What do do when friend is very rude?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like -- for whatever reason -- your friend thought it would be inappropriate for you to share your news (for example, if you're pregnant & the other couple recently had a miscarriage), and rather than kick you under the table or make the finger-across-the-throat "knock it off" gesture, she chose to use a random anecdote.

Maybe call her and ask? "Hey, I got the feeling you didn't want me to share our big news on Friday -- what was up with that?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like -- for whatever reason -- your friend thought it would be inappropriate for you to share your news (for example, if you're pregnant & the other couple recently had a miscarriage), and rather than kick you under the table or make the finger-across-the-throat "knock it off" gesture, she chose to use a random anecdote.

Maybe call her and ask? "Hey, I got the feeling you didn't want me to share our big news on Friday -- what was up with that?"

+1. It sounds as if your friend interrupted to keep you from accidentally saying something awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knew the other couple better than you did and realized your big news wasn't something that was going to go over well with them for whatever reason and she cut you off.

I wonder this, too. Maybe you got a promotion, her friend was just laid off. You are pregnant, their 3rd round of IVF failed. Why not call or email her...Hey Susie, At dinner on Friday night I was excited to share my big news with you guys. What was up with your song and dance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a scene from a screwball comedy.

Whatever your big news is, if its truly big, why would something like that de-rail the topic permanently for the evening?

It does sound very awkward. I can understand your feelings could be hurt if this is a very good friend and she knew what you were about to say, and then did this to screw up the moment for you. But why would she do that? Do you think it was an on purpose? Was there general conversation going on that maybe she didnt hear you about to deliver the news? Is she someone prone to awkward blurting like this?

We are too much context on her ways know them and your perception of her intentions to be able to say what we would do or what you should do.

OP here. we were in a quiet, fancy restaurant. We are not chugging beer and telling Hooters jokes. We are over 30. Yes, sadly she knew what the news was and did not want to hear yet another friend having great good fortune. When she told me the other friend, I thought it was just small talk. She knew her friend was very ummm lucky, why the anger? So she did it on purpose --that is why my feelings were hurt. She heard me all too well.
What I missed was that she had had much more to drink than I noticed at the time (in retrospect, I now realize that she was plastered. She has a bit of a drinking problem. She started singing. Friends don't usually burst into toddler songs when we eat out together. Now I remember that she has done this before when she has had too much. It was very early to be quite at that state.) I can image when she told me her mother was ill... if I had jumped right into the Barney's song...I would have thought that was rude of me.
The whole thing took me by surprise. I know it would have been much smoother to say, OK Larla, You're feeling very merry. Partly it was just a misunderstanding. She is a big drinker. What did I expect? I did not understand the extent of her perception that falling down drunk is OK , and all the things that go with it. I do not want to think this about my friend.
I have to rethink this with her, my tolerance ,ect. Obviously this has been building up. Vent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a scene from a screwball comedy.

Whatever your big news is, if its truly big, why would something like that de-rail the topic permanently for the evening?

It does sound very awkward. I can understand your feelings could be hurt if this is a very good friend and she knew what you were about to say, and then did this to screw up the moment for you. But why would she do that? Do you think it was an on purpose? Was there general conversation going on that maybe she didnt hear you about to deliver the news? Is she someone prone to awkward blurting like this?

We are too much context on her ways know them and your perception of her intentions to be able to say what we would do or what you should do.

OP here. we were in a quiet, fancy restaurant. We are not chugging beer and telling Hooters jokes. We are over 30. Yes, sadly she knew what the news was and did not want to hear yet another friend having great good fortune. When she told me the other friend, I thought it was just small talk. She knew her friend was very ummm lucky, why the anger? So she did it on purpose --that is why my feelings were hurt. She heard me all too well.
What I missed was that she had had much more to drink than I noticed at the time (in retrospect, I now realize that she was plastered. She has a bit of a drinking problem. She started singing. Friends don't usually burst into toddler songs when we eat out together. Now I remember that she has done this before when she has had too much. It was very early to be quite at that state.) I can image when she told me her mother was ill... if I had jumped right into the Barney's song...I would have thought that was rude of me.
The whole thing took me by surprise. I know it would have been much smoother to say, OK Larla, You're feeling very merry. Partly it was just a misunderstanding. She is a big drinker. What did I expect? I did not understand the extent of her perception that falling down drunk is OK , and all the things that go with it. I do not want to think this about my friend.
I have to rethink this with her, my tolerance ,ect. Obviously this has been building up. Vent!

Is English your first language?

What does the bolded part mean? Who knew the news? Why was it a big deal to share it if they already knew? Weirdest post ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knew the other couple better than you did and realized your big news wasn't something that was going to go over well with them for whatever reason and she cut you off.

That's what I am thinking. Were you announcing that you were pregnant? Maybe they have fertility issues.

An engagement? Maybe one of the other couple has a commitment phobia that causes arguments.

A new job? Maybe the other people are unemployed....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a scene from a screwball comedy.

Whatever your big news is, if its truly big, why would something like that de-rail the topic permanently for the evening?

It does sound very awkward. I can understand your feelings could be hurt if this is a very good friend and she knew what you were about to say, and then did this to screw up the moment for you. But why would she do that? Do you think it was an on purpose? Was there general conversation going on that maybe she didnt hear you about to deliver the news? Is she someone prone to awkward blurting like this?

We are too much context on her ways know them and your perception of her intentions to be able to say what we would do or what you should do.

OP here. we were in a quiet, fancy restaurant. We are not chugging beer and telling Hooters jokes. We are over 30. Yes, sadly she knew what the news was and did not want to hear yet another friend having great good fortune. When she told me the other friend, I thought it was just small talk. She knew her friend was very ummm lucky, why the anger? So she did it on purpose --that is why my feelings were hurt. She heard me all too well.
What I missed was that she had had much more to drink than I noticed at the time (in retrospect, I now realize that she was plastered. She has a bit of a drinking problem. She started singing. Friends don't usually burst into toddler songs when we eat out together. Now I remember that she has done this before when she has had too much. It was very early to be quite at that state.) I can image when she told me her mother was ill... if I had jumped right into the Barney's song...I would have thought that was rude of me.
The whole thing took me by surprise. I know it would have been much smoother to say, OK Larla, You're feeling very merry. Partly it was just a misunderstanding. She is a big drinker. What did I expect? I did not understand the extent of her perception that falling down drunk is OK , and all the things that go with it. I do not want to think this about my friend.
I have to rethink this with her, my tolerance ,ect. Obviously this has been building up. Vent!

This is very confusing. Can you summarize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like -- for whatever reason -- your friend thought it would be inappropriate for you to share your news (for example, if you're pregnant & the other couple recently had a miscarriage), and rather than kick you under the table or make the finger-across-the-throat "knock it off" gesture, she chose to use a random anecdote.

Maybe call her and ask? "Hey, I got the feeling you didn't want me to share our big news on Friday -- what was up with that?"

+1. It sounds as if your friend interrupted to keep you from accidentally saying something awkward.

OP here, I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a scene from a screwball comedy.

Whatever your big news is, if its truly big, why would something like that de-rail the topic permanently for the evening?

It does sound very awkward. I can understand your feelings could be hurt if this is a very good friend and she knew what you were about to say, and then did this to screw up the moment for you. But why would she do that? Do you think it was an on purpose? Was there general conversation going on that maybe she didnt hear you about to deliver the news? Is she someone prone to awkward blurting like this?

We are too much context on her ways know them and your perception of her intentions to be able to say what we would do or what you should do.

OP here. we were in a quiet, fancy restaurant. We are not chugging beer and telling Hooters jokes. We are over 30. Yes, sadly she knew what the news was and did not want to hear yet another friend having great good fortune. When she told me the other friend, I thought it was just small talk. She knew her friend was very ummm lucky, why the anger? So she did it on purpose --that is why my feelings were hurt. She heard me all too well.
What I missed was that she had had much more to drink than I noticed at the time (in retrospect, I now realize that she was plastered. She has a bit of a drinking problem. She started singing. Friends don't usually burst into toddler songs when we eat out together. Now I remember that she has done this before when she has had too much. It was very early to be quite at that state.) I can image when she told me her mother was ill... if I had jumped right into the Barney's song...I would have thought that was rude of me.
The whole thing took me by surprise. I know it would have been much smoother to say, OK Larla, You're feeling very merry. Partly it was just a misunderstanding. She is a big drinker. What did I expect? I did not understand the extent of her perception that falling down drunk is OK , and all the things that go with it. I do not want to think this about my friend.
I have to rethink this with her, my tolerance ,ect. Obviously this has been building up. Vent!

Huh?

[Anonymous]

This thread is hysterical.

[Anonymous]

No, it is over your head.

[Anonymous]

I am SO confused!! what????? OP, please stop talking in circles. Just say what happened. Let's pretend your great news was that you are pregnant.
You, DH, Friend A and her DH B, and their friends C+D were at a restaurant.

Are you saying????
A&B knew you were pregnant? C&D asked what your big news was and A started singing?

Are you saying????
A&B knew and didn't want "yet another friend to share in good fortune?" or that A&B knew and knew that C&D didn't want to hear in good fortune?

Who is VERY LUCKY?????? A&B or C&D?????


God, I'm so confused I have a headache.

[Anonymous]

Yes, break it down for us, OP. use letters like PP suggested. This is so confusing. What was the big news? Who is jealous of your good news? The whole part of your friend breaking into song is weird. What did you mean what you write in your OP that you got the relevance of the song she sung- - a snake chasing a boy?? What???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, break it down for us, OP. use letters like PP suggested. This is so confusing. What was the big news? Who is jealous of your good news? The whole part of your friend breaking into song is weird. What did you mean what you write in your OP that you got the relevance of the song she sung- - a snake chasing a boy?? What???

OP here: I would say you captured my feeling as well. My friend is very smart. There is no relevance to the song, which took me by surprise -just that it is so inappropriate. I was going WTF??? We just came into a great deal of money. In person I am extremely circumspect. I would not say "hello I am 100x richer than yesterday!!! Woohoo!" I think, however, that my talking in circles alerted her to this and she did not want to hear it. Particularly when her friend had just said the same thing the night before. Coincidence. I have been in that position and it sometimes is hard to take.
LOL we are long past the baby stage.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god! You wanted to brag about becoming One of the Riches, and you're upset she didn't want to hear it?

Go bitch to Robin Leach. Then go use your money to buy some English lessons.