Issue with a cousin "staying" with us

[Anonymous]

Ughh, kick her out and tell her and her parents why. I would not want some strange man wandering around in my house in the middle of the night, I don't care whose boyfriend he is. She's not a mischievous teenager and you're not her mother. I wouldn't have let her live there rent free in the first place either, quite frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're being just as strict as her parents. Have a talk with her to confirm she's having safe sex, offer to go with her to get testing and/or birth control and condoms, and have her invite the guy over for dinner so he can meet the family.

Be a good cousin!
You DO realize that if you kick her out, she will move in with the boyfriend and the DH's cousin's parents will blame you, right?

Err no. It's not your place to make sure a 22 year old is having safe sex. She's not a teenager, she's an adult.

I spoke with my 85 year old grandfather about safe sex when he started dating after my grandmother had died. It's not about age. It's about reminding people you love to be careful with their health and helping them to do that if they need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are saying she has to sleep at home every night, but the boyfriend is not allowed to stay over? What is she supposed to do? Why don't you invite the boyfriend over to dinner so the whole family has a chance to meet him, then ask the cousin to give you a bit of advance notice when he is going to stay over in the future. If you are not prepared to do that, kick her out. But don't continue the current situation where you treat a 22-year-old like she is 15, and thereby encourage sneaky 15-year-old behavior rather than adult responsibility.

Read the bible!

[Anonymous]

no way would I want an overnight male guest in my home.
nothing to do with morals, I just wouldn't want someone in my house around my kids for no reason.
why cant she sleep over at his place? that's a weird restriction to place on a 23 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not cool for her to invite an unwelcome guest into your house

This. Your house, your rules.

Tell her it's your way or the highway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult living rent free in your home. If she can't follow the rules, she can get her own place.

+1

[Anonymous]

Oh hellz no. A 23 year old is plenty old enough to get her own place. Time to take out some student loans like the rest of us did and move the eff out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not cool for her to invite an unwelcome guest into your house

This. Your house, your rules.

Tell her it's your way or the highway.

I agree that she has broken the rules, but she is an adult living in a child's set of rules, no wonder she broke them. But it is your house and if it is outside your comfort zone, remind her of that, and also meet the guy (assuming it is only one...), invite him over for dinner or something, and try to create an environment for everyone to get to know each other a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF? you say the parents are too strict about the boyfriend, but then impose the same rules yourself (no boyfriend welcome)? I mean, send her back home because what is the point of her staying with you?

It sounds like there was so much conflict between the cousin & her parents that it was decided to let her live with the OP. The boyfriend staying overnight wasn't part of the arrangement.

OP, I agree with other posters, the cousin needs to go.

+1

Cousin should have respected your rules. Doesn't matter her age. There was an agreement, she broke it. You would not be wrong to tell her to leave.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is just made that the cousin is the only one getting the sex under the roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're being just as strict as her parents. Have a talk with her to confirm she's having safe sex, offer to go with her to get testing and/or birth control and condoms, and have her invite the guy over for dinner so he can meet the family.

Be a good cousin!
You DO realize that if you kick her out, she will move in with the boyfriend and the DH's cousin's parents will blame you, right?

Err no. It's not your place to make sure a 22 year old is having safe sex. She's not a teenager, she's an adult.

I spoke with my 85 year old grandfather about safe sex when he started dating after my grandmother had died. It's not about age. It's about reminding people you love to be careful with their health and helping them to do that if they need it.

Because pregnancy and STIs are of huge concern to the 80 and up club? If there's a group of people that don't need to worry, that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're being just as strict as her parents. Have a talk with her to confirm she's having safe sex, offer to go with her to get testing and/or birth control and condoms, and have her invite the guy over for dinner so he can meet the family.

Be a good cousin!
You DO realize that if you kick her out, she will move in with the boyfriend and the DH's cousin's parents will blame you, right?

Err no. It's not your place to make sure a 22 year old is having safe sex. She's not a teenager, she's an adult.

I spoke with my 85 year old grandfather about safe sex when he started dating after my grandmother had died. It's not about age. It's about reminding people you love to be careful with their health and helping them to do that if they need it.

Because pregnancy and STIs are of huge concern to the 80 and up club? If there's a group of people that don't need to worry, that's it.

Wow, way to spew misinformation. STDs are actually quite an issue among older people. They have Viagra, they are too old to get pregnant, and they grew up in an era where they didn't have to worry about HIV, so condom usage is very low. Plus older men are of a generation where prostitution was more widespread and that can introduce STDs into the population. Its defn an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're being just as strict as her parents. Have a talk with her to confirm she's having safe sex, offer to go with her to get testing and/or birth control and condoms, and have her invite the guy over for dinner so he can meet the family.

Be a good cousin!
You DO realize that if you kick her out, she will move in with the boyfriend and the DH's cousin's parents will blame you, right?

Err no. It's not your place to make sure a 22 year old is having safe sex. She's not a teenager, she's an adult.

I spoke with my 85 year old grandfather about safe sex when he started dating after my grandmother had died. It's not about age. It's about reminding people you love to be careful with their health and helping them to do that if they need it.

Because pregnancy and STIs are of huge concern to the 80 and up club? If there's a group of people that don't need to worry, that's it.

Actually my sister is a family doc seeing mostly geriatric patients and STDs are a HUGE problem for the 70+ age group. Safe sex wasn't something many had to worry about because they married young and had the same partner for 50 years. But STDs can cause major health problems - so lesson to be learned safe sex is important regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're being just as strict as her parents. Have a talk with her to confirm she's having safe sex, offer to go with her to get testing and/or birth control and condoms, and have her invite the guy over for dinner so he can meet the family.

Be a good cousin!
You DO realize that if you kick her out, she will move in with the boyfriend and the DH's cousin's parents will blame you, right?

Err no. It's not your place to make sure a 22 year old is having safe sex. She's not a teenager, she's an adult.

I spoke with my 85 year old grandfather about safe sex when he started dating after my grandmother had died. It's not about age. It's about reminding people you love to be careful with their health and helping them to do that if they need it.

Are you the sex police!? What gives you the right to insert yourself in people's business like that? I wouldn't feel that it was my right or business to discuss with a 23 year old. She's an adult and if her parents did their job then she already knows the birds and the bees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not cool for her to invite an unwelcome guest into your house

This. Your house, your rules.

Tell her it's your way or the highway.

I agree that she has broken the rules, but she is an adult living in a child's set of rules, no wonder she broke them. But it is your house and if it is outside your comfort zone, remind her of that, and also meet the guy (assuming it is only one...), invite him over for dinner or something, and try to create an environment for everyone to get to know each other a bit.

The cousin isn't paying rent. If she doesn't like the "child's set of rules" - move out and pay rent like an adult. Sheesh... why does OP have to invite the guy over the dinner? WTF!