event where other adults plan an annual party for an adult (birthdays, anniversaries are usually only large parties for milestone years). Be grateful for what you have had, and plan to celebrate the milestone just you and DH this year.
It's ok for the friends to be busier and not to do this--it doesn't make them less your friends. Have you and DH reciprocated support for other big issues in their lives? |
Anonymous
| 5 years is enough. Move forward and look to the future instead of the past. |
Anonymous
+1. It is wonderful that your husband has remained cancer-free and it's definitely something to celebrate! But you go on about the selfishness and self-centeredness of these family and friends. If they were truly that bad, they wouldn't have thrown him a party for several years...right? Please start with giving them some credit - you seem to be overlooking this. |
Anonymous
| Leaving aside the friends and appropriateness of a party issue--if you want to do something nice for your DH I would plan a nice weekend away for the two of you. |
Anonymous
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Seriously, the went above and beyond and then you kept expecting it.
Why do you need a public party???? Do you love attention???? I would have declined the party in the first place, so would hubby. You obviously love attention. |