Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry---but frickin' May, pp???!?!?!!

WTF? That sh*t just pisses me off. I have a late April child and unless he had SERIOUS issues and we were advised by medical professionals there is no way I would even consider holding him back. He's on the smaller side as well.

Really--where do we f*cking draw the line anymore? I have a September kid too, btw.

May, give me a break.

Please calm down, you are way overreacting. There is no reason for you to be angry about the decisions of other parents. These are not easy decisions, and there are excellent reasons to hold kids back in certain situations. Mine your own business and chill out.

[Anonymous]

This issue is never approached rationally on these boards, you will always see the judgy parents come out of the woodwork to scream and yell at anyone considering this difficult decision. Talk it out with your DC's preschool, pediatrician, the folks with expertise. Stay away from the nutjobs here who will hurl insults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If your small boy is bookish and not interested in athletics, maybe he won't care as much.

But if he's small yet athletic, it's a big problem come middle school and high school.

Not if he wrestles

—mom of tiny bad-ass

[Anonymous]

It seems like 90% of time people consider holding back boys is based on a comparison to how they will eventually stack up against other boys (either b/c of bullying or b/c of sports ability). It is a sign that things are not right when we are making decisions for our sons based on how they compare to others rather than what they individually are capable of handling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like 90% of time people consider holding back boys is based on a comparison to how they will eventually stack up against other boys (either b/c of bullying or b/c of sports ability). It is a sign that things are not right when we are making decisions for our sons based on how they compare to others rather than what they individually are capable of handling.

You don't know that. You have never been in this position and you are simply speculating. These are not easy decisions and most parents aren't making them for competitive reasons. Most of us are looking at our own child's maturity. believe me, you don;t want a child who is not ready to be there in a class with your child.

I wish everyone could try a little empathy in place of their judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like 90% of time people consider holding back boys is based on a comparison to how they will eventually stack up against other boys (either b/c of bullying or b/c of sports ability). It is a sign that things are not right when we are making decisions for our sons based on how they compare to others rather than what they individually are capable of handling.

You don't know that. You have never been in this position and you are simply speculating. These are not easy decisions and most parents aren't making them for competitive reasons. Most of us are looking at our own child's maturity. believe me, you don;t want a child who is not ready to be there in a class with your child.

I wish everyone could try a little empathy in place of their judgment.

Not the PP you're responding to but someone with little empathy. My kids have developmental delays and IEPs. Looking at them with their classmates when they were in K and 1st grade, no one could tell my kids were any different than the others. Teachers expect immature behavior. Kids are NOT expected to stay seated quietly all the time. There are a ton of K readiness checklists out there. If you think your child is too immature for kindergarten, I gently suggest you contact Child Find and see if developmental issues are present that require intervention. They're no in late elementary school/high school and are doing just fine.

[Anonymous]

I held DS back (late Summer B-day), he is now in 7th grade and it was the best thing I could have done for him. I did not hold his older brother back and he kind of fell apart in 8th grade. Do what is best for your kid and the hell with everyone else thinks. No one knows who is a couple of months older or younger in middle school. Some of the smallest kids might be the oldest, some of the biggest might be the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am struggling with this too. I have a May boy and a July boy that I will have to make decisions on. I visited the kindergarten that May boy would be attending in the fall and discussed my concerns with the school counselor. Ultimately, after watching the children sit so quietly during a lecture in kindergarten, I decided that my May boy will have issues with doing that in the fall and I see no value in forcing it on him. In fact, I view forcing it on him now as a negative. So, he is a no go but I am going to address each one individually.

I would strongly urge you not to base such an important decision on what you saw and what you project your kid to be like. I have been working in elementary schools for over 20 years, first as a teacher and now as an administrator. The amount of growth from September to January and then from January to June is incredible. Kids that could barely sit still and were crying in September were completely different children by January. They were happy and loved coming to school, so their change was not due to punishment and coercion. It's about kids developing appropriately. We don't "force" kids. We provide appropriate breaks and movement throughout the day. For example, kids sit for an engaging read aloud and then spread out throughout the room to write their stories. Some are on the floor, some at tables. They work where they're comfortable. Then they come back together as a group and sit quietly while a couple of classmates share their story.
Don't underestimate the changes that your son will make between now and September. Kids at this age are developing at such a rapid pace in their language, physical growth, social-emotional development and in their cognitive development.

I was the prior poster. I should add that I discussed this with my son's current preschool teacher and the school counselor for the kindergarten. Neither urged me in another direction. I think some children are very ready for kindergarten and was open to that possibility. The public school kindergarten, that the counselor described as "very academically rigorous" even in kindergarten, did expect children to sit for long periods of time. When I voiced concern that my son does not seem ready for this, the counselor did not challenge this or offer any assurance that I should expect kindergarten to be different from what I observed. If anything, she seemed to think this was the right decision (based on my report, not on meeting my son).

[Anonymous]

My son is in the 5th grade now. His birthday is at the end of July. We didn't redshirt him. For almost 3 years I regretted about it almost every day: he was so much behind in reading and writing. But socially he was ready from the first day of Kindergarten. And he loved the school (and still does) from his first day there. At the end of the 2nd grade we tested him - ADD, phonological processing problem and dysgraphia. He receives help from school since. Yes, and by 4th grade I would say he evened with his classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of people holding back April and May babies, too. It is getting out of control. Do you realize they will be 19 when they are in HS?

To the PP above, just because the kids were sitting still now, doesn't mean they were in September.

It just seems at first Aug/Sept babies were hold backs, but now there are April and May and June holdbacks. Where does it end? And seriously, they will be 19 in HS?!! I know of girls and boys. Do you think it is a good idea to have a 19 old in HS? Think of the implications there.

+1000 on this. This makes me angry too. When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was a discussion of "border" babies - end of summer/September babies. But we're talking MAY? In the mathematical MIDDLE of the pack of the kids? And you held this kid back? People like you really give this "red shirting" decision a bad name.

[Anonymous]

My son is in kindergarten now. He's one of the youngest children in his class, with an early April birthday. We've been to several birthday parties this month for boys in his class who are turning seven. My son is more immature than a number of his classmates and struggles with his fine motor skills. However, he's doing great in almost all his academic areas and keeps up quite nicely with the kids a full year older than him. I think my son would have been bored out of his mind if we'd kept him in pre-k another year, and I could see that leading to behavior problems. I really think it's depends on the child. Most of the kids in my son's school who were held back a year were held back starting PK-3 or between PK-3 and PK-4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is in kindergarten now. He's one of the youngest children in his class, with an early April birthday. We've been to several birthday parties this month for boys in his class who are turning seven. My son is more immature than a number of his classmates and struggles with his fine motor skills. However, he's doing great in almost all his academic areas and keeps up quite nicely with the kids a full year older than him. I think my son would have been bored out of his mind if we'd kept him in pre-k another year, and I could see that leading to behavior problems. I really think it's depends on the child. Most of the kids in my son's school who were held back a year were held back starting PK-3 or between PK-3 and PK-4.

In the Kindergarten? And they are not even summer boys?
Where is the end of it? Should I have hold back my March boy then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of people holding back April and May babies, too. It is getting out of control. Do you realize they will be 19 when they are in HS?

To the PP above, just because the kids were sitting still now, doesn't mean they were in September.

It just seems at first Aug/Sept babies were hold backs, but now there are April and May and June holdbacks. Where does it end? And seriously, they will be 19 in HS?!! I know of girls and boys. Do you think it is a good idea to have a 19 old in HS? Think of the implications there.

+1000 on this. This makes me angry too. When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was a discussion of "border" babies - end of summer/September babies. But we're talking MAY? In the mathematical MIDDLE of the pack of the kids? And you held this kid back? People like you really give this "red shirting" decision a bad name.

But why does this make you angry? Whats it to you? You have no idea what the reasons are, and you never will because another child's development is not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of people holding back April and May babies, too. It is getting out of control. Do you realize they will be 19 when they are in HS?

To the PP above, just because the kids were sitting still now, doesn't mean they were in September.

It just seems at first Aug/Sept babies were hold backs, but now there are April and May and June holdbacks. Where does it end? And seriously, they will be 19 in HS?!! I know of girls and boys. Do you think it is a good idea to have a 19 old in HS? Think of the implications there.

+1000 on this. This makes me angry too. When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was a discussion of "border" babies - end of summer/September babies. But we're talking MAY? In the mathematical MIDDLE of the pack of the kids? And you held this kid back? People like you really give this "red shirting" decision a bad name.

But why does this make you angry? Whats it to you? You have no idea what the reasons are, and you never will because another child's development is not your business.

NP here -- others can be angry about your decision to redshirt your child. Why? Because my son has a September birthday. Unless he seems to be totally unprepared, we plan to send him to school on time. He's not very large, but reasonably developed socially and physically. He doesn't need gigantic 7-year-olds in his class. They should be in first grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of people holding back April and May babies, too. It is getting out of control. Do you realize they will be 19 when they are in HS?

To the PP above, just because the kids were sitting still now, doesn't mean they were in September.

It just seems at first Aug/Sept babies were hold backs, but now there are April and May and June holdbacks. Where does it end? And seriously, they will be 19 in HS?!! I know of girls and boys. Do you think it is a good idea to have a 19 old in HS? Think of the implications there.

+1000 on this. This makes me angry too. When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was a discussion of "border" babies - end of summer/September babies. But we're talking MAY? In the mathematical MIDDLE of the pack of the kids? And you held this kid back? People like you really give this "red shirting" decision a bad name.

But why does this make you angry? Whats it to you? You have no idea what the reasons are, and you never will because another child's development is not your business.

NP here -- others can be angry about your decision to redshirt your child. Why? Because my son has a September birthday. Unless he seems to be totally unprepared, we plan to send him to school on time. He's not very large, but reasonably developed socially and physically. He doesn't need gigantic 7-year-olds in his class. They should be in first grade.

Ah, the myth of the "gigantic" redshirted child. Have you noticed the huge range of sizes of same-age children? My guess is that the gigantic child in your DC's class was not red shirted.

I think all of you are angry because you think someone is getting away with something and you feel competitive about your children. What you don't realize is that it is detrimental to your children to have classmates who are unprepared to be there. You don't even have an elementary school child so you have no idea what happens to a classroom with such a child.