My husband's cousin's parents are very strict and don't approve of her boyfriend. It got so bad that she asked if she could stay with us (the parents trust us and rent free) to be closer to school/work (1hours vs 15mins commute). Our agreement was that she stays until graduation in May 14, sleeps at home and would let us know if she's not going to be home. I had a suspision that he was staying over night and finally saw him heading towards the bathroom from her room one morning so we told her it's not going to happen again. After that she was hardly around, maybe once a week or came in quickly then left again so my husband had a talk with her about it and it worked for a while.
We're expecting baby #2 in Feb and planned on keeping the baby in our room until she moves out but at this rate, I really wish she would just move out sooner. Would it be wrong if he asks her move back home? |
How old is the cousin? Over 18 or under, still in high school? Or about to graduate from college? |
She's 22 or 23, about to graduate from college. |
She's an adult who cannot seem to follow rules. Kick her out |
+1 She's not paying rent or following rules so now she should take care of herself. Time for her to act like an adult. |
It's not cool for her to invite an unwelcome guest into your house |
WTF? you say the parents are too strict about the boyfriend, but then impose the same rules yourself (no boyfriend welcome)? I mean, send her back home because what is the point of her staying with you? |
It sounds like there was so much conflict between the cousin & her parents that it was decided to let her live with the OP. The boyfriend staying overnight wasn't part of the arrangement. OP, I agree with other posters, the cousin needs to go. |
You need to separate the issues. Why do you want her gone? Is it because she broke the rules? Or is it because you have thought about it more and really need the space?
Both are valid, but if its the former, there is more leeway to work with. If the latter, don't feel bad and don't blame her - just tell her you have realized that you need the extra room. Period. PS- Not sure she's going to love being there with a newborn anyhow... |
Sounds like you're being just as strict as her parents. Have a talk with her to confirm she's having safe sex, offer to go with her to get testing and/or birth control and condoms, and have her invite the guy over for dinner so he can meet the family.
Be a good cousin! You DO realize that if you kick her out, she will move in with the boyfriend and the DH's cousin's parents will blame you, right? |
Err no. It's not your place to make sure a 22 year old is having safe sex. She's not a teenager, she's an adult. |
So you are saying she has to sleep at home every night, but the boyfriend is not allowed to stay over? What is she supposed to do? Why don't you invite the boyfriend over to dinner so the whole family has a chance to meet him, then ask the cousin to give you a bit of advance notice when he is going to stay over in the future. If you are not prepared to do that, kick her out. But don't continue the current situation where you treat a 22-year-old like she is 15, and thereby encourage sneaky 15-year-old behavior rather than adult responsibility. |
She's an adult living rent free in your home. If she can't follow the rules, she can get her own place. |
Read the bible! |
+1 Lived with my parents until 23 and they would have kicked me out if I had my boyfriend over overnight. If she doesn't like it, she's welcome to move. |