Are you friends with your mother?

[Anonymous]

No, I wish that I could be. I talk with her regularly but she doesn't have the emotional capacity for a deep relationship. It's scary how I see myself repeating the same negative cycles she has fallen into.

[Anonymous]

This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I talk to my mom every day and see her almost once a week. She had a terrible relationship with her own mother , so I'm grateful that we can be close. She's not perfect (who is?) and I had to let go some of the things she says that annoy me, I'm sure she's done the same about me. We had rough patches during bigger transitions of my life (when I went off to college, when I got married, had my first kid) where our communication + combined fears of change were not jiving, but yes...we are close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?

Well, we all have things we wonder about. For instance, at the moment, I'm wondering if you're intentionally or un-intentionally mean. But that's my burden in life for the next two seconds or so until I press "submit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although my mom and I fought a lot during the high school years, I am very close to her now and talk to her every day. She is the first person I confide anything to.

This is like my relationship with my mom. She's getting up in years now though, and I value every day I have/ time I spend with her.

This. Relationships change with your parents as they get older. When I got that dreaded phone call one night that my mother had died, I was overcome with grief. What flashed in my head immediately were all those horrific things I said to her when I was a teenager. They all came back to haunt me. And, now that I have my own DD, I think constantly about all the things I am missing out on with her now that she's passed - not meeting my DH, not getting to hold her grandchild, not getting to talk to her about my own childhood in detail, etc. Don't waste time (it's too precious) with petty differences or stupid stuff. Life's too short.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we are on the same wavelength. We don't talk but once a week however we really get along. I don't know anyone like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?

And cue the complaining from the 50+ women who were terrible mothers, but want more from their kids now. Please go back to the 50 and over forum. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?

Yeah, 'cause saying the truth is a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

My mom is my best friend apart from my DH. I call her and she calls me almost daily. She was a single mom when I was growing up so maybe that has something to do with our relationship. We did fight a TON when I was in middle school and high school though and we both said some pretty horrible things. Slowly though, she learned to let up a little and I learned that even though she's my mom she isn't perfect and still makes mistakes. While we still don't agree on everything, she has ALWAYS been there for me and I love her very much for that.

OP, she didn't have that great of a relationship with her mother and they still have issues, but I do not think that has changed the relationship we share at all.

[Anonymous]

10/20/2013 09:16 Subject: Are you friends with your mother?
Anonymous



Anonymous wrote:
This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?


Well, we all have things we wonder about. For instance, at the moment, I'm wondering if you're intentionally or un-intentionally mean. But that's my burden in life for the next two seconds or so until I press "submit."

No. I have just seen this situation played out too many time. Thus, I worked to change my relationship with my own mother recognizing that is the "reality" that my kids will see as the way to treat their parents. It really is that simple.

We all think that we are such great parents and hopefully we are better parents than our parents were, but the reality is that our kids will find fault in the things that we do. Times will change, parenting will change, expectations will change and they will indeed judge us. I think it is better to model forgiveness and understanding than hatred and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

At this point, there's probably not much I can do about the relationship with my own mother but quite frankly, I'm terrified that I'll end up having the same issues with my daughter.

Children learn what they live. You need to model closeness with your mom if you want closeness with your daughter. Make an effort to change your relationship with your mother and your daughter will see this behavior as the norm.

Oh, what a load of shit. My mom was a neglectful, mean, manipulative person and we're not close at all. There is a reason we are not close! When my children grow, I hope we will always remain close because of the bond we forged with them, because I paid attention to them and spent time with them and showed my love and care every single day in a way that my mother did not bother to do. I don't see them learning to be close to me because I force myself to endure my mother more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

10/20/2013 09:16 Subject: Are you friends with your mother?
Anonymous



Anonymous wrote:
This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?


Well, we all have things we wonder about. For instance, at the moment, I'm wondering if you're intentionally or un-intentionally mean. But that's my burden in life for the next two seconds or so until I press "submit."

No. I have just seen this situation played out too many time. Thus, I worked to change my relationship with my own mother recognizing that is the "reality" that my kids will see as the way to treat their parents. It really is that simple.

We all think that we are such great parents and hopefully we are better parents than our parents were, but the reality is that our kids will find fault in the things that we do. Times will change, parenting will change, expectations will change and they will indeed judge us. I think it is better to model forgiveness and understanding than hatred and judgment.

What a buffoon you are. My mother did not pay any attention to me, did not care for me. I was kicked out of the house at a very young age. When she did pay attention it was to hurt me, physically or emotionally. She beat me, burned me with her cigarettes. She never washed my clothes, kissed a skinned knee, or held my hand to cross a street. She never worked, but rather spent her time at bars, playing bingo, or otherwise out with her "friends." She had a parade of men through the house at all times, and some of them molested me.

Tell me again how I should work to change my relationship with my mother so that my kids will treat me the way I treat her? And how it "really is that simple?" To the PP, I think we have the answer: intentionally mean. But hey, maybe she was an abusive mom and feels like if she models loving kindness to her OWN abusive mom, all will be forgiven by her own kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?

I'm the person who hasn't interacted with her mother since high school. Yes, it is very, very sad. My daughter is only two, but I am already raising her very differently than my mother did with me, and look forward to having a good relationship with her and becoming friends with her when she is no longer a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so very, very sad. I wonder how you will all feel some day when your kids are treating and saying the same things about you?

Not the OP, but if my mom is not respectful of me (and was borderline abusive when I was growing up), why would I want to be close to her? Have some compassion for people who's circumstances are different than your own.

[Anonymous]

We all think that we are such great parents and hopefully we are better parents than our parents were, but the reality is that our kids will find fault in the things that we do. Times will change, parenting will change, expectations will change and they will indeed judge us. I think it is better to model forgiveness and understanding than hatred and judgment.

+1