Inadvertently invited someone to my son's BDAY party. Help!

[Anonymous]

You owe your kid big time for this.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I feel your pain op! I did something so
iPad once - well, it was a last minute play date. Thing is, it's one thing for a kid to learn to deal with mean kids in school, but to have that one kid in your home, sitting on your couch can really feel like an invasion, especially on a birthday. In our case, my dc had to put up with the play date and the mean kid was not so mean. She was better-behaved knowing I was watching her. It even seemed to make her squirm a little, which I secretly relished. Maybe tell your son that it could be a good oppy for the tables to be turned a bit on the mean kid. Things happen for a reason.

[Anonymous]

" I did something similar once" not " I did so iPad"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give him the option of canceling the party, but not of a half bday party, and not of canceling and then telling anyone WHY he canceled. If he decides he doesn't want this party, he opts our, and that's his choice, but he doesn't get a redo, and he doesn't get to make an invited child feel bad. Grow up and accept it one way or the other. Mistakes happen. Sorry the kid was invited. Party with him or no party without him. I would talk to the other kids parents about how to behave to move forward though. They are probably completely unaware. Make it a great experience all around. You may be borrowing trouble.

Way too harsh on your own kid for my taste (especially since I see no suggestions about ownership or apology), and way too willing to make this a "learning" experience about the other kid and his family.

[Anonymous]

What did the kid do? Hard to know without more detail.

[Anonymous]

How many kids are invited? Can you run interference between the two boys? Why did the other boy accept, I wonder, if they don't like each other?

I'd give my son the option of cancelling or tell him I will run interference 100% between the two at the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give him the option of canceling the party, but not of a half bday party, and not of canceling and then telling anyone WHY he canceled. If he decides he doesn't want this party, he opts our, and that's his choice, but he doesn't get a redo, and he doesn't get to make an invited child feel bad. Grow up and accept it one way or the other. Mistakes happen. Sorry the kid was invited. Party with him or no party without him. I would talk to the other kids parents about how to behave to move forward though. They are probably completely unaware. Make it a great experience all around. You may be borrowing trouble.

Seems too harsh to me, too. It depends I guess on what this boy has been doing that is "mean". Has he been calling the boy "jerk face" and teasing him, tripping him, making fun of him to others in class? My son was being teased by a boy in school because my son cries easily. There's this one kid who always says "Now Billy's gonna cry...." or "Don't cry Billy... it's just a movie" kind of stuff. My son hates it, and would hate it is I invited this kid to his BIRTHDAY PARTY.

[Anonymous]

Seems too harsh to me, too.

It doesn't seem to harsh to me at all. I think OP should definitely sincerely apologize to her son for her mistake, which is is obvious that she feels really bad about. However, given that the situation is what it is, the child should get the choice of going ahead with the party or cancelling the party. The idea of rescheduling a half birthday party and not inviting the mean kid seems completely over the top to me. A birthday party isn't a necessity at age 10 - they can go ahead and cancel and just let him have one or two friends over for dinner or out to a movie. That is a perfectly acceptable celebration for a 10 year old, and certainly on par with what my friends and I did to celebrate by that age.

[Anonymous]

If you uninvite this boy -- I don't care how you handle that -- you will be as bad as whatever he did to your son. There is absolutely no excuse for treating another child like that, no matter what he did. (1) he will find out, and (2) it is a terrible lesson for your own child. I am shocked that people are suggesting this.

I also think its wrong to say anything to the parents. Its out of context. if you were speaking to them right after their DS had done something, it wold be different. But to call them up and say "your son was really nasty to mine 5 months ago so I want to make sure he behaves" is really just as bad behavior, on your part, as uninviting him. Either approach will follow you, they will tell other parents, and its really difficult to defend that behavior.

You have the party, you watch to make sure the kid doesn't do anything wrong. You tell your son that if the kid does, you will call his parents.

I suspect it will go well and will help defrost things between the two boys.

[Anonymous]

Don't uninvite the offensive kid.

Your kid is 10. This is a great age to learn how to be kind, gracious, and forgiving.

[Anonymous]

Great opportunity to start this relationship anew.

Did you know that this is a classic way to stop some mild forms of bullying? Invite the bully to the party and because s/he feels included to a special event in your child's honor, the bad school behavior changes too.

Now that you've put yourself in this situation, explain to your son that it's worth a try.

Do not have a special talk with the parents or the unwanted guest.
Just see how things develop at school after the party...

[Anonymous]

Apologize to your kid, and then you both need to suck it up. Keep the boys busy at the party so that there isn't any time for drama.

[Anonymous]

Reschedule the party to a laser tag venue, then make sure the mean boy gets a malfunctioning gun.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you owe your son a huge apology. And I hope you two have the kind of relationship where in a couple of years from now he'll be able to tease you about your screwup and you'll both be able to laugh about it.

You can't un-invite the boy. Here's what I'd do:

When he arrived I'd say hi to him, and let him know that I know he and DS haven't been friends, but hopefully this party can be the beginning of a fresh start. It's okay if this party doesn't lead to a lifelong best friendship, but maybe it can lead to co-existing peacefully in school and around town. (And I'd warn DS that I was going to do this.)

Then, I'd pull aside an adult at the party (DH, FIL, my best guy friend, etc.) and point out the boy. And I'd tell them "I need you to make this kid your project for the next two hours. You need to stay right on top of him, and if he even BEGINS to step out of line, I need to know you will be all over it, shutting him down immediately. DS really went out on a limb having this kid, he's tense about it, and I don't want this kid in ANY way wrecking today's party." If the kid teases DS, the Watcher pulls him away from the group, tells him no teasing and if he does it again then you'll have to call his parents to pick him up early, then sends him back to the group. If he plays too harshly, same thing - gets pulled away, gets a talking-to, etc.

After the party, maybe at bedtime or something, I'd talk with DS about how proud I was of him dealing with a curveball graciously, being a good host no matter what, and being the bigger person (even though I accidentally forced him to do it). Then I'd tell him he earned something he's been wanting - to go to the movies with a friend without a parent, to go mini-golfing, some special outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't uninvite the offensive kid.

Your kid is 10. This is a great age to learn how to be kind, gracious, and forgiving.

On the other hand.. 10 is a great age to learn that being a jerk means sometimes people exclude you.

If it was my kid, I would cancel and reschedule for another day. I would tell my son it was a simple date error that I the parent made and provide no other explanation to him. That way all he can tell his friends is that his mom got dates mixed up.