What to tell child who is product of an affair?

[Anonymous]

I say you make him a part of her life. Show her photos, news reports, keep her updated on this guy etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truth. If her questions are answered in an age-appropriate way from the time she begins to ask them, that will be her truth, and while not necessarily easy, it won't be a shocking, identity-shaking type of thing to discover later. She's going to trust you for all kinds of truth and support as she grows up, and you need to be ready. It will be OK if you're honest and there for her. Age-appropriate answers as the key - and not loading her down with information she doesn't ask for or isn't ready for.

And just because HE doesn't want certain people to know does not mean he gets to decide. Of course he doesn't want anyone else to know. Tough for him! You're raising the baby, and you have a right to tell her the truth, and she has a right to know it. Not up to him. No question. And I hope he's at least supporting her financially.

What's done is done, and your mistakes and all of that are in the past. What's best for her is what's important now. Good luck!

Yes! It takes two to tango and you weren't the married one. Tough shit, dude.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, give the woman some advice or step aside. So many judgmental people on this board.

[Anonymous]

I would schedule a single visit with a family therapist or social worker. I was required to do this when I was receiving fertility treatments, and I was resistant going in, but it was actually a really useful hour. A good therapist will be able to suggest ways to talk to your child in developmentally appropriate ways, and also how to make decisions about what to reveal/what not to reveal and the cost/benefits.

[Anonymous]

Just say you don't know! Setting her up as some dirty little secret sounds so damaging. It's not 1950s. You could have f**ked some stranger in a club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would schedule a single visit with a family therapist or social worker. I was required to do this when I was receiving fertility treatments, and I was resistant going in, but it was actually a really useful hour. A good therapist will be able to suggest ways to talk to your child in developmentally appropriate ways, and also how to make decisions about what to reveal/what not to reveal and the cost/benefits.

I agree with this. You don't want to pass daddy issues on to her. Get professional help, for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Mom: This is your dad.
Dad: Hi, I'm your father
Wife: I'll be out shopping/lunch when the child is over with the siblings. You're on duty.

Key is to keep the moms apart, apart from polite nods or basic communication.

Now if you put nothing on the birth certificate and told no one who the dad is, you have the option to keep your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

You need a lawyer. And a therapist. I suggest telling her the truth. "Your dad lives with another family. " Answer questions age appropriately and without judgement of him. She will question why he wants nothing to do with her but with the help of a therapist you can be ready for that and handle it with love. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom: This is your dad.
Dad: Hi, I'm your father
Wife: I'll be out shopping/lunch when the child is over with the siblings. You're on duty.

Key is to keep the moms apart, apart from polite nods or basic communication.

Now if you put nothing on the birth certificate and told no one who the dad is, you have the option to keep your mouth shut.

Why shoud the wife leave? She dd nothing wrong and if the dad decided to have a part OP needs to accept the wife as his partner and step mother to her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Let me see if I understand OP. She had no qualms about having an affair with a married man, unprotected sex, got pregnant but "couldn't, just couldn't bring herself to abort." Sob, sob, sob. He is a well-known politician. Sounds to me like OP was looking for a way Easy Street and a lobster and champagne meal ticket. Pregnancy is 100% preventable these days. I would think it would be humiliating to tell your daughter the truth ever. Keep it to yourself and don't give her your guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you getting child support? So sorry OP. I would try to form a family away from the father, but not allow him to get out of the child support obligations.

Why are you sorry? OP made the decision to have unprotected sex with a married father of 3. No sympathy from me. Maybe google "what homewreckers tell their kids" and you'll get some advice.

Always gotta blame the other woman, right?

OP has no obligations and didn't take marriage vows; the ex lover did.

[Anonymous]

Glad you realized your poor decisions upfront. What a lesson learned considering you should know better (politican, being the skanky OW knowing he won't leave his W for you). But back to business, is his name on the birth certificate? Definitely get a lawyer and get CS established. He can't legally walk away from his responsibilities.

You can't force him to be in your child's life. Lots of people expetience this without being the OW or the dad being a pol. Lots of "men" walk away. Be a strong mom for your DD. That will go a long way. See what other men in your life can play a strong and consistent male role in her life. As other people said, a family therapist will help at some point

[Anonymous]

Ignore the jerks.

I agree PP who suggested truth in age appropriate terms.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry that some of the posts are so nasty and rude. PPs do not know you or your situation. Sounds like you are trying to find out how to deal with this in the best way possible for your DD. The suggestions to seek professional advice sound like a good idea. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I just hope you didn't know he was married before getting involved.

Women like that don't deserve anything.