Help me decide what to do?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want her to deposit money for you in an account so that you don't have to see her at all? Is that what you're asking? If so I don't think that's going to work. You're going to have to suck it up and see her every once in awhile if you want to take her money.

Yup this. You either see her and get money, or you don't and figure it out on your own. Additionally to ask her to deposit money to pay for school is beyond ridiculous. And that is where I'll stop since I'm trying to be nice here.

So what would you do in my shoes....sit around and keep dealing with emotional abuse....I'm trying to prevent this from going further while still being respectful.

I'd take a semester off from school and get some work. I'd move. I'd do whatever it took. But no, I wouldn't take advantage of my grandmother. You are so beyond immature it isn't even funny.

Look just because you're some snotty SAHM gives you no right to judge me. I don't have a rich cooperate husband to support me. Or parents that can cosign for me and pay my every expense. My life was never handed to me but I try to make my way. Three months ago I was working two steady jobs, 7 days a week and in school to support myself and now I can't. I was the one lending my family money because I was the only one with a full-time job. I'm trying my best but I need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want her to deposit money for you in an account so that you don't have to see her at all? Is that what you're asking? If so I don't think that's going to work. You're going to have to suck it up and see her every once in awhile if you want to take her money.

Yup this. You either see her and get money, or you don't and figure it out on your own. Additionally to ask her to deposit money to pay for school is beyond ridiculous. And that is where I'll stop since I'm trying to be nice here.

So what would you do in my shoes....sit around and keep dealing with emotional abuse....I'm trying to prevent this from going further while still being respectful.

I'd take a semester off from school and get some work. I'd move. I'd do whatever it took. But no, I wouldn't take advantage of my grandmother. You are so beyond immature it isn't even funny.

+1 Yup, it's time to grow up and make it on your own. It sucks to be responsible, but that is part of becoming mature and a productive person in society.

This is also a good lesson in teaching yourself not to ask favors or money from people who you feel are abusing you. If someone is abusive, you should not want their money.

And PP means true abuse. Not giving the money directly to the landlord to make sure it goes to rent. Or wanting to see how you are using your money. Sounds like you've done something in your past to make her distrust you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want her to deposit money for you in an account so that you don't have to see her at all? Is that what you're asking? If so I don't think that's going to work. You're going to have to suck it up and see her every once in awhile if you want to take her money.

Yup this. You either see her and get money, or you don't and figure it out on your own. Additionally to ask her to deposit money to pay for school is beyond ridiculous. And that is where I'll stop since I'm trying to be nice here.

So what would you do in my shoes....sit around and keep dealing with emotional abuse....I'm trying to prevent this from going further while still being respectful.

I'd take a semester off from school and get some work. I'd move. I'd do whatever it took. But no, I wouldn't take advantage of my grandmother. You are so beyond immature it isn't even funny.

Look just because you're some snotty SAHM gives you no right to judge me. I don't have a rich cooperate husband to support me. Or parents that can cosign for me and pay my every expense. My life was never handed to me but I try to make my way. Three months ago I was working two steady jobs, 7 days a week and in school to support myself and now I can't. I was the one lending my family money because I was the only one with a full-time job. I'm trying my best but I need help.

Um, I'm an RN sooo not sure what you're getting at with your post. Take a semester off school and figure out a way to make it work. Otherwise I think you have to compromise with your grandmother. Maybe see her once or twice a month. But yeah, if she is giving you money she has the right to make sure you are using it as she sees fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want her to deposit money for you in an account so that you don't have to see her at all? Is that what you're asking? If so I don't think that's going to work. You're going to have to suck it up and see her every once in awhile if you want to take her money.

Yup this. You either see her and get money, or you don't and figure it out on your own. Additionally to ask her to deposit money to pay for school is beyond ridiculous. And that is where I'll stop since I'm trying to be nice here.

So what would you do in my shoes....sit around and keep dealing with emotional abuse....I'm trying to prevent this from going further while still being respectful.

I'd take a semester off from school and get some work. I'd move. I'd do whatever it took. But no, I wouldn't take advantage of my grandmother. You are so beyond immature it isn't even funny.

+1 Yup, it's time to grow up and make it on your own. It sucks to be responsible, but that is part of becoming mature and a productive person in society.

This is also a good lesson in teaching yourself not to ask favors or money from people who you feel are abusing you. If someone is abusive, you should not want their money.

And PP means true abuse. Not giving the money directly to the landlord to make sure it goes to rent. Or wanting to see how you are using your money. Sounds like you've done something in your past to make her distrust you.

I have never don't anything. To make her distrust me....I always pay my bills and don't anyone money except the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want her to deposit money for you in an account so that you don't have to see her at all? Is that what you're asking? If so I don't think that's going to work. You're going to have to suck it up and see her every once in awhile if you want to take her money.

Yup this. You either see her and get money, or you don't and figure it out on your own. Additionally to ask her to deposit money to pay for school is beyond ridiculous. And that is where I'll stop since I'm trying to be nice here.

So what would you do in my shoes....sit around and keep dealing with emotional abuse....I'm trying to prevent this from going further while still being respectful.

I'd take a semester off from school and get some work. I'd move. I'd do whatever it took. But no, I wouldn't take advantage of my grandmother. You are so beyond immature it isn't even funny.

Look just because you're some snotty SAHM gives you no right to judge me. I don't have a rich cooperate husband to support me. Or parents that can cosign for me and pay my every expense. My life was never handed to me but I try to make my way. Three months ago I was working two steady jobs, 7 days a week and in school to support myself and now I can't. I was the one lending my family money because I was the only one with a full-time job. I'm trying my best but I need help.

Um, I'm an RN sooo not sure what you're getting at with your post. Take a semester off school and figure out a way to make it work. Otherwise I think you have to compromise with your grandmother. Maybe see her once or twice a month. But yeah, if she is giving you money she has the right to make sure you are using it as she sees fit.

I'm enrolled in school until next year and dropping out at this point means losing all the money we paided for classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want her to deposit money for you in an account so that you don't have to see her at all? Is that what you're asking? If so I don't think that's going to work. You're going to have to suck it up and see her every once in awhile if you want to take her money.

Yup this. You either see her and get money, or you don't and figure it out on your own. Additionally to ask her to deposit money to pay for school is beyond ridiculous. And that is where I'll stop since I'm trying to be nice here.

So what would you do in my shoes....sit around and keep dealing with emotional abuse....I'm trying to prevent this from going further while still being respectful.

I'd take a semester off from school and get some work. I'd move. I'd do whatever it took. But no, I wouldn't take advantage of my grandmother. You are so beyond immature it isn't even funny.

Look just because you're some snotty SAHM gives you no right to judge me. I don't have a rich cooperate husband to support me. Or parents that can cosign for me and pay my every expense. My life was never handed to me but I try to make my way. Three months ago I was working two steady jobs, 7 days a week and in school to support myself and now I can't. I was the one lending my family money because I was the only one with a full-time job. I'm trying my best but I need help.

Um, I'm an RN sooo not sure what you're getting at with your post. Take a semester off school and figure out a way to make it work. Otherwise I think you have to compromise with your grandmother. Maybe see her once or twice a month. But yeah, if she is giving you money she has the right to make sure you are using it as she sees fit.

I'm enrolled in school until next year and dropping out at this point means losing all the money we paided for classes.

Then you HAVE TO DEAL with your grandmother. Listen, you asked for advice. You asked if it was a good idea to ask granny to deposit HER money in the bank for you so you don't have to see her. Everyone is telling you this is not going to work. It may even backfire completely and your grandmother will stop helping you at all. That is the advice you are getting so either take it or leave it. It is rare that there is this sort of consensus on DCUM so this is probably pretty good advice.

[Anonymous]

RN here. Have you talked to your academic adviser? They may be able to put you in touch with scholarships and resources to use. When I was in nursing school, one of my classmates wound up homeless and the school was able to help direct her to places for help. And look, no one is saying you can't get money from your grandmother. You asked for input and people are saying that they don't think it is ok to ask for the money to be directly deposited as well as asking for additional money to pay for school without ever seeing your grandmother. This is why a lot of people don't like to borrow from family members. There are usually strings attached. In your grandmother's case, she wants to see you and she wants to make sure her money is going to where it is supposed to (like paying your landlord directly). People are basically saying you have two options. 1. Accept that these are your grandmother's terms and deal with them or 2. Find other means to pay for rent and school and living expenses. d

[Anonymous]

I just want to thank everyone for there advice.... even though it's not what I want to hear I will try to ho about it the best way possible. I'm just tired of struggling and dealing with emotional abuse to get help. If killing myself wouldn't send me to he'll I would do it because I'm sociopolitical tired.....Anyways Goodnight

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the typos I'm on my phone

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP to start with your school Financial aid, your advisor...there have got to be resources out there. Even if it means loans you pay off later...getting through school will help you in the long run, and I'd do everything you can to make it through.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want her to deposit money for you in an account so that you don't have to see her at all? Is that what you're asking? If so I don't think that's going to work. You're going to have to suck it up and see her every once in awhile if you want to take her money.

Yup this. You either see her and get money, or you don't and figure it out on your own. Additionally to ask her to deposit money to pay for school is beyond ridiculous. And that is where I'll stop since I'm trying to be nice here.

So what would you do in my shoes....sit around and keep dealing with emotional abuse....I'm trying to prevent this from going further while still being respectful.

I'd take a semester off from school and get some work. I'd move. I'd do whatever it took. But no, I wouldn't take advantage of my grandmother. You are so beyond immature it isn't even funny.

Look just because you're some snotty SAHM gives you no right to judge me. I don't have a rich cooperate husband to support me. Or parents that can cosign for me and pay my every expense. My life was never handed to me but I try to make my way. Three months ago I was working two steady jobs, 7 days a week and in school to support myself and now I can't. I was the one lending my family money because I was the only one with a full-time job. I'm trying my best but I need help.

Um, I'm an RN sooo not sure what you're getting at with your post. Take a semester off school and figure out a way to make it work. Otherwise I think you have to compromise with your grandmother. Maybe see her once or twice a month. But yeah, if she is giving you money she has the right to make sure you are using it as she sees fit.

I'm enrolled in school until next year and dropping out at this point means losing all the money we paided for classes.

Then you HAVE TO DEAL with your grandmother. Listen, you asked for advice. You asked if it was a good idea to ask granny to deposit HER money in the bank for you so you don't have to see her. Everyone is telling you this is not going to work. It may even backfire completely and your grandmother will stop helping you at all. That is the advice you are getting so either take it or leave it. It is rare that there is this sort of consensus on DCUM so this is probably pretty good advice.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, your school might also be able to help you find someone who is looking for a roommate, or even for a room in a group house. You could also look on craigslist for those types of housing situations. Other than that, your choice is to suck it up and figure out a way to keep your grandma from getting under your skin while you save like crazy to move.

[Anonymous]

..."start with your school Financial aid, your advisor...there have got to be resources out there. Even if it means loans you pay off later"

++

[Anonymous]

Op you are spoiled. No one in my family gave me cent when I was in my 20s. Your grandmother is not your servant, she doesn't have to give you money and she doesn't have to do what you tell her to do with her money. It sounds like she has some concerns about just handing you a check. Maybe she wants to see you, maybe she wants to keep in touch and make sure you are okay, maybe she wants to be sure that her money only goes to the landlord and to tuition.

If you don't want your landlord knowing about your finances - then pay your rent yourself. You sounds incredibly ungrateful, entitled and obnoxious. If I was in your family I wouldn't trust you with money either, based on what you have written here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't give me the money....I give her what I have and she writes the check and gives it to my landlord which is also far more involvement then I wanted her to have. Whenever I try to have her step back and do things myself she always becomes to invasive and steps ion and controls and gets mad when things don't go exactly her way which causes conflicts. I never wanted my landlord to even know she's helping me with my rent and now every little thing she's involved....

If she's supplying the money, she has a right to be involved. Sorry, that is how it works. Sounds like you just want to take advantage of your grandmother. You're going to make a great nurse

Look, I'm not taking advantage of her. At any times I give her and the rest of my family what I can but since I lost my full time job I can't....Since the age of 16 I've always been willing to get up off my ass and work. While me and my grandmother have our differences this is why she helps me also because I have no one else. She knows in a heartbeat I'm willing to work 3+ jobs to make ends meet but this time around I can't find anything.

I wish you would take your negative ass off my post because you know nothing of what you're talking about.

Dear OP:

Please ignore the nasty posters. That may be your weakness, actually--letting what people say offhand really affect you. If you let these anonymous fools who populate a forum that is known for saying things like, "Divorce him, it's hopeless," "He should divorce you, you're hopeless," or (I really like this one) "Well, that doesn't happen to me, because I'm not a moron like you," then I can begin to wonder how stray, irritated comments from your old granny would affect you.

I feel for our situation. When I was your age, the economy was doing so much better. A 23 year old, healthy young adult with a work ethic could find full-time work, and make ends meet. It would be a small apartment and you wouldn't have a booze budget, but hey! those jobs that let you get by without family or outside help were there to be had.

Those days are gone. Kids are living with their parents, and getting subsidized out of desperation. The PP's who have no sympathy for you are shitbags, IMO.

Tough times toughen you up. A good start is to develop a thicker skin and not let what your granny says bother you too much. Just smile and let it run down your shoulders. I mean, some women are trapped in abusive marriages where they get *physically beat up* for the same reasons you state--financial support that they need. Thank your stars that your supporter only says unkind things, and isn't a 200 pound man who gives you black eyes and breaks fingers in exchange for money.

So, take granny's shit, develop a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem no matter what she says ("granny says I'm an unemployed loser, but what does she know, I'll finish this degree and find a great job, and then I'll show her!"), get that nursing degree, and start making bank! You will look back on these desperate days and laugh and glad you pulled through.

Don't drop out. Assholes who say you should probably are the type of people who would be joyful if further calamity happened upon you.

Be nice to granny, suck up to her, tell her you WILL be a success, get as much money out of her as you possibly can and invest it in your education (what does she need it for anyway), finish that nursing degree, get a good job, keep your legs closed and stay away from loser guys, and then pay back granny (with interest) and take care of her when her eyesight eventually fails and she breaks her hip or something.

Got it?