Strategies to stop mom from just dropping in

[Anonymous]

This would drive me crazy too. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is dead. Can I have yours ? I would never be too busy for her.

Your mom being dead doesn't make the OP's mother any less rude.

[Anonymous]

OP-- what happens when you simply tell her that now is not a good time and you ask her to leave? Does she leave? What does she say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was asking for strategies not judgment. We both work 50+ hours a week in high-stress shift work (think military, law enforcement--this includes the overnight shift) leaving the one who is with the kids effectively a single parent for a good part of the day. Like everybody else, we are just trying to get stuff done like lawn work, grocery shopping and housework in the time that we are off from work. We make time for family but we also need time to get stuff done. Multiple visits per week are not conducive to that. I am asking for strategies from people who have been in a similar situation, not commentary.

Isn't this all the more reason to let her come in and help with the kids/dinner/yard work/cleaning/laundry? Let her read to the kids. Tell them stories. Do arts and crafts. Face it, she won't be around forever and if you are so busy, couldn't you use the help. Just imagine 30 years from now, your kids posting this and feeling this way about you. Sad

[Anonymous]

This thread and the responses makes me sad.

What is it about people that would make them reach a point that they find a visit from one's own mother to be a nuisance? I lost my mother years ago and would give anything to be able to have her spend as much time as she would want with my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread and the responses makes me sad.

What is it about people that would make them reach a point that they find a visit from one's own mother to be a nuisance? I lost my mother years ago and would give anything to be able to have her spend as much time as she would want with my family.

PP, I'm sorry for your loss. But OP simply wants to have *scheduled* visits instead of unannounced ones. That is completely reasonable. Please don't act like this makes her a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is dead. Can I have yours ? I would never be too busy for her.

This is really a great answer. Somethimes people don't think these little "problems" all the way through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is dead. Can I have yours ? I would never be too busy for her.

This is really a great answer. Somethimes people don't think these little "problems" all the way through.

Look, you have no idea what this woman is like and what her relationship is with OP. The other day I read a post here about a mom who took passive aggressive behavior to new depths. The poster wrote about how she remembers doing something wrong when she was 10 years old and her mother didn't talk to her for 2 months. What kind of parent punishes a 10 year old with a silent treatment for months? That's abusive and crazy behavior by a parent. I would completely understand someone wanting to distance herself from a parent who was completed messed up.

I was/am fortunate to be raised by great parents. It will devastate me when they die. But not for one minute will I judge anyone else about their relationship with their own parents. Until you walk a mile in someone's shoes, step aside with the "at least your mom isn't dead" comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is dead. Can I have yours ? I would never be too busy for her.

This is really a great answer. Somethimes people don't think these little "problems" all the way through.

Actually they do. Another posters mother being dead is completely insignificant for OP who is dealing with a mother who is being intrusive. In the same way if someone else's child dies - it doesn't stop you from having to deal with sleep or potty training or feeding or behavior or learning issues with your own child. Should no one post in general parenting because a child has died?

Posting ''my mother is dead' is meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is dead. Can I have yours ? I would never be too busy for her.

This is really a great answer. Somethimes people don't think these little "problems" all the way through.

Look, you have no idea what this woman is like and what her relationship is with OP. The other day I read a post here about a mom who took passive aggressive behavior to new depths. The poster wrote about how she remembers doing something wrong when she was 10 years old and her mother didn't talk to her for 2 months. What kind of parent punishes a 10 year old with a silent treatment for months? That's abusive and crazy behavior by a parent. I would completely understand someone wanting to distance herself from a parent who was completed messed up.

I was/am fortunate to be raised by great parents. It will devastate me when they die. But not for one minute will I judge anyone else about their relationship with their own parents. Until you walk a mile in someone's shoes, step aside with the "at least your mom isn't dead" comments.

+1,000,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was asking for strategies not judgment. We both work 50+ hours a week in high-stress shift work (think military, law enforcement--this includes the overnight shift) leaving the one who is with the kids effectively a single parent for a good part of the day. Like everybody else, we are just trying to get stuff done like lawn work, grocery shopping and housework in the time that we are off from work. We make time for family but we also need time to get stuff done. Multiple visits per week are not conducive to that. I am asking for strategies from people who have been in a similar situation, not commentary.

When she shows up, put her to work! "So glad you're here, Mom. The kitchen's a mess. Can you unload then reload the dishwasher for us? Little Jenny would love to keep you company by playing with her dolls on the floor next to you while you do it." or "Hey, Mom, nice to see you. Kids and I were just raking the leaves. Here, you can take my rake. While you're doing that, Joe and I will weed the back flower beds."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was asking for strategies not judgment. We both work 50+ hours a week in high-stress shift work (think military, law enforcement--this includes the overnight shift) leaving the one who is with the kids effectively a single parent for a good part of the day. Like everybody else, we are just trying to get stuff done like lawn work, grocery shopping and housework in the time that we are off from work. We make time for family but we also need time to get stuff done. Multiple visits per week are not conducive to that. I am asking for strategies from people who have been in a similar situation, not commentary.

When she shows up, put her to work! "So glad you're here, Mom. The kitchen's a mess. Can you unload then reload the dishwasher for us? Little Jenny would love to keep you company by playing with her dolls on the floor next to you while you do it." or "Hey, Mom, nice to see you. Kids and I were just raking the leaves. Here, you can take my rake. While you're doing that, Joe and I will weed the back flower beds."

Or you could just let her hang around while you guys do whatever you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Answer the door naked.

[Anonymous]

Is it truly that its just the fact that she's dropping by unannounced that bothers you? Or do you not want her around so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answer the door naked.

Nah, a mother has seen her daughter naked all her life. Get DH to answer the door naked. THAT will shut down the surprise drop-ins.