Strategies to stop mom from just dropping in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I'm surprised to see this thread is still active. Mom stopped by four times this past week and one of those times happened just a few hours after a phone call when we had discussed having a planned visit in a few days. This when DH is on the night shift and was sleeping as were both kids. For all the posters who said put her to work, she is no longer physically able. And for those who said we didn't like her much, that's true. She had a mid-life crisis about 20 years ago, left my dad and has absolutely failed to makeover her life--few outside interests, never previously lived alone, not much of a support system and has now let herself go physically. It's sad beyond all measure but we can't be responsible for her choices.

I am sorry, OP. That would get really old really fast. What did you do when she stopped by that last time when everyone was asleep?

[Anonymous]

OP, I thank God every day for each and every one of the 385 miles that separate me from my mother and keep her from pulling shit like this. That doesn't make me a bad person, nor does your desire for boundaries.

My father died 7 years ago and I'd give anything for him to stop by every day. He was a kind and loving man, easy to get along with, despite alcoholism. My mother, on the other hand, is self-absorbed, narcissistic, and rageful, but demanding of attention. I'm a good daughter, but I have limits and boundaries that help to maintain my sanity and my family's peace.

I don't blame you at all for needing boundaries. You're doing what's right for your family, and I'm sorry you've gotten such negative responses from some here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I'm surprised to see this thread is still active. Mom stopped by four times this past week and one of those times happened just a few hours after a phone call when we had discussed having a planned visit in a few days. This when DH is on the night shift and was sleeping as were both kids. For all the posters who said put her to work, she is no longer physically able. And for those who said we didn't like her much, that's true. She had a mid-life crisis about 20 years ago, left my dad and has absolutely failed to makeover her life--few outside interests, never previously lived alone, not much of a support system and has now let herself go physically. It's sad beyond all measure but we can't be responsible for her choices.

Can you stand your dad? Tell him the situation and invite your dad home more often, maybe that will make her uncomfortable and leave. IF they start fighting even better.