Today I forgave my husband for cheating on me...AMA

[Anonymous]

If you forgave him, don't bring it up again without reason. Or it just tells him you didn't forgive him.

TBH, I would have divorced him, but anyway, if you want to stay together, don't hold it over his head. Give him the chance to rebuild your trust.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. Have now been married almost 20 years since the affair. We have a better marriage now than we did before. No regrets.

Best wishes to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eek OP!! I may be in the minority here, but I cannot fathom why a woman would stay w/a man who penetrated another woman. I could never EVER forgive someone who would erode my trust in him on a whim like that. Basically you are now going to have her sloppy seconds as well. Yuck!!

I am sorry if I sound harsh and/or judgmental, but as women, we need to be strong and stand against men who disrespect us like this. If a man was ever untrue to me, he would be history. I wouldn't take him back at all. I have too much love + respect for myself to live my life settling for less than I deserve.

OP, please re-consider what you are doing.
Have you really forgiven him?

How long have you been married and do you have children? Your reply is pretty naive about the reality of infidelity and the nature of long term commitment.

Sorry, but this is just a sorry excuse to me.

Just because someone has small children doesn't give her husband a free pass to cheat on her. And just because someone thinks she shouldn't stay doesn't mean they do not value long term commitment.

Infidelity in a marriage is a very very serious issue everyone. For a person to share his or her body in the same loving manner that is supposed to be reserved for his or her spouse is just morally wrong. I have heard the "it just happened" excuse many a times. How does a penis just slip into someone's vagina??! Or how women have to stay w/a cheating man because they have children? Since when?? We have family courts and while it is sad when families break up, it is even sadder for children to be raised in homes where one parent has been emotionally disgraced to the core.

I cannot believe someone is being criticized and judged for believing that a woman should divorce her husband because he cheated.

I say, never settle for less than you know you are worth.
And OP, deep down in your heart and soul dear, you absolutely know your worth. It is much higher than you are giving yourself credit for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eek OP!! I may be in the minority here, but I cannot fathom why a woman would stay w/a man who penetrated another woman. I could never EVER forgive someone who would erode my trust in him on a whim like that. Basically you are now going to have her sloppy seconds as well. Yuck!!

I am sorry if I sound harsh and/or judgmental, but as women, we need to be strong and stand against men who disrespect us like this. If a man was ever untrue to me, he would be history. I wouldn't take him back at all. I have too much love + respect for myself to live my life settling for less than I deserve.

OP, please re-consider what you are doing.
Have you really forgiven him?

How long have you been married and do you have children? Your reply is pretty naive about the reality of infidelity and the nature of long term commitment.

Sorry, but this is just a sorry excuse to me.

Just because someone has small children doesn't give her husband a free pass to cheat on her. And just because someone thinks she shouldn't stay doesn't mean they do not value long term commitment.

Infidelity in a marriage is a very very serious issue everyone. For a person to share his or her body in the same loving manner that is supposed to be reserved for his or her spouse is just morally wrong. I have heard the "it just happened" excuse many a times. How does a penis just slip into someone's vagina??! Or how women have to stay w/a cheating man because they have children? Since when?? We have family courts and while it is sad when families break up, it is even sadder for children to be raised in homes where one parent has been emotionally disgraced to the core.

I cannot believe someone is being criticized and judged for believing that a woman should divorce her husband because he cheated.

I say, never settle for less than you know you are worth.
And OP, deep down in your heart and soul dear, you absolutely know your worth. It is much higher than you are giving yourself credit for.

Agreed. How about the husband valuing the marriage vows, family unit, trust his wife has in him? He violated those things when he cheated- why does the wife bear the burden of forgiveness, or 'saving' the marriage or not? HE VIOLATED the marriage. NONE of this is about the wife. The marriage fails because of HIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eek OP!! I may be in the minority here, but I cannot fathom why a woman would stay w/a man who penetrated another woman. I could never EVER forgive someone who would erode my trust in him on a whim like that. Basically you are now going to have her sloppy seconds as well. Yuck!!

I am sorry if I sound harsh and/or judgmental, but as women, we need to be strong and stand against men who disrespect us like this. If a man was ever untrue to me, he would be history. I wouldn't take him back at all. I have too much love + respect for myself to live my life settling for less than I deserve.

OP, please re-consider what you are doing.
Have you really forgiven him?

How long have you been married and do you have children? Your reply is pretty naive about the reality of infidelity and the nature of long term commitment.

Sorry, but this is just a sorry excuse to me.

Just because someone has small children doesn't give her husband a free pass to cheat on her. And just because someone thinks she shouldn't stay doesn't mean they do not value long term commitment.

Infidelity in a marriage is a very very serious issue everyone. For a person to share his or her body in the same loving manner that is supposed to be reserved for his or her spouse is just morally wrong. I have heard the "it just happened" excuse many a times. How does a penis just slip into someone's vagina??! Or how women have to stay w/a cheating man because they have children? Since when?? We have family courts and while it is sad when families break up, it is even sadder for children to be raised in homes where one parent has been emotionally disgraced to the core.

I cannot believe someone is being criticized and judged for believing that a woman should divorce her husband because he cheated.

I say, never settle for less than you know you are worth.
And OP, deep down in your heart and soul dear, you absolutely know your worth. It is much higher than you are giving yourself credit for.

Agreed. How about the husband valuing the marriage vows, family unit, trust his wife has in him? He violated those things when he cheated- why does the wife bear the burden of forgiveness, or 'saving' the marriage or not? HE VIOLATED the marriage. NONE of this is about the wife. The marriage fails because of HIM.

Also, would cheated-on wives like to explain to their daughters why it's okay for a man to disrespect them, and why they should do nothing?

[Anonymous]

No one said it is okay to disrespect other people. However, many people do not believe that cheating is reason enough to break up a marriage. And it's not 'doing nothing' just because one makes a decision not to divorce the spouse who cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one said it is okay to disrespect other people. However, many people do not believe that cheating is reason enough to break up a marriage. And it's not 'doing nothing' just because one makes a decision not to divorce the spouse who cheated.

I guess those people never took vows that included 'forsaking all others?' Or else they were too stupid to understand what it meant?

[Anonymous]

Hey bitch pp, not the op but guess what- news flash. Not everyone is happy to end their marriage over the same things you are. That doesn't make them "value themselves less," you judgemental whore. Get over yourself and get a life. I bet you're one of those winners who thinks their religion is the ONLY way to live too. Rough, sad life.

[Anonymous]

Because a couple can work things out does not insinuate that it's okay to cheat. Linear thinking much? Try opening your mind up a wee bit honey.

Can't wait till your husband cheats on your high and mighty oh so self valuing ass and you have to decide how "stupid" you will be to figure out what to do. Oh wait, being married to you- he already is cheating! How are those sloppy seconds? Yuck.
Good luck sweetie!

OP- happy for you--- forgiveness is a win all the way around. Best wishes to you wherever your path takes you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because a couple can work things out does not insinuate that it's okay to cheat. Linear thinking much? Try opening your mind up a wee bit honey.

Can't wait till your husband cheats on your high and mighty oh so self valuing ass and you have to decide how "stupid" you will be to figure out what to do. Oh wait, being married to you- he already is cheating! How are those sloppy seconds? Yuck.
Good luck sweetie!

OP- happy for you--- forgiveness is a win all the way around. Best wishes to you wherever your path takes you.

Ugh. Women who degrade themselves voluntarily leave nothing else for men to do but ask 'how much?' How much do you charge, PP?

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP! It takes courage, compassion and unconditional love to forgive a cheating spouse. Your marriage and family are worth it and you will come out stronger.
And to all the PPs who think less of women or men who forgive, I hope you are never faced with that decision.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself and in my opinion, in order to move past the situation, you reallly need to get there, even if you divorce your spouse, you need to forgive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eek OP!! I may be in the minority here, but I cannot fathom why a woman would stay w/a man who penetrated another woman. I could never EVER forgive someone who would erode my trust in him on a whim like that. Basically you are now going to have her sloppy seconds as well. Yuck!!

I am sorry if I sound harsh and/or judgmental, but as women, we need to be strong and stand against men who disrespect us like this. If a man was ever untrue to me, he would be history. I wouldn't take him back at all. I have too much love + respect for myself to live my life settling for less than I deserve.

OP, please re-consider what you are doing.
Have you really forgiven him?

How long have you been married and do you have children? Your reply is pretty naive about the reality of infidelity and the nature of long term commitment.

Sorry, but this is just a sorry excuse to me.

Just because someone has small children doesn't give her husband a free pass to cheat on her. And just because someone thinks she shouldn't stay doesn't mean they do not value long term commitment.

Infidelity in a marriage is a very very serious issue everyone. For a person to share his or her body in the same loving manner that is supposed to be reserved for his or her spouse is just morally wrong. I have heard the "it just happened" excuse many a times. How does a penis just slip into someone's vagina??! Or how women have to stay w/a cheating man because they have children? Since when?? We have family courts and while it is sad when families break up, it is even sadder for children to be raised in homes where one parent has been emotionally disgraced to the core.

I cannot believe someone is being criticized and judged for believing that a woman should divorce her husband because he cheated.

I say, never settle for less than you know you are worth.
And OP, deep down in your heart and soul dear, you absolutely know your worth. It is much higher than you are giving yourself credit for.

Agreed. How about the husband valuing the marriage vows, family unit, trust his wife has in him? He violated those things when he cheated- why does the wife bear the burden of forgiveness, or 'saving' the marriage or not? HE VIOLATED the marriage. NONE of this is about the wife. The marriage fails because of HIM.

Also, would cheated-on wives like to explain to their daughters why it's okay for a man to disrespect them, and why they should do nothing?

Oh bullshit- I've seen this upclose. If anything, seeing someone try to work through infidelity was a good learning experience as a young adult- just as the divorce was ultimately a learning experience (albeit painful as a child)- you learn that life is NOT black and white for everyone. This issues is black and white FOR YOU. Some issues you may be ambiguous about may be total dealbreakers to other marriages.

You sound naive not because you have this as a dealbreaker that has to lead to divorce. You sound naive because you can't fathom for one moment that bad (horrible) actions may not outweigh the rest of a relationship for anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one said it is okay to disrespect other people. However, many people do not believe that cheating is reason enough to break up a marriage. And it's not 'doing nothing' just because one makes a decision not to divorce the spouse who cheated.

I guess those people never took vows that included 'forsaking all others?' Or else they were too stupid to understand what it meant?

People make mistakes. Maybe you should read a bit about forgiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one said it is okay to disrespect other people. However, many people do not believe that cheating is reason enough to break up a marriage. And it's not 'doing nothing' just because one makes a decision not to divorce the spouse who cheated.

I guess those people never took vows that included 'forsaking all others?' Or else they were too stupid to understand what it meant?

People make mistakes. Maybe you should read a bit about forgiveness.

Agreed- like forgiving cheaters.