Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious. Hold a child back because of their size? I never heard of this before. I personally don't care if your child was 16 and in kindergarten. It has nothing to do with me or my child. Just shocked that one can say oh I want my child to stay back because he is small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of people holding back April and May babies, too. It is getting out of control. Do you realize they will be 19 when they are in HS?

To the PP above, just because the kids were sitting still now, doesn't mean they were in September.

It just seems at first Aug/Sept babies were hold backs, but now there are April and May and June holdbacks. Where does it end? And seriously, they will be 19 in HS?!! I know of girls and boys. Do you think it is a good idea to have a 19 old in HS? Think of the implications there.

+1000 on this. This makes me angry too. When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was a discussion of "border" babies - end of summer/September babies. But we're talking MAY? In the mathematical MIDDLE of the pack of the kids? And you held this kid back? People like you really give this "red shirting" decision a bad name.

But why does this make you angry? Whats it to you? You have no idea what the reasons are, and you never will because another child's development is not your business.

NP here -- others can be angry about your decision to redshirt your child. Why? Because my son has a September birthday. Unless he seems to be totally unprepared, we plan to send him to school on time. He's not very large, but reasonably developed socially and physically. He doesn't need gigantic 7-year-olds in his class. They should be in first grade.

Ah, the myth of the "gigantic" redshirted child. Have you noticed the huge range of sizes of same-age children? My guess is that the gigantic child in your DC's class was not red shirted.

I think all of you are angry because you think someone is getting away with something and you feel competitive about your children. What you don't realize is that it is detrimental to your children to have classmates who are unprepared to be there. You don't even have an elementary school child so you have no idea what happens to a classroom with such a child.

As a parent of an August birthday girl, it does matter some to me. My DD is ready for K - socially, emotionally and academically-- according to her preschool teachers, testing scores our observations and those of K teachers, but we often feel pressure to hold her back a year, "just because". We talked with her school for next year and she will be the youngest child in the class, and we are in VA, where the cut off is over a month AFTER her birthday. She will have several kids in her class a full year older than her. Now, a child who is completely ready for school will be considered immature, not b/c she is NOT ready for school, but because others didn't go when they were ready. She is about average in size (65%ile) but does look small in a group of rising Kindergarteners.

All situations and all kids are different, I get that. I also understand having some flexibility for kids born with in a month or so of the cut-off, but lately it seems like that flexibility continues to extend out... so now people with April and May birthdays are waiting a year, which I think makes the age range too large. If the cut off is September 30 and an April child "red-shirts" it makes the age range in the classroom 17 months... that's what makes it tough on kids and teachers alike, managing such a large range.

For those saying kids are falling apart in middle school, who knows why that is happening. Maybe b/c kids are on the younger side, but it's likely it would have happened in 7th or 8th grade. It may have more to do with the kid and the developmental changes than the grade in school. Everyone goes through adolescence, and it's hard on many... including those who are right in the middle and those who "older" or "younger" than their peers- and this can be rough time, especially academically.

[Anonymous]

So to sum up, everyone who is furious about people redshirting their kids is upset because it means their own kid is not the oldest/biggest/most mature kid in the class, and it's "not fair." Which is different from the reasoning behind redshirting...how?

[Anonymous]

I have teens. I have seen families who redshirted because their kids weren't ready and in every case they believe it was the right thing to do. As the years went on it made no difference in terms of the other kids in the grade, they were indistinguishable. I also know of a family whose child was borderline and they decided not to redshirt. The boy was very bright but immature. Several years later after he struggled with the demands of the classroom they had him repeat a grade and he has thrived ever since. They regret not redshirting him.

There are reasons. If you aren't in that position, you won't understand them. We all have difficult decisions to make about our children all the time and ultimately we try to do whats best for them. The one thing I've learned now that my kids are teens is humility. Those parents I judged for various reasons when our kids were younger got some things right that I got wrong. There are no perfect parents out there so maybe we all need to be a bit more humble, a bit less judgmental, and try to understand each other instead. I find that parents of younger children have more trouble doing this, but as their kids get older they realize that all children challenge their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of people holding back April and May babies, too. It is getting out of control. Do you realize they will be 19 when they are in HS?

To the PP above, just because the kids were sitting still now, doesn't mean they were in September.

It just seems at first Aug/Sept babies were hold backs, but now there are April and May and June holdbacks. Where does it end? And seriously, they will be 19 in HS?!! I know of girls and boys. Do you think it is a good idea to have a 19 old in HS? Think of the implications there.

19 for the last month of high school, by my math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of people holding back April and May babies, too. It is getting out of control. Do you realize they will be 19 when they are in HS?

To the PP above, just because the kids were sitting still now, doesn't mean they were in September.

It just seems at first Aug/Sept babies were hold backs, but now there are April and May and June holdbacks. Where does it end? And seriously, they will be 19 in HS?!! I know of girls and boys. Do you think it is a good idea to have a 19 old in HS? Think of the implications there.

+1000 on this. This makes me angry too. When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was a discussion of "border" babies - end of summer/September babies. But we're talking MAY? In the mathematical MIDDLE of the pack of the kids? And you held this kid back? People like you really give this "red shirting" decision a bad name.

But why does this make you angry? Whats it to you? You have no idea what the reasons are, and you never will because another child's development is not your business.

NP here -- others can be angry about your decision to redshirt your child. Why? Because my son has a September birthday. Unless he seems to be totally unprepared, we plan to send him to school on time. He's not very large, but reasonably developed socially and physically. He doesn't need gigantic 7-year-olds in his class. They should be in first grade.

Ah, the myth of the "gigantic" redshirted child. Have you noticed the huge range of sizes of same-age children? My guess is that the gigantic child in your DC's class was not red shirted.

I think all of you are angry because you think someone is getting away with something and you feel competitive about your children. What you don't realize is that it is detrimental to your children to have classmates who are unprepared to be there. You don't even have an elementary school child so you have no idea what happens to a classroom with such a child.

As a parent of an August birthday girl, it does matter some to me. My DD is ready for K - socially, emotionally and academically-- according to her preschool teachers, testing scores our observations and those of K teachers, but we often feel pressure to hold her back a year, "just because". We talked with her school for next year and she will be the youngest child in the class, and we are in VA, where the cut off is over a month AFTER her birthday. She will have several kids in her class a full year older than her. Now, a child who is completely ready for school will be considered immature, not b/c she is NOT ready for school, but because others didn't go when they were ready. She is about average in size (65%ile) but does look small in a group of rising Kindergarteners.

All situations and all kids are different, I get that. I also understand having some flexibility for kids born with in a month or so of the cut-off, but lately it seems like that flexibility continues to extend out... so now people with April and May birthdays are waiting a year, which I think makes the age range too large. If the cut off is September 30 and an April child "red-shirts" it makes the age range in the classroom 17 months... that's what makes it tough on kids and teachers alike, managing such a large range.

For those saying kids are falling apart in middle school, who knows why that is happening. Maybe b/c kids are on the younger side, but it's likely it would have happened in 7th or 8th grade. It may have more to do with the kid and the developmental changes than the grade in school. Everyone goes through adolescence, and it's hard on many... including those who are right in the middle and those who "older" or "younger" than their peers- and this can be rough time, especially academically.

Your daughter is ready so send her. There's no need to be concerned about other kids who were not ready last year. Don't you see the difference? Make the decision that's best for your child and it all works out.

[Anonymous]

I sent my "summer birthday" DD on time as a five year old. Great decision. She thrived. However, we did not have any academic or social concerns about her as a five year old. She was a great fit for her class all the way through high school.

Throughout her schooling, there were always older students in her grade who had been held back. One would think that they would be more prepared and more mature, given their older age. This was not the case.

Invariably, the kids who were held back were still among the more immature students in their new grade, even though they were older. Whatever had caused their immaturity and lack of readiness for kindergarten as a five-year old was still there. If there were learning issues that precipitated the "redshirting," then those learning issues were still there, even with IEP's and extra help, therapy and medication. These students always found school to be a challenge on some level.

If you have a neuro-typical kid who starts Kindergarten at age five, no matter what their size, you will most likely have a neuro-typical high schooler who is thriving in their cohort.

If you have a "summer birthday" child with some issues, holding them back a year seems to be a wise thing to do and it is definitely what we would have done, if our DD had some issues. It gives your child, and you, a chance to work on whatever issues there are and they may start kindergarten with more confidence.

But, do not be surprised if those issues remain and are noticeable once again within their new cohort. Holding a child back who has learning or other disabilities does not give them some sort of advantage in the next class (if that is what people are upset about on this thread). The neuro-typical kids in the class will still be able to navigate their academics and social situations with greater fluency, no matter what their age, all the way through their school years. Their ability to absorb and retain new academic material, and to function well in a group, becomes essential by high school because of the intensity of the pace and depth of the classes/labs. These students generally rise to the top of their class anyway, because they are able to handle the multi-tasking, abstract concepts, and integration and inter-connections of new material on their own.

If you have a child with a summer birthday who has issues, give them another year before Kindergarten. If you have a child who does not have issues, send them.

There is no advantage to the child who is "older" when they start school, if the reason they were "red shirted" had to do with some issue they have. Parents of neuro-typical kids need to relax about this and worry less about the wider age spans in classrooms, and be grateful that their kids are able to handle the environment without supports.

(This is from a mom with both neuro-typical and SN kids).

[Anonymous]

+1000 to the PP. Redshirting is not some magical fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you don't realize is that it is detrimental to your children to have classmates who are unprepared to be there.

This is true. It's also detrimental - over time - to have children who are overprepared to be there. I believe that kindergarten has too academic a focus these days. The belief that every child should be reading by the end of kindergarten is not borne out by research, but the push has made parents who have children who are on the later end of acquiring that skill (or others, like fine motor pencil grasp) more inclined to retain their children in kindergarten. That reinforces the idea that those are set of skills that should be held by every child in k, rather than the reality that those skills are something children acquire at different times over a period of years. These expectations increase the academic demands in every year and unfortunately as parents hold their children back, the schools aren't forced to actually teach children as they (appropriately) are.

If the end result were superior, I would have less to be concerned about. But our high school graduates are not any more prepared than they were 20, 40, 60 years ago when it was understood that some children did not read fluently until 8, that some children's fine motor skills came when they were older than 5, and so on. Instead, we're putting our small children through this wringer of unreasonable expectations. Parents are attempting to protect their children which unfortunately allows the unreasonable expectations to continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is in kindergarten now. He's one of the youngest children in his class, with an early April birthday. We've been to several birthday parties this month for boys in his class who are turning seven. My son is more immature than a number of his classmates and struggles with his fine motor skills. However, he's doing great in almost all his academic areas and keeps up quite nicely with the kids a full year older than him. I think my son would have been bored out of his mind if we'd kept him in pre-k another year, and I could see that leading to behavior problems. I really think it's depends on the child. Most of the kids in my son's school who were held back a year were held back starting PK-3 or between PK-3 and PK-4.

In the Kindergarten? And they are not even summer boys?
Where is the end of it? Should I have hold back my March boy then?

this is really difficult and becoming more and more so.
Even though the decision to redshirt the redshirters may have been right for THEM and going well for various reasons, I DO see it impacting the boys and girls that are sent on time. The MYOB and do what is right for your own child's development is not really working here anymore from every perspective, when the whole makeup of a class is developmentally more and more skewed. I mean a few redshirted kids, no one would think anything of it, but when it becomes half the class or more, it is an entirely different scenario.
An April birthday child being the youngest, and celebrating birthdays of classmates 2 years older at some point, just cannot be the new standard, can it? But maybe it already is?

I know that I will struggle with this decision when the time comes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent my "summer birthday" DD on time as a five year old. Great decision. She thrived. However, we did not have any academic or social concerns about her as a five year old. She was a great fit for her class all the way through high school.

Throughout her schooling, there were always older students in her grade who had been held back. One would think that they would be more prepared and more mature, given their older age. This was not the case.

Invariably, the kids who were held back were still among the more immature students in their new grade, even though they were older. Whatever had caused their immaturity and lack of readiness for kindergarten as a five-year old was still there. If there were learning issues that precipitated the "redshirting," then those learning issues were still there, even with IEP's and extra help, therapy and medication. These students always found school to be a challenge on some level.

If you have a neuro-typical kid who starts Kindergarten at age five, no matter what their size, you will most likely have a neuro-typical high schooler who is thriving in their cohort.

If you have a "summer birthday" child with some issues, holding them back a year seems to be a wise thing to do and it is definitely what we would have done, if our DD had some issues. It gives your child, and you, a chance to work on whatever issues there are and they may start kindergarten with more confidence.

But, do not be surprised if those issues remain and are noticeable once again within their new cohort. Holding a child back who has learning or other disabilities does not give them some sort of advantage in the next class (if that is what people are upset about on this thread). The neuro-typical kids in the class will still be able to navigate their academics and social situations with greater fluency, no matter what their age, all the way through their school years. Their ability to absorb and retain new academic material, and to function well in a group, becomes essential by high school because of the intensity of the pace and depth of the classes/labs. These students generally rise to the top of their class anyway, because they are able to handle the multi-tasking, abstract concepts, and integration and inter-connections of new material on their own.

If you have a child with a summer birthday who has issues, give them another year before Kindergarten. If you have a child who does not have issues, send them.

There is no advantage to the child who is "older" when they start school, if the reason they were "red shirted" had to do with some issue they have. Parents of neuro-typical kids need to relax about this and worry less about the wider age spans in classrooms, and be grateful that their kids are able to handle the environment without supports.

(This is from a mom with both neuro-typical and SN kids).

Great post however, I disagree that you should "red shirt" a kid with issues and hope that holding them back will solve those issues. I have a summer birthday SN kid who was sent on time: He has a diagnoses and an IEP. These kids don't just age out of issues. Holding them back will simply make them a year older with the same issues but with younger age peers. If the kid has diagnosable issues, they should get an IEP/504 - supports and services that will enable them to "access the curriculum." Simply hold them back with no help does nothing other than waste another year.

[Anonymous]

Our school district posted a message in the town newsletter telling parents that it was expected that they would enroll their five year olds in kindergarten. Any requests for exceptions would need to be addressed with the school.

[Anonymous]

My son's birthday is is mid- August and I am not holding him back. He seems fine, is doing well at daycare, and has many friends. He just recently learned to read. I am hoping that, despite being the youngest child in his class, he will someday learn to correctly utilize the words "affects" and "effects."

[Anonymous]

OP,

If this is public, you may need to get permission. I'd do more research on your school district's requirements.

Funnily some of the smartest students in my child's elementary school had late birthdays, including one who was born on eve of the deadline. Smart as a whip, that one.

[Anonymous]

Did pp just say "funnily"? Too funny!